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Two farmers are walking across their land. Suddenly one of them shouts excitedly: "Look over there, someone is f***ing YOUR wife in YOUR field!" The other replies: "Don't worry...



















... that's not my field".
 
A man goes to the urologist. The urologist says: "You really need to stop masturbating." The man asks: "But why?" The urologist replies, "Otherwise I won't be able to examine you."
 
A guy goes to the open-air swimming pool with his new girlfriend. To impress her, he goes to the diving tower and does a perfect double somersault off the 10-metre tower. He comes out of the water and she asks him: "Wow, that was impressive! Where did you learn that?" "Well," he says, "I was national champion in high diving when I was 15." She replies: "Well, watch me", goes into the water and swims 10 superfast laps in perfect freestyle. She comes out and he says: "Impressive! Were you also a national champion in your youth?" She says: "No, I used to be a hooker in Venice!"
 
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