Tricky situation

Robder said:
Oh Christ no! (rubber :lol: ) ...but vanilla is cool too. ;)

Def not a swinger here - the thought of an organised sex party makes me shudder.

And honouring a natural drive that is present in us all (and denied by the majority) shouldn't give rise to a negative stereotype.
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Lol Rob you just can't seem to accept that fact that everybody is different! Maybe some people are happy in monogamous relationship :?:

If people want to explore out of their relationships, good for them. I don't think anyone can say what people should "naturally" be doing or shouldn't they.
 
Beckiboo said:
Maybe some people are happy in monogamous relationship
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Yes - and good luck to those people.

I still think it's healthy to discuss these things though.

...

Beckiboo said:
If people want to explore out of their relationships, good for them. I don't think anyone can say what people should "naturally" be doing or shouldn't they.
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Yes and no.

We shouldn't need science to prove this kinda thing*. Just tapping into my own natural urges tells me that this is the case. No one on this planet stops looking at porn and checking out sexually desirable people on the street just because they are attached.

I only speak for men here but through anecdotal evidence can speak for women also. Slut is a negative term amongst women (and society) - stud is a revered term amongst males etc.

Monogamy is a choice - it's not a natural urge.

* but evidence based knowledge junkies should look no further...
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-x-chromosome-and-monogamy
 
Morbyd said:
You saying that the swinger lifestyle is negative? :evil:
:lol:
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not at all - but the syntax in this case definitely was:

'a load of debauched swingers'

means 'lots of people not like me that have too much sex'

Polygamy doesn't equal sex addiction.
 
Buckley said:
My mate got a text message from his girlfriend saying 'I know EVERYTHING. Your stuff is outside the front door, including your porn which I found, don't even ring the bell.':lol:
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Funny enough, these two are married with a beautiful baby boy now, so in some ways, they have bucked the norm Rob:lol:
 
I personally think men and women have very varied views over what's important to them in a relationship. Men are from Mars, women from Venus and all that.

For me, being faithful to someone is more important than releasing my "urges" :lol:

Anyway, quit ruining my thread!!! *pushes Robder out*
 
Why because he had an affair once?

Or because he's married?

...and when did I say every monogamous relationship was destined to fail?

Many people make it work for themselves which is great...but the urges remain because we're sexual beings and it's perfectly natural not to want to have sex with the same person for the next thirty-odd years. It's a sacrifice we choose.
 
Beckiboo said:
Men are from Mars, women from Venus and all that.
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No they most definitely aren't.

That's a statement that will put us back to the dark ages of Stepford Wives.

Gender is the full spectrum and we all sit somewhere different on it regardless of whether we have internal or external genital organs. :twisted:
 
Robder said:
Why because he had an affair once?

Or because he's married?

...and when did I say every monogamous relationship was destined to fail?

Many people make it work for themselves which is great...but the urges remain because we're sexual beings and it's perfectly natural not to want to have sex with the same person for the next thirty-odd years. It's a sacrifice we choose.
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I was being flippant because as far as she was aware, they were in a monogamous relationship but he was banging everything that moved, she found all of it out and they got past that. That isn't 'the norm' although it probably happens more than us straight-laced folks :)lol:) imagine.
 
Buckley said:
I was being flippant because as far as she was aware, they were in a monogamous relationship but he was banging everything that moved, she found all of it out and they got past that. That isn't 'the norm' although it probably happens more than us straight-laced folks :)lol:) imagine.
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"They got past that" - great! Glad they're happy (and I really honestly am).

But in our culture - this is the only way out of the so called 'problem'...because wanting polygamy or listening to your body in any way whatsoever is something that perceived as 'needing fixing' so that we can be normal and live happily ever after.

Sod happily ever after - it infers that life has stopped. My (minority?) view - that I'm entitled to express - is that it's good to clumsily come from a place of not knowing and without pre-defined society constructs. That way we're just on a journey that's continually evolving and doesn't need fixing.

HOW can we say, "THIS is the person I'm going to be for the rest of my life?"

I'd never want to put that pressure on a partnership (with or without children) - love should be what keeps two people together, not commitment.

(oh and I'll exit the thread when you all stop playing :lol:)
 
Robder said:
"They got past that" - great! Glad they're happy (and I really honestly am).

But in our culture - this is the only way out of the so called 'problem'...because wanting polygamy or listening to your body in any way whatsoever is something that perceived as 'needing fixing' so that we can be normal and live happily ever after.
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But Rob can't you see that you're being equally narrow minded by telling us that monogamy needs fixing??
 
Robder said:
"They got past that" - great!
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A betrayal is something to get past. He'd promised not to sleep with other people and broke that promise. Whether that promise is an unatural one, forced upon him by learned societal norms, he made it and she was heartbroken that he'd betrayed her.

Although now I think about, three of the couples that split up that weekend are together and have kids now......
 
Robder said:
I don't think it needs fixing.
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So you and I both agree then, that if someone wants to say "This is the person I want to be with for the rest of my life" and stay monogamous... that's totally normal and fine?

Similarly... if someone says wants to be polygamous and not commit to just one person, that's totally normal and fine too?
 
Generalist statements about other people's relationships don't really mean much without a context.

It's like saying, I once knew a straight bloke who was married with kids for 20 years. Then he slept with another man and chose the 'right' path - he's not looked back since. (equally meaningless.)

My point was that despite nature and scientific study, polygamy is seen as a sin that needs fixing. That's all.

Those practicing monogamy needn't get angered unless it's hitting a nerve.
 
Beckiboo said:
So you and I both agree then, that if someone wants to say "This is the person I want to be with for the rest of my life" and stay monogamous... that's totally normal and fine?

Similarly... if someone says wants to be polygamous and not commit to just one person, that's totally normal and fine too?
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Yes.

...and it's also fine to discuss these things without bringing our own experience into the equation and getting emotional.
 
Robder said:
Yes.

...and it's also fine to discuss these things without bringing our own experience into the equation and getting emotional.
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I think you secretly want to get married to a nice lady, have a family, two cats and a rabbit in the garden and drink Horlicks on Sunday evenings. Come on Rob..... come over to the dark side!!! It's great over here :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :lol:
 
Beckiboo said:
I think you secretly want to get married to a nice lady, have a family, two cats and a rabbit in the garden and drink Horlicks on Sunday evenings. Come on Rob..... come over to the dark side!!! It's great over here :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :lol:
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:lol: :lol: :lol:

You might be right.
 
As Freud theorised its the persons identity or "ID" that is responsible for our basic sexual and instincitual needs. Its our Ego that tells us how to fit into society and convention while our Super Ego (guilt) referees between the two:)

here is a more detailed explanation of the above
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Id,_ego_and_super-ego

Where did that thread go to:eek:
 
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