SPTL086: Derrick May

@ElrowLovers - to your post

I totally agree that the flirty/horny/sexy factor is part of club culture and that it adds to the vibe. the whole flirting game while out is great, but everyone should also know when to stop. a sex pest, in my books, is when the other person clearly gives you signs (be that body language or an actual 'stop it') not to continue with whatever you're doing, yet you think you know better and just keep on. that to me, is when harrassment starts. no one likes unwanted gropes or kisses. it's about respect really.

I think I posted this years ago, but anyway. in one of my first ibiza years I ended up at matinée at space (daytime still) which always was a fantastic party with lots of beautiful people, both men and women. back then quite a few people thought I was gay and even though I had (and still have) lots of gay friends, I'm not. but I can party with anyone really. so that day, there was one guy who really started harassing me - groping me various times and continuing despite me clearly (friendly, but in a serious way) telling him to please stop. it went on and on and it actually made me leave the party. yes, the guy was definitely under the influence of substances, but it truly was a shitty experience for me and I don't take the 'I was smashed' for an excuse. in all these years it only ever happened once to me, but sadly, it happens far too much to women.
 
ElrowLovers said:
I'm curious...sincerely curious when someone is 'a sex pest'.
Cause I've now seen the term pass by twice, in both the Morillo thread and here. I've seen some crazy parties, dj booths, backstages and afterparties and I must say there's always some sort of flirting going on. A lot of male dj's love some barely clothed girls in or near the booths and the same girls like to be backstage, vip or in the booth dancing against the dj, flirting with him, taking selfies etc.

If the Dj goes along with this behavior...this game of give and take...(not including harassment or rape off course, please don't try put my words in the wrong context)...is he a sex pest? I've seen someone commenting about Morillo licking girls boobs in the dj booth. Well if that was with consent from both I don't see what's wrong with it and I don't feel that makes someone a sex pest. If he does it all the time with everyone and without consent...another story.

While no one should be forced to do anything or be touched or groped without consent...the other side of the medal is a return to a really prudish society. We've seen that happening on the beaches too. In the past so many women were not afraid to sunbathe topless and now it's almost disappeared completely. Also dressing up sexy in the streets sometimes gets disapproved.

We sometimes go to parties and festivals like Milkshake, Wasteland etc...where the atmosphere is a bit hedonistic, sexy, horny..no one would bat an eye if a dj licks someone boobs or slap an ass there. In fact no one would bat an eye if he licked a boob and the boob turns out to belong to a trans woman because it's all very diverse, LBGTI friendly, multicultural, I would even say feministic but in a way that the women there know what they want and don't want. The last few years I felt the house music scene was really open minded and especially with the usage of some drugs fun and sexy stuff just happened on the dance floor.

I just hope we're not mistaken normal human behavior of men and women, including dj's, together dancing and having some fun with being a sex pest. Being a sex pest for me is harassing other people, doing things they clearly don't want, sexual assault, rape.
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I get the impression we attend v different types of parties
 
stivi said:
@ElrowLovers - to your post

I totally agree that the flirty/horny/sexy factor is part of club culture and that it adds to the vibe. the whole flirting game while out is great, but everyone should also know when to stop. a sex pest, in my books, is when the other person clearly gives you signs (be that body language or an actual 'stop it') not to continue with whatever you're doing, yet you think you know better and just keep on. that to me, is when harrassment starts. no one likes unwanted gropes or kisses. it's about respect really.

I think I posted this years ago, but anyway. in one of my first ibiza years I ended up at matinée at space (daytime still) which always was a fantastic party with lots of beautiful people, both men and women. back then quite a few people thought I was gay and even though I had (and still have) lots of gay friends, I'm not. but I can party with anyone really. so that day, there was one guy who really started harassing me - groping me various times and continuing despite me clearly (friendly, but in a serious way) telling him to please stop. it went on and on and it actually made me leave the party. yes, the guy was definitely under the influence of substances, but it truly was a shitty experience for me and I don't take the 'I was smashed' for an excuse. in all this years it only ever happened once to me, but sadly, it happens far too much to women.
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I had exactly the same experience once in Space toilets.
I almost had to fight to make the guy understand I'm not gay.
 
Yep me too unfortunately (but in 'The Forum' Sheffield) - the guy was getting quite aggressive with it and almost ended up in violence. The incident really messed up mine, my wife's and friends' night up.

I've experienced some very strange incidents during my 'clubbing years'. I once had a guy come up to me in a club and asked if I'd go back to theirs (his and his wife's place) to have sex with her whilst he watched. His wife wasn't with him at that particular moment, but I noticed them together later and when he went off somewhere I felt it right to tell his wife what he said - she turned around and said "well, are you up for it then or what"!!!

Later on we moved on to another local club and knowing the doormen, I was having a chat with them outside, the next moment the same aforementioned guy is getting thrown out. The doormen told me that he'd just been caught climbing over a ladies toilet cubical to pester a lady (who wasn't his wife as it turned out).

Some people are seriously messed up!
 
Drew said:
Yep me too unfortunately (but in 'The Forum' Sheffield) - the guy was getting quite aggressive with it and almost ended up in violence. The incident really messed up mine, my wife's and friends' night up.

I've experienced some very strange incidents during my 'clubbing years'. I once had a guy come up to me in a club and asked if I'd go back to theirs (his and his wife's place) to have sex with her whilst he watched. His wife wasn't with him at that particular moment, but I noticed them together later and when he went off somewhere I felt it right to tell his wife what he said - she turned around and said "well, are you up for it then or what"!!!

Later on we moved on to another local club and knowing the doormen, I was having a chat with them outside, the next moment the same aforementioned guy is getting thrown out. The doormen told me that he'd just been caught climbing over a ladies toilet cubical to pester a lady (who wasn't his wife as it turned out).

Some people are seriously messed up!
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we're veering off-topic, but invitations like the one you just mentioned I've also had before. as long as it's all respectful I think this is perfectly alright.
 
the music people I know are a lot more upset about this than featherweights like Morillo or Jackmaster. May isn't just a legend, he partly invented all this. techno might have emerged from the kratftwerk/a baker/bambaata cross-pollination of the early 80s (Bambaata - another one!) and later cybotron (juan atkins) but it was may who really put it on the map with strings of life and all his mayday work. the younger ones on here won't know just how HUGE this man is in influence. all those promoters who ever had him play now wondering what might have happened whilst he was in town. should stress that nobody I've seen is defending him or making excuses, although probably unwise timing of carl craig to talk up his music today with this storm in the background...
 
Eeesh......well I think it was well noted in the Morillo thread that we should expect to see more stories emerge over the coming weeks. It was very much the case with Weinstein, Savile etc - once victims have been given a voice it empowers other potential victims to come forward (and rightly so).

It will be very interesting to see how the industry responds to the claims made against Derrick May. I'm wondering if promoters will already be scratching his name off lineups for 2021 parties knowing the heat they'll undoubtedly face if they choose to turn a blind eye. Unlike with the Morillo case in which his death was the ultimate end of his career, this is now a very live situation and I'm sure we're at the tip of the iceberg.
 
Tourist said:
the music people I know are a lot more upset about this than featherweights like Morillo or Jackmaster. May isn't just a legend, he partly invented all this. techno might have emerged from the kratftwerk/a baker/bambaata cross-pollination of the early 80s (Bambaata - another one!)
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Did Bambaata ever officially get into bother for his (alleged?) crimes? I was watching an Anthony Bourdain episode with him in it the other night, and the thought crossed my mind!
 
Johnny Vodka said:
Did Bambaata ever officially get into bother for his (alleged?) crimes? I was watching an Anthony Bourdain episode with him in it the other night, and the thought crossed my mind!
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good question. dunno, I think accusations were made in 2016 by at least 3 men but no formal charges I'm aware of

this whole topic is fun for those who enjoy gratuitous gossip but I personally find it all relentlessly depressing, not just because of these terrible crimes but also because you're forced to reappraise people you really admired. no more heroes. the stranglers were right.
 
Tourist said:
this whole topic is fun for those who enjoy gratuitous gossip but I personally find it all relentlessly depressing, not just because of these terrible crimes but also because you're forced to reappraise people you really admired. no more heroes. the stranglers were right.
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nail. head. it's depressing news and I don't enjoy the gossip about it at all.
 
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Tourist said:
this whole topic is fun for those who enjoy gratuitous gossip but I personally find it all relentlessly depressing, not just because of these terrible crimes but also because you're forced to reappraise people you really admired. no more heroes. the stranglers were right.
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You're absolutely spot on here.

As I said, I fear there will be even more to come over the following weeks - kind of like being told Santa isn't real. With that said, it's of the utmost importance that victims have their stories heard regardless of who the perpetrator is. Depressing is the perfect adjective indeed.
 
stivi said:
@ElrowLovers - to your post

I totally agree that the flirty/horny/sexy factor is part of club culture and that it adds to the vibe. the whole flirting game while out is great, but everyone should also know when to stop. a sex pest, in my books, is when the other person clearly gives you signs (be that body language or an actual 'stop it') not to continue with whatever you're doing, yet you think you know better and just keep on. that to me, is when harrassment starts. no one likes unwanted gropes or kisses. it's about respect really.

I think I posted this years ago, but anyway. in one of my first ibiza years I ended up at matinée at space (daytime still) which always was a fantastic party with lots of beautiful people, both men and women. back then quite a few people thought I was gay and even though I had (and still have) lots of gay friends, I'm not. but I can party with anyone really. so that day, there was one guy who really started harassing me - groping me various times and continuing despite me clearly (friendly, but in a serious way) telling him to please stop. it went on and on and it actually made me leave the party. yes, the guy was definitely under the influence of substances, but it truly was a shitty experience for me and I don't take the 'I was smashed' for an excuse. in all this years it only ever happened once to me, but sadly, it happens far too much to women.
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Thanks for the reply and for sharing that.
I think we agree and I have a similar experience...you're probably right that it happens far too much to women.
Anyway, enough definition of a sex pest for me now...back on topic.
 
Tourist said:
I get the impression we attend v different types of parties
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Probably both different and the same type of parties. I like the diversity of parties and crowds....as long as its respectful and everyone is happy with what's happening and expresses that consent both verbally and non-verbally. Each to his own off course, but you should try one of those parties I mentioned or KitKatclub in Berlin. You'll be amazed by the atmosphere and respect.
 
KarlHodson said:
You're absolutely spot on here.

As I said, I fear there will be even more to come over the following weeks - kind of like being told Santa isn't real. With that said, it's of the utmost importance that victims have their stories heard regardless of who the perpetrator is. Depressing is the perfect adjective indeed.
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There will and the Guys that people were praising for staying quite, might have been staying quite for a reason..
 
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