Does monogamy exist?
- Thread starter Robder
- Start date
I was happily polygamous for many years.
Now I'm happily monogamous and accept the compromises alongside the benefits.
It's not a big deal, it's basic self control for fu cks sake, like not ****ting in the street or murdering those you dislike.
I have friends who will eternally shag around until they become too old and ugly to attract anyone or too infirm to manage it and good luck to them, they're happy.
I have friends who are in long relationships and they are happy.
It's about what makes you happy, there's not a wrong or right to it.
Now I'm happily monogamous and accept the compromises alongside the benefits.
It's not a big deal, it's basic self control for fu cks sake, like not ****ting in the street or murdering those you dislike.
I have friends who will eternally shag around until they become too old and ugly to attract anyone or too infirm to manage it and good luck to them, they're happy.
I have friends who are in long relationships and they are happy.
It's about what makes you happy, there's not a wrong or right to it.
That's the idealist view.
...and your relationship, like the lovely Boarrrrdgirl before you, might well be the perfect model of communication and alchemy that makes the sacrifice a perfect trade-off. 8)
Sadly I feel that rose coloured specs removed, monogamy is about trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. It's denial rather than sacrifice which results in twisted up guilt shame and random acts of clandestine behaviour.
Sacrifice only exists when a mutual understanding of each other's sex drive exists. Most couples (out of respect mainly) wouldn't dream of being honest about their extra marital desires with each other - which is where sacrifice ends and denial begins.
It's in our nature to have multiple partners - it's in our culture to choose not to.
...and your relationship, like the lovely Boarrrrdgirl before you, might well be the perfect model of communication and alchemy that makes the sacrifice a perfect trade-off. 8)
Sadly I feel that rose coloured specs removed, monogamy is about trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. It's denial rather than sacrifice which results in twisted up guilt shame and random acts of clandestine behaviour.
Sacrifice only exists when a mutual understanding of each other's sex drive exists. Most couples (out of respect mainly) wouldn't dream of being honest about their extra marital desires with each other - which is where sacrifice ends and denial begins.
It's in our nature to have multiple partners - it's in our culture to choose not to.
what about people who are simply just not that randy? who may just have an occasional bunk up say on bank holidays but otherwise derive greater pleasure pruning the roses? where do they fit into your theory?
My relationship is not an Idyll, it can be bloody hard work 
, especially for my other half.
I don't think my view is idealistic, either. It's simply the choice i made. And i think it's a common choice because it works pretty well. Like living in a house, rather than a cave.
I agree that monogamy is cultural rather than primal.
But if you use that as a benchmark for "what's "good" or "bad" for us we'd all be raping and eating each other as it's "wrong" to moderate your behaviour.
And no one would queue.
Having multpile partners is hard work, i once had two girlfriends who both had the same birthday. It was tricky (and no they weren't twins).
, especially for my other half.I don't think my view is idealistic, either. It's simply the choice i made. And i think it's a common choice because it works pretty well. Like living in a house, rather than a cave.
I agree that monogamy is cultural rather than primal.
But if you use that as a benchmark for "what's "good" or "bad" for us we'd all be raping and eating each other as it's "wrong" to moderate your behaviour.
And no one would queue.
Having multpile partners is hard work, i once had two girlfriends who both had the same birthday. It was tricky (and no they weren't twins).
Well they don't fit into my theory because they're probably pruning roses.
but it is relevant because you're saying anyone in a couple who isn't playing the field is repressed, whereas that simple couple leading their simple lifestyle might say well actually we are just a boring couple in a boring bungalow who don't think about shagging very much - and I reckon there's a lot of dullards out there with no sexual imagination whatsoever, purely because most people are intrinsically BORING. Unless of course you're suggesting that even within the boring people there lurks a dormant lust ready to be activated at any moment? Either way, all of this is impossible to prove
I don't think you need to point that out, it's sort of assumed.
but it is relevant because you're saying anyone in a couple who isn't playing the field is repressed, whereas that simple couple leading their simple lifestyle might say well actually we are just a boring couple in a boring bungalow who don't think about shagging very much - and I reckon there's a lot of dullards out there with no sexual imagination whatsoever, purely because most people are intrinsically BORING. Unless of course you're suggesting that even within the boring people there lurks a dormant lust ready to be activated at any moment? Either way, all of this is impossible to prove
And i can't think of anything worse than a load of boring pruners exploding in a sexual frenzy. It could get messy.
Boardgrrrrl
Active Member
WeLuvIbiza
Active Member
I am a content monogamist but would be more than happy to accomodate any requests my wife tabled which included the inclusion of one or more other women she has befriended in the village
It would make the school run an interesting experience in the aftermath!!I agree with many of the points about the desires and urges being undeniable, actually following up on the desires is a different ball game..
Boardgrrrrl
Active Member
.... which included the inclusion of one or more other women she has befriended in the village
What if it was one of the men she preferred to invite?
WeLuvIbiza
Active Member
What if it was one of the men she preferred to invite?
Hmmm, I would be a little bit p*ssed off with her tbh
What if it was one of the men she preferred to invite?
Classic female response (and put down) to that conundrum
You're away on business alone in a foreign city.
After a hard day you go for a quiet drink and get chatting to a lovely non-Eurotrashy, intelligent, sensual woman (I said that because women aren't generally allowed to be intelligent and sexual at the same time ) who offers you a no strings invite to her place for an evening. It's a mutually consenting act and no one will ever know.
You say,
"No thanks darling, I'm a contented monogamist, committed to another person. We've been married for ten years (doing the same things in the same bed in the same position - except on Tuesdays because she's out at book club) and I've no intention of touching another woman as long as I live (which is a long time)."
Oh the mundanity.
(and I don't believe 90% of you.)
After a hard day you go for a quiet drink and get chatting to a lovely non-Eurotrashy, intelligent, sensual woman (I said that because women aren't generally allowed to be intelligent and sexual at the same time
) who offers you a no strings invite to her place for an evening. It's a mutually consenting act and no one will ever know.You say,
"No thanks darling, I'm a contented monogamist, committed to another person. We've been married for ten years (doing the same things in the same bed in the same position - except on Tuesdays because she's out at book club) and I've no intention of touching another woman as long as I live (which is a long time)."
Oh the mundanity.
(and I don't believe 90% of you.)
re: - your point about that foreign city, I personally would be extremely wary. You would be thinking, this is too good to be true - there has to be a catch - and a very €xp€nsive catch. Perhaps she has an accomplice ready to cosh you on the head in the hotel room who would then ransack your drawers, everything, the lot whilst you're lying face down in a pool of rioja with your trousers by your ankles - with a lot of explaining to do to a/the cleaner b/the consulate and c/your wife. In fact, I would be so wary, I'd think that even if we were to get jiggy - could I be sure, extra zeros wouldn't appear at the end of the hotel bill afterwds, per act rendered? The whole situation would ooze sleaze from the outset, could you be sure that she wouldn't immediately clock you as a high powered executive - you're in a foreign city on business, in a sharp saville row suit - a possible passport to riches for the sleazy senorita - perhaps there's a camcorder in the corner documenting the lot for future blackmail - what the spanish would call a chantaje - an innocent xmas bunk up with the HR girl at work this ain't.
I personally think the bikini is more creased on that side - but I'll leave it to McRackin to give a definitive answer
and her right nork is much bigger than the left one isn't it?
I personally think the bikini is more creased on that side - but I'll leave it to McRackin to give a definitive answer
You're away on business alone in a foreign city.
After a hard day you go for a quiet drink and get chatting to a lovely non-Eurotrashy, intelligent, sensual woman (I said that because women aren't generally allowed to be intelligent and sexual at the same time
You say,
"No thanks darling, I'm a contented monogamist, committed to another person. We've been married for ten years (doing the same things in the same bed in the same position - except on Tuesdays because she's out at book club) and I've no intention of touching another woman as long as I live (which is a long time)."
Oh the mundanity.
(and I don't believe 90% of you.)
PMSL
Loving the well thought out scenario plus pics.WeLuvIbiza
Active Member
You're away on business alone in a foreign city.
After a hard day you go for a quiet drink and get chatting to a lovely non-Eurotrashy, intelligent, sensual woman (I said that because women aren't generally allowed to be intelligent and sexual at the same time
You say,
"No thanks darling, I'm a contented monogamist, committed to another person. We've been married for ten years (doing the same things in the same bed in the same position - except on Tuesdays because she's out at book club) and I've no intention of touching another woman as long as I live (which is a long time)."
Oh the mundanity.
(and I don't believe 90% of you.)
Would all your warning systems be funtioning normally after a couple of classes of wine in the company of the above (or similar) girly, Olly?
The more one thinks about this subject the more it does become clear that there is no such thing as monogomy. I suppose many of us like to think we wouldn't be unfaithful but I guess the reality is not so black and white.