Internet Dating

:lol:. I was having serious sanity concerns earlier at the (misinterpreted) suggestion of horse play in the boudoir .. could do lasting psychological damage that sort of behaviour !!! I had a mate who decided to bring frogs to bed and realised he was no longer old enough to play with them ... :confused:

I would say 'cheers' to that in response, but even then such a strange fascination with an empty bathtub can develop that any prospect of good sex is prone to go straight down the plughole :eek:
 
Hmmm - probably just as well horsing around by yourself .. if you like riding horses !! Main thing is, I think, getting the right partner in the first place (whether for a one-nighter or more). That must be tricky to do over the internet (never tried !!). Then whether you want to take a trip down animal farm or just have a night in, the 'inevitable disappointment' should be replaced by a happy memory to carry forward.

 
A guide to internet dating language

40-ish = 49
Adventurous = Slept with everyone
Athletic = No boobs
Average looking = Ugly, can only be loved by mommy
Beautiful = Pathological liar, airhead
Contagious Smile = Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure = On medication
Feminist = Fat, hates men
Free Spirit = Junkie
Friendship first = Former very “friendly” person
Fun = Annoying
New Age = Body hair in the wrong places
Open Minded = Desperate
Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate = Sloppy Drunk
Professional = Bitch
Voluptuous = Very Fat
Large Frame = Hugely Fat
Needs soul mate = Stalker
 
Bez said:
A guide to internet dating language

40-ish = 49
Adventurous = Slept with everyone
Athletic = No boobs
Average looking = Ugly, can only be loved by mommy
Beautiful = Pathological liar, airhead
Contagious Smile = Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure = On medication
Feminist = Fat, hates men
Free Spirit = Junkie
Friendship first = Former very “friendly” person
Fun = Annoying
New Age = Body hair in the wrong places
Open Minded = Desperate
Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate = Sloppy Drunk
Professional = Bitch
Voluptuous = Very Fat
Large Frame = Hugely Fat
Needs soul mate = Stalker
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This is priceless. It's a bit like Estate Agents' particulars it seems ...

djjaycool said:
meow
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Guy from New Jersey crushed by Free Spirits in Lynx Effect stampede .... ;)
 
Was on web cam with a lady and her cousin few year before my current missus. All 3 of us decided to meet at a bar. Cousin A and I hit it off cousin B said have fun. We go back to my place for the hoz. hustle and she starts to convulse right when I was at my peak. She had epilepsy I had to call cousin B for assistance. If you are wondering yes I finished :oops:
 
djjaycool said:
Was on web cam with a lady and her cousin few year before my current missus. All 3 of us decided to meet at a bar. Cousin A and I hit it off cousin B said have fun. We go back to my place for the hoz. hustle and she starts to convulse right when I was at my peak. She had epilepsy I had to call cousin B for assistance. If you are wondering yes I finished :oops:
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That gal had perfect timing - how could you not be forgiven for finishing !! Nightmare afters though .. guess she didn't tell you about the epilepsy :eek:

It's a definite .. entertainment on its way ;)
 
Hahahahah that story has just made my day, I have deserted a bloke in bar for being ugly once, met up with my mates got drunk and then ended up back in that bar where he was still waiting .... ooops :)
 
Girls just about always lie about their weight. Whatever category they say they are, add one, maybe two. The equivalent would be me saying I'm 6 ft. Not that I'm necessarily against 'big units'.
 
Crispy Duck said:
Hahahahah that story has just made my day, I have deserted a bloke in bar for being ugly once, met up with my mates got drunk and then ended up back in that bar where he was still waiting .... ooops :)
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I think it's important to act as politely as possible in these situations and consider the other person's feelings. I once met someone with literally no neck (no warning & a bit of a shocker!), sat out the date (2 or 3 hours), then politely declined the offer of taking her home, saying my dad was visiting early the next morning.

Worst thing I've done date-wise is go after playing with the cat, thinking it had worn off, only to be hit with waves of paranoia in the pub. :eek: I don't think it escaped her notice. Felt really guilty. *facepalm* Thankfully, she weren't a keeper.
 
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Johnny Vodka said:
I think it's important to act as politely as possible in these situations and consider the other person's feelings. I once met someone with literally no neck (no warning & a bit of a shocker!), sat out the date (2 or 3 hours), then politely declined the offer of taking her home, saying my dad was visiting early the next morning.

Worst thing I've done date-wise is go after playing with the cat, thinking it had worn off, only to be hit with waves of paranoia in the pub. :eek: I don't think it escaped her notice. Felt really guilty. *facepalm* Thankfully, she weren't a keeper.
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I went on an internet date the woman LIED about being proportionate. She was what you called table pretty. As long as she was sitting at the table she looked pretty good. She stood up to go to the WC and her weight and size went up like the price of petrol:eek::eek::eek::eek:. She was nice but she way too much over my weight limit.
 
I don't mind big girls per se (and I def prefer bigger to skinnier). A person is a package rather than a set of boxes to be ticked. Sometimes I've found bigger lassies can make the mechanics of sex slightly more difficult, though. :oops:
 
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