Massively detailed Ibiza Review 2012 :)

kimajy said:
:lol: :lol: :lol: ..

Hope things are OK in 'the Ibiza Withdrawal Clinic ! I am checking in right about now :eek:.
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You will find me in the second ward on the right. They are considering letting me out over the weekend for a home visit.
 
deepseadiver said:
Beans!!!

Fill us all in on what you have been up to?
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I went to Croatia on holiday at the end of August. Met some nice girls and guys (not in a gay way - just normal friends). Since then I have been working and hitting the gym. Not that exciting really.
 
So... let me get this right:

- You've never ever heard a Liverpudlian person speak in real life?
- You've never ever heard of Amanda Holden before?
- You were surprised, and disappointed, when a DJ in a club didn't sing?
- You didn't brush your teeth for five whole days whilst on holiday?
- You fell in love with a promotions girl on the beach?
- You think all northern people are automatically chavs/not nice people?
- You think all people who wear vests are automatically chavs/not nice people?
- You think people with tattoos are automatically chavs/not nice people?
- You think muscular people are automatically chavs/not nice people?
- You think all girls who wear revealing clothes are automatically slags/sluts/not nice people?
- Regardless of whether they are or not, you think that is a bad thing?
- The best bit of your holiday was in the departure lounge meeting Juan Mata?
- The first thing you did when stepping off the plane when arriving in Ibiza for the first time was to look for Juan Mata?
- You were surprised about the levels of rowdiness after booking to stay in Ibiza Rocks hotel?
- A girl practically asked you to finger her and you found that weird?
- You let two other people book your whole holiday without checking any details before you went?
- You saw your mate about to be robbed and pretended to be asleep?
- You fell asleep in the sun and woke up with a white hand-print on your torso?
- You tried brushing your teeth with your finger?
- You burst out crying in the hotel room because everything was getting to you?
- Your mate told you about gay bumming fantasies with Thierry Henry?
- You sat on a bench on a cliff top thinking there were no beaches in Ibiza?
- You said you thought there was a risk of cutting your foot on a floating bikini in the sea?
- You own a working, 21st century, mobile telephone that is worth £5?
- You sulked on a big sofa inside Eden after losing that working, 21st century, mobile telephone that is worth £5?
- You spent a whole day trying to find a particular money transfer shop to replace your cash card?
- You think all German girls are bad because of one which might or might not have drugged your friend?
- You think your mate was sweating from his eyes?
- You sometimes didn't eat a single meal in a day?
- You thought Cream Amnesia was so boring that you fell asleep stood up in the middle of the club?
- You think the stereotypical 'Ibiza person' swears a lot and loves to fight?

Are you Mr Beans son by any chance? You have honestly got a massive career in television ahead of you, particularly if Channel 4 decide to make another series of The Inbetweeners.

If this is real, and I still have my doubts, it is the most hilarious thing I've ever read. But jesting aside, it is also sad and massively frustrating too. I'd honestly love to know why you picked Ibiza in the first place and what you actually expected it to be like? It really sounds like the opposite from what you would want in a holiday.

As a person from a privileged background, and therefore presumably well educated, it is a shame your view of the world, and even the UK, is so narrow minded and misguided. Actually, scrap that, it is actually scary. I really urge you get on a National Express coach and head somewhere 'up north' - there you will find towns with good/bad areas, people who dress in all different sorts of clothing and you might even be lucky enough to find a Scouser along your way too!

You might find some of what I say harsh - but then so are some of your perceptions and judgements of people based on where they're from, how they dress, and how they choose to look. Reading, and taking on board, comments such as mine are likely to be far more helpful to you in the long-run than listening to people telling you you are a 'legend' etc. Essentially, the reason everyone found this review so funny is because of how bizarre, insane, sheltered and downright, sorry to say, stupidly immature and naive you come across. That's the unfortunate reality and I don't mean that to offend you.

Ibiza is all about free love, liberalism and acceptance. You could do a lot worse than to broaden your mind before heading off to university etc otherwise you might be in for another shock. Oh and three months in Thailand? Heaven help you sir, heaven help you. :eek: Although, on the plus side, I'm certain you won't get banged up in a Thai jail for having sex on the beach...
 
This review is old so this will be the last reply i will do for this thread because it is kind of history now. Anyway:

- You've never ever heard a Liverpudlian person speak in real life? Not really other than on TV. Well I may have heard a weaker scouse accent but not a really strong one where the person speaks for more than 5 minutes
- You've never ever heard of Amanda Holden before? I have heard of her.
- You were surprised, and disappointed, when a DJ in a club didn't sing? I was not 'surprised'. I just got bored after a while of hearing the same beat for hours straight. Nothing changed that whole night and it just got repetitive.
- You didn't brush your teeth for five whole days whilst on holiday?I did brush them but without a toothbrush;)
- You fell in love with a promotions girl on the beach?Yeah but she was sweet and seemed a lot more genuine than most other promoters there (she helped us round everywhere, briefly had drinks with her etc). And yeah I am aware she wanted my money but she wanted to help and was nice at the same time
- You think all northern people are automatically chavs/not nice people?Not 'automatically' chavs. That's stereotyping way too much. But statistically there are definitely more chavs up north than in the south. Not saying everyone up north is a chav.
- You think all people who wear vests are automatically chavs/not nice people?Again, nope.
- You think people with tattoos are automatically chavs/not nice people?"" ""
- You think muscular people are automatically chavs/not nice people?"" ""
- You think all girls who wear revealing clothes are automatically slags/sluts/not nice people?"" ""
- Regardless of whether they are or not, you think that is a bad thing?-_-
- The best bit of your holiday was in the departure lounge meeting Juan Mata?Yeah
- The first thing you did when stepping off the plane when arriving in Ibiza for the first time was to look for Juan Mata?Well yeah. It is not like I am going to have a party in the airport is it?
- You were surprised about the levels of rowdiness after booking to stay in Ibiza Rocks hotel?Yeah. I even asked on this website and apparently it wasn't too bad was the message.
- A girl practically asked you to finger her and you found that weird?Well yeah I guess it was kind of weird that SHE went up to me in a club (not the other way round), grabbed my hand and put it by her crotch. Normally things start off slow and works its way up to that in clubbing.
- You let two other people book your whole holiday without checking any details before you went?1 person booked it who is reliable etc. He confirmed everything with me several times and we were in contact to make sure everything was how we wanted it.
- You saw your mate about to be robbed and pretended to be asleep?Nope. Since we couldn't get into our room, we slept in reception on the sofa's and there was this 1 thing which looked like a double bed where one of my mates slept. To people who were just coming back from their nights out, it looked light we were all smashed and passed out. Someone thought this would be an opportunity to search his pockets. Since I couldn't sleep, I was aware of what was going on around me (unlike my other 2 mates who were asleep). As I saw this guy sitting on the bed where my mate was asleep, I pretended to wake up. I then woke my mate up to ask him what the time was and thought this would make the guy go away.
- You fell asleep in the sun and woke up with a white hand-print on your torso?Yup haha
- You tried brushing your teeth with your finger?Yeah
- You burst out crying in the hotel room because everything was getting to you?Nope
- Your mate told you about gay bumming fantasies with Thierry Henry?I've even forgotten who the footballer he liked was but it may have been Thierry
- You sat on a bench on a cliff top thinking there were no beaches in Ibiza?We knew there were beaches but we were lost, boiling hot, tired, depressed and we all just felt like ****
- You said you thought there was a risk of cutting your foot on a floating bikini in the sea?You are being pedantic now
- You own a working, 21st century, mobile telephone that is worth £5?Yup and I still am using it now. This is it http://www.lankaphones.com/images/9954_2011090135.gif
- You sulked on a big sofa inside Eden after losing that working, 21st century, mobile telephone that is worth £5? Yes because obviously it has all my contacts on it which I have built up for many years and without it I would never be able to reach some of my friends again as I don't see them anymore/they live in another country
- You spent a whole day trying to find a particular money transfer shop to replace your cash card?Well yes, but I wasn't searching for it all day. I searched for it, gave up, then searched for it again, gave up etc. Until eventually i found one that was open
- You think all German girls are bad because of one which might or might not have drugged your friend?Nope but my mates dad does (he is racist)
- You think your mate was sweating from his eyes?Sweating AROUND his eyes
- You sometimes didn't eat a single meal in a day?Yes
- You thought Cream Amnesia was so boring that you fell asleep stood up in the middle of the club?Only towards the end of the night when Laid Back Luke came on who just seemed to play the same beats over and over again and didn't really get the crowd going like Example did
- You think the stereotypical 'Ibiza person' swears a lot and loves to fight?Well we did see a lot of that. Maybe a typical 'west end person'
 
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Procrastinating in work after a miserable month of being back from Ibiza, i fell across this thread. **** me, is all i can say :eek: Ibiza really is changing...! Jesus.
 
beans said:
This review is old so this will be the last reply i will do for this thread because it is kind of history now. Anyway:

- You've never ever heard a Liverpudlian person speak in real life? Not really other than on TV. Well I may have heard a weaker scouse accent but not a really strong one where the person speaks for more than 5 minutes
- You've never ever heard of Amanda Holden before? I have heard of her.
- You were surprised, and disappointed, when a DJ in a club didn't sing? I was not 'surprised'. I just got bored after a while of hearing the same beat for hours straight. Nothing changed that whole night and it just got repetitive.
- You didn't brush your teeth for five whole days whilst on holiday?I did brush them but without a toothbrush;)
- You fell in love with a promotions girl on the beach?Yeah but she was sweet and seemed a lot more genuine than most other promoters there (she helped us round everywhere, briefly had drinks with her etc). And yeah I am aware she wanted my money but she wanted to help and was nice at the same time
- You think all northern people are automatically chavs/not nice people?Not 'automatically' chavs. That's stereotyping way too much. But statistically there are definitely more chavs up north than in the south. Not saying everyone up north is a chav.
- You think all people who wear vests are automatically chavs/not nice people?Again, nope.
- You think people with tattoos are automatically chavs/not nice people?"" ""
- You think muscular people are automatically chavs/not nice people?"" ""
- You think all girls who wear revealing clothes are automatically slags/sluts/not nice people?"" ""
- Regardless of whether they are or not, you think that is a bad thing?-_-
- The best bit of your holiday was in the departure lounge meeting Juan Mata?Yeah
- The first thing you did when stepping off the plane when arriving in Ibiza for the first time was to look for Juan Mata?Well yeah. It is not like I am going to have a party in the airport is it?
- You were surprised about the levels of rowdiness after booking to stay in Ibiza Rocks hotel?Yeah. I even asked on this website and apparently it wasn't too bad was the message.
- A girl practically asked you to finger her and you found that weird?Well yeah I guess it was kind of weird that SHE went up to me in a club (not the other way round), grabbed my hand and put it by her crotch. Normally things start off slow and works its way up to that in clubbing.
- You let two other people book your whole holiday without checking any details before you went?1 person booked it who is reliable etc. He confirmed everything with me several times and we were in contact to make sure everything was how we wanted it.
- You saw your mate about to be robbed and pretended to be asleep?Nope. Since we couldn't get into our room, we slept in reception on the sofa's and there was this 1 thing which looked like a double bed where one of my mates slept. To people who were just coming back from their nights out, it looked light we were all smashed and passed out. Someone thought this would be an opportunity to search his pockets. Since I couldn't sleep, I was aware of what was going on around me (unlike my other 2 mates who were asleep). As I saw this guy sitting on the bed where my mate was asleep, I pretended to wake up. I then woke my mate up to ask him what the time was and thought this would make the guy go away.
- You fell asleep in the sun and woke up with a white hand-print on your torso?Yup haha
- You tried brushing your teeth with your finger?Yeah
- You burst out crying in the hotel room because everything was getting to you?Nope
- Your mate told you about gay bumming fantasies with Thierry Henry?I've even forgotten who the footballer he liked was but it may have been Thierry
- You sat on a bench on a cliff top thinking there were no beaches in Ibiza?We knew there were beaches but we were lost, boiling hot, tired, depressed and we all just felt like ****
- You said you thought there was a risk of cutting your foot on a floating bikini in the sea?You are being pedantic now
- You own a working, 21st century, mobile telephone that is worth £5?Yup and I still am using it now. This is it http://www.lankaphones.com/images/9954_2011090135.gif
- You sulked on a big sofa inside Eden after losing that working, 21st century, mobile telephone that is worth £5? Yes because obviously it has all my contacts on it which I have built up for many years and without it I would never be able to reach some of my friends again as I don't see them anymore/they live in another country
- You spent a whole day trying to find a particular money transfer shop to replace your cash card?Well yes, but I wasn't searching for it all day. I searched for it, gave up, then searched for it again, gave up etc. Until eventually i found one that was open
- You think all German girls are bad because of one which might or might not have drugged your friend?Nope but my mates dad does (he is racist)
- You think your mate was sweating from his eyes?Sweating AROUND his eyes
- You sometimes didn't eat a single meal in a day?Yes
- You thought Cream Amnesia was so boring that you fell asleep stood up in the middle of the club?Only towards the end of the night when Laid Back Luke came on who just seemed to play the same beats over and over again and didn't really get the crowd going like Example did
- You think the stereotypical 'Ibiza person' swears a lot and loves to fight?Well we did see a lot of that. Maybe a typical 'west end person'
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I didn't buy into the "yay you're awesome" back slapping that followed your first "review" I thought you sounded like a complete mong who shouldn't have been let out his room without supervision never mind let loose in Ibiza. Having read the follow up, one day soon someone will beat the **** out of you and you will become a better person because of it... It normally happens to boys between the ages of 12-17 but you are obviously a late bloomer.
 
Dave_DL said:
I didn't buy into the "yay you're awesome" back slapping that followed your first "review" I thought you sounded like a complete mong who shouldn't have been let out his room without supervision never mind let loose in Ibiza. Having read the follow up, one day soon someone will beat the **** out of you and you will become a better person because of it... It normally happens to boys between the ages of 12-17 but you are obviously a late bloomer.
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^^
Massive +1
 
im not convinced it was a wind up! he had photos up which matched the story for a time which i saw. someone would have to of gone to a fair bit of effort to get someone elses photo's then write all that. Great thread either way!
 
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