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The last entry to Anne Frank's diary reads.......
Very excited, today's my birthday, Daddy's bought me a drumkit......
 
Over the last month I've made it my mission to masturbate hard and cum on every Saturday. Apart from Rochelle Wiseman - she's ugly as fcuk.
 
Susan Boyle has a photo shoot tomorrow for her new album. Simon Cowell wishes to improve her image by surrounding her with proper ugly bastards. The bus will pick you up at nine, try not to miss it there's a tenner in it for you.
 
Two brothers have been killed when they fell through a frozen pond in Birmingham. ITV are to make a documentary on the third brother who survived the ordeal. Dan Singh on ice will be screened in the spring…
 
Maybe just one more before I really land myself in trouble ...

My girlfriend says the hardest thing in the world is to balance a career and a family. She's obviously never tried to balance a laptop on her knees while having a w**k.
 
kimajy said:
Maybe just one more before I really land myself in trouble ...

My girlfriend says the hardest thing in the world is to balance a career and a family. She's obviously never tried to balance a laptop on her knees while having a w**k.
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i thought this was only for bad jokes??? i had a chuckle!
 
My girlfriend came back from work the other day in tears. She was clearly very upset and asked me to console her.

So I hit her over the head as hard as I could with my X-box.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
kimajy said:
Maybe just one more before I really land myself in trouble ...

My girlfriend says the hardest thing in the world is to balance a career and a family. She's obviously never tried to balance a laptop on her knees while having a w**k.
Click to expand...
That made me proper laugh :lol::lol::lol:
 
I saw a student protest the other day.

To be fair, I had just kicked the siht out of him and stolen his laptop.
 
A conversation is overheard in a restaurant in Formentera in August where 2 guys have just sat down and are having a chin-wag over the menu as the waitress comes to take their order..​

Guy : Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.​

Waitress : I was going to ask you what you'd like but I think I'll have to ask you to leave ..

Guy : Hey, coola down, I'm a justa tellin' my fellow guiri friend here how to spella 'Mississippi'.
 
Two old ladies – octogenarians at that - were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of them, Gladys, pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. The other, Flora, asks what it is and is where to get some.

The next day at the local chemists, Flora announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. He looks embarassed and very delicately asks, "What brand do you prefer?"

Doesn't matter sonny, as long as it fits a Camel.
 
kimajy said:
A conversation is overheard in a restaurant in Formentera in August where 2 guys have just sat down and are having a chin-wag over the menu as the waitress comes to take their order..​


Guy : Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.​

Waitress : I was going to ask you what you'd like but I think I'll have to ask you to leave ..

Guy : Hey, coola down, I'm a justa tellin' my fellow guiri friend here how to spella 'Mississippi'.
Click to expand...

I must admit, this made me laugh.
 
I've just found out that some devil worshipers are going to a hold a festival dedicated to Satan, hell and never ending violence in our village.

Sounds like a fete worse than death.
 
hounddj said:
I've just found out that some devil worshipers are going to a hold a festival dedicated to Satan, hell and never ending violence in our village.

Sounds like a fete worse than death.
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:spank::spank::spank:

Sorry - having been inspired by this thread last night, I've been asking customers for their favourites all day on my call cycle - some were good, some not so, and some utterly impossible to put on here.
 
:spank: Prob best 2 keep those ones off-air tbh .. teensy bit on the 'other side of the line' I reckon, as there's no watershed / consent button on the forum content for general reading - but just my gut feels !
 
I just got back from a friend's funeral.

He died last week after being struck on the head by a tennis ball.



















It was a lovely service.
 
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