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After we split up, I killed my girlfriend and dumped her body, but kept her minge.

My wife has no idea when I say I'm going upstairs to go on the ex box.
 
Dave 1 said:
Went to the doc's this morning to get my testicles checked out.

While he was cupping my scrotum, he said "Don't worry, it's quite normal to get an erection during this kind of examination"

I said "I haven't got an erection" He replied "I didn't mean you":lol:
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:lol: like
 
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
 
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."
 
djjaycool said:
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."
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:lol:
 
I was going to do a History degree at the local university. But there was no future in it.
 
THE CHAVS PRAYER... Our boyfriend who art in prison. Even mum knows not dads name. Thy chavdom come, you'll read the sun, in Exmouth which is in Devon. Give us this day our welfare bread and forgive us our ASBO'S as we happy slap those who got ASBO'S against us. Lead us not into employment but deliver us free housing. For thine is the chavdom, The burberry and The bacardi, Forever and Ever... INNIT!

(Buckley stolen from facebook) ;)
 
djjaycool said:
THE CHAVS PRAYER... Our boyfriend who art in prison. Even mum knows not dads name. Thy chavdom come, you'll read the sun, in Exmouth which is in Devon. Give us this day our welfare bread and forgive us our ASBO'S as we happy slap those who got ASBO'S against us. Lead us not into employment but deliver us free housing. For thine is the chavdom, The burberry and The bacardi, Forever and Ever... INNIT!

(Buckley stolen from facebook) ;)
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Awww Devon's name taken in vain again just 'cause it rhymes with Heaven .... (Mummy, when people die do they go to ...) .. the sacrilege of it :lol:

Last time I looked most of the chavs had moved on to the Looe ... :eek:
 
kimajy said:
Awww Devon's name taken in vain again just 'cause it rhymes with Heaven .... (Mummy, when people die do they go to ...) .. the sacrilege of it :lol:

Last time I looked most of the chavs had moved on to the Looe ... :eek:
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i was in looe last week...8)
 
Moondust said:
i was in looe last week...8)
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Never seen so many deals going on in broad daylight anywhere in the SW !! :lol: Did you see many chavs trying to skateboard in the car park near all the chippy shops but too f**ked to manage .. ?
 
kimajy said:
Never seen so many deals going on in broad daylight anywhere in the SW !! :lol: Did you see many chavs trying to skateboard in the car park near all the chippy shops but too f**ked to manage .. ?
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cant say as i did really.. ive been going there since i was a kid.. admittedly its changed over the years but still has that cornish charm...
 
My wife was sat drinking a glass of wine last night.

She turns and says "I love you so much, I don't think I could ever live without you"

I ask, " Is that just the wine talking?"

"No" she says, "it's me talking. To the wine"
 
Yoko Ono is to appear in the next series of "I'm a Celebrity, Get me out of here" ..

Show bosses think she'll have no problem coping with the Bushtucker Trials, seeing as she's been living off a dead beatle for the last 30 years ..
 
kimajy said:
Yoko Ono is to appear in the next series of "I'm a Celebrity, Get me out of here" ..

Show bosses think she'll have no problem coping with the Bushtucker Trials, seeing as she's been living off a dead beatle for the last 30 years ..
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** Chuckle **
 
Shamelessly nicked this for FB :lol:


kimajy said:
Yoko Ono is to appear in the next series of "I'm a Celebrity, Get me out of here" ..

Show bosses think she'll have no problem coping with the Bushtucker Trials, seeing as she's been living off a dead beatle for the last 30 years ..
Click to expand...
 
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