Old Jokes Home
- Thread starter Buckley
- Start date
tristanbaldock
Active Member
The past, present and future all walk into a bar.*
It was very tense
It was very tense
i can only remember short ones, one of my favourites as told to me by my 5 year old niece.....what kind of Bees can you milk??? Boobies
i can only remember short ones, one of my favourites as told to me by my 5 year old niece.....what kind of Bees can you milk??? Boobies
not as good!!
A gigantic herb walks into a bar. Not just any old herb, but a tall one, 16 feet high, but it doesn't just walk in, it's as blind as a bat.
The herb walks into chairs, walks into tables, knocks over drinks, pisses off the locals, treads on people's toes, stumbles over people's feet, falls over at least 5 times...
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The bartender says
"Long Thyme, No see"
The herb walks into chairs, walks into tables, knocks over drinks, pisses off the locals, treads on people's toes, stumbles over people's feet, falls over at least 5 times...
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The bartender says
"Long Thyme, No see"
Johnny Vodka
Well-Known Member
Mr Rogers goes to the doctor. Knowing he has something embarrassing to tell, he takes his wife in for support.
"Doctor, I'm, you know, bleeding from my bum."
"Mr Rogers, drop your trousers and pants and bend over the desk while I examine you."
So the doctor puts on the gloves, gently parts the man's cheeks and has a good look and probe.
After a minute or so, the doctor stands up straight and announces with some satisfaction, "All's good. There's nothing wrong with you. But you could ask Mrs Rogers to cut her fingernails."
"Doctor, I'm, you know, bleeding from my bum."
"Mr Rogers, drop your trousers and pants and bend over the desk while I examine you."
So the doctor puts on the gloves, gently parts the man's cheeks and has a good look and probe.
After a minute or so, the doctor stands up straight and announces with some satisfaction, "All's good. There's nothing wrong with you. But you could ask Mrs Rogers to cut her fingernails."
A man goes into the doctor and says "Doctor! Doctor! I've got a yellow knob!"
"Don't be stupid" the doctor replies, "drop your pants and let's have a look at it."
Sure enough when the man drops his trousers he has a bright yellow knob.
The doctor is a bit puzzled so starts researching in the library of medical books behind his desk.
In all the medical knowledge contained he couldn't find anything on this condition.
Having exhausted this avenue the doctor decides to consult his esteemed colleagues.
After many calls he realises not one of the professionals has come across this before.
Starting to get excited that he may have discovered something new the doctor quizzes the man.
"Right, we're going to have to narrow this down. First, tell me what you do for a living?"
"I was actually made redundant about 6 months ago. I got a large payout and haven't worked since"
That can't be it, thought the doctor so asked what the he did all day.
"Not much", the man replies, "just sit around, watching porn, eating Quavers..."
"Don't be stupid" the doctor replies, "drop your pants and let's have a look at it."
Sure enough when the man drops his trousers he has a bright yellow knob.
The doctor is a bit puzzled so starts researching in the library of medical books behind his desk.
In all the medical knowledge contained he couldn't find anything on this condition.
Having exhausted this avenue the doctor decides to consult his esteemed colleagues.
After many calls he realises not one of the professionals has come across this before.
Starting to get excited that he may have discovered something new the doctor quizzes the man.
"Right, we're going to have to narrow this down. First, tell me what you do for a living?"
"I was actually made redundant about 6 months ago. I got a large payout and haven't worked since"
That can't be it, thought the doctor so asked what the he did all day.
"Not much", the man replies, "just sit around, watching porn, eating Quavers..."
jez71
Active Member
Fernando Torres turns up at Stamford Bridge with a back pack. The security guard worriedly asks him what he's got in the bag. He replies "Porno dvd's, some counterfeit match day tickets, hooky replica shirts, some drugs & a gun!" The security guard says "Thank God for that...I thought you'd brought your boots!!!"