Does monogamy exist?

Robder

Active Member
Thankfully I don't live in this world...

...but thought I'd bring up the subject anyway because it's on my mind.

I have a couple of friends who have been together for bloody ages and everything looked so bleedin' perfect (almost annoyingly so). I recently found out that there have been a few unspoken activities going on below the radar. Initially I was really surprised but on reflection, I'm really not.

2 things will happen when I've written this:

i) This post will be littered with replies from married men (& women) saying, "Oh God I'd never cheat on my lover" :lol: :rolleyes:

ii) People will say, 'aaah you would say that you're a bloke'.

I've got sooo many female friends who are completely in touch with their sexuality in a really positive way. They celebrate this by having sex as often as possible (commonly known in Western Christianised guilty quarters as 'sluts').

However in their defence, the approach to these acts mean that they're not forgettable throwaway drunken Friday nighters. We're talking connected, worthwhile experiences.

Whyyyyyy do people bother labelling relationships as monogamous when 90% of lovers cheat at some point? It's a natural drive ffs - suppressing it manifests in all sorts of horrible ways...ancient cultures have been doing it for thousands of years.

Even Chinese Taoist cultures promote the benfits of a second partner for women to train in sexual disciplines. :lol:

I understand the importance of family etc - but why are people deluding themselves that they are more than happy to have a single lover for the rest of their lives?

Anyone who says they want this is talking absolute b*llocks.

(yes you are)

(no I'm not)

etc... :rolleyes:

Just had to get that out.
 

Buckley

Well-Known Member
Dunno Rob. I did plenty of cheating in my past, but these days I find myself being more bothered than I was previously about my partner sleeping with someone else. So, if I expect her to limit herself to me.......

It is a compromise though. I guess if she said I could bang around and she still wouldn't perhaps I revert to the absolute manwhore I was for years...
 

MiniMarc

Well-Known Member
Agree with what your saying totally.
I believe the truth of the matter is that everyone thinks about having sex with (alot of) other people but would never want to think of their partner thinking the same way . Most people dont follow up these thoughts for many reasons but I do think they exist within us all even if its just curiosity .

I can in all honesty as a man say that monoghamy goes against my natural instincts but being in a relationship seems to override those feelings to a certain extent tho they are still definitely there.
 

Olly

No longer active
the thing is most people inevitably just get bored of each other but stick around out of habit...

everyone is 5hitscared of growing old alone - and I think that fuels monogamy - also worth noting that there are hell of a lot of socially stunted / ugly / tragic people simply unable to play the field even if they tried

but I have no doubt that everyone has extracurricular randy impulses unless they're a eunuch or a plane spotter or something
 

Robder

Active Member
...and the act is kinda irrelevant anyway. How many meaningless sex encounters have you had for example?

It's the intent that comes before the act that's important.

If my partner was tearing himself apart fighting with his sex drive, constantly flicking through porn mags and guiltily giving people the eye then I'd want to know about it.

EVERYONE that fools themselves with monogamy caves in and has an affair eventually - fact.
 

Stu Hirst

Active Member
it's probably a bit of a romantic ideal (excuse the pun), but I guess it does exist for some. I would like to think when you commit yourself to someone, then you take on that responsibility - easier said than done.
I guess it's not so much the physical act, it's everything else that comes with it (again, no pun intended !)
 

Olly

No longer active
I was reading a book about the Beatles last night and in the early 70s George was having it off with Ringo's wife and Eric Clapton was having it off with George's wife and John was having it off with Yoko's PA - the seventies does sound like swingers heaven
 

Bez

No longer active
If you love somebody i.e your partner, then the "sexual act" that you refer to is not the same.

Making love to your partner and having sex with a random is a completely different thing.

So I would safely say that yes, Monogamy exists........

Many people find monogamy a very pleasurable experience on a number of different levels where sex may, or may not be part of it.


Ps You will also find that the "slut" terminology is not restricted to "Western Christian culture"
 

Robder

Active Member
Ps You will also find that the "slut" terminology is not restricted to "Western Christian culture"
Still at it? :lol:

I would say yes it is because it's weighted towards women - religion says all women are whores and must be destroyed and cover themselves up for pleasing men.

Men congratulate each other for promiscuity, women generally don't.

...and sensual connected sex can happen between people who don't know each other - this doesn't discredit a meaningful relationship - they're two different things.
 

grego

Active Member
Thankfully I don't live in this world...

...but thought I'd bring up the subject anyway because it's on my mind.

I have a couple of friends who have been together for bloody ages and everything looked so bleedin' perfect (almost annoyingly so). I recently found out that there have been a few unspoken activities going on below the radar. Initially I was really surprised but on reflection, I'm really not.

2 things will happen when I've written this:

i) This post will be littered with replies from married men (& women) saying, "Oh God I'd never cheat on my lover" :lol: :rolleyes:

ii) People will say, 'aaah you would say that you're a bloke'.

I've got sooo many female friends who are completely in touch with their sexuality in a really positive way. They celebrate this by having sex as often as possible (commonly known in Western Christianised guilty quarters as 'sluts').

However in their defence, the approach to these acts mean that they're not forgettable throwaway drunken Friday nighters. We're talking connected, worthwhile experiences.

Whyyyyyy do people bother labelling relationships as monogamous when 90% of lovers cheat at some point? It's a natural drive ffs - suppressing it manifests in all sorts of horrible ways...ancient cultures have been doing it for thousands of years.

Even Chinese Taoist cultures promote the benfits of a second partner for women to train in sexual disciplines. :lol:

I understand the importance of family etc - but why are people deluding themselves that they are more than happy to have a single lover for the rest of their lives?

Anyone who says they want this is talking absolute b*llocks.

(yes you are)

(no I'm not)

etc... :rolleyes:

Just had to get that out.
so much of this post is so funny. i've re-read it twice and found something different every time.

all hail robder!! :lol::lol:
 

jjinit

New Member
Having been quite prolific in my earlier years I can see all sides, nowadays
Im married and have taken a vow etc, etc. Doesnt mean I dont get urges though, and sometimes (not very often) when I DO get it put on me I politely rebuff, and agree with shagger buckers that in exchange I wouldnt want my missus doing it. I think if you are going to do it, do it when you are young, get it out of your system and then settle down, dont marry until your late 30's!!!

Robder when you mention your friends I cant help thinking of Nancy from peep show :lol:
 

Emma_1983

Active Member
I have to agree with most of the points on here - I just think some people are scared to admit to themselves that they havent at least once thought about doing something behind someones back or been in compromising situations - I see it go on all the time at work do's - not so much the actual doing but the intention
 

Olly

No longer active
we are too uptight as a whole but on the flipside there would be social chaos if every public park in the summer resembled a scene from Caligula

I personally blame a lot of sexual dissatisfaction on the porn and film industries setting fantasy standards most mere mortals could never hope to match
 

weloveliam@space

Active Member
Having been quite prolific in my earlier years I can see all sides, nowadays
Im married and have taken a vow etc, etc. Doesnt mean I dont get urges though, and sometimes (not very often) when I DO get it put on me I politely rebuff.
I think if you are going to do it, do it when you are young, get it out of your system and then settle down, dont marry until your late 30's!!!
:lol:
100% Agree with all the above and with Olly also.

Unless you cant, then getting it out of your system when younger will certainly help, ofcourse if you are a selfish cock/pussy hungry slag then it wont be easy.

I do think it is very different for men than it is for Women, on the whole that is, there are exceptions. But generally men find it more difficult to keep it in their trouser than women. Fact.
 

Robder

Active Member
when I DO get it put on me I politely rebuff
Literally in awe at your ability to restrain yourself.

I cant help thinking of Nancy from peep show
Wish I knew who that was.

get it out of your system and then settle down, dont marry until your late 30's!!!
Why does life stop when you hit 30?

Sex is clumsy in your 20s - 30 is when the fun starts! :lol:

On a serious note - why deny a natural urge? Is everyone married honestly going to spend the next 30 years being intimate with the same person, in the same bed, doing the same old routine?

Blimey I'd sooner have a cup of tea and radio 4.

(90% of people will have affairs - no one will want to admit it.)
 

grego

Active Member
this thread is already legendary.

especially the bit about roberto predicting what would be said and it then being said!!

also loving top shagger buckers, stud jj and the fact stan collymore is getting a mention
 
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