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No skivvies

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said,

'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck.
This is your grandma's idea.
 
George and Enid have been married for 60 years and now live together in a nursing home.

One day George comes back to the small room they share and informs Enid that he's leaving her for another woman.

"George, I can't believe this. Who is this other woman?"

"I hate to tell you this, but it's Ethel from down the hall" he answers shamefully.

"Well why are you leaving me for her after 60 years of marriage?" she asks.

"Well, to be honest, she gives me blow-jobs"

"But George, I give you blow-jobs too?!?!"

"Yeah" he replies, "but you haven't got Parkinson's..."
 
George and Enid have been married for 60 years and now live together in a nursing home.

One day George comes back to the small room they share and informs Enid that he's leaving her for another woman.

"George, I can't believe this. Who is this other woman?"

"I hate to tell you this, but it's Ethel from down the hall" he answers shamefully.

"Well why are you leaving me for her after 60 years of marriage?" she asks.

"Well, to be honest, she gives me blow-jobs"

"But George, I give you blow-jobs too?!?!"

"Yeah" he replies, "but you haven't got Parkinson's..."

:confused:
 
Just figured out why I'm Huskey once again.. It's the dam shampoo I have been using in the shower that runs down my body. It reads, "For extra volume and body". Starting to day I will use Dawn dish soap. It reads, "Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove". Re-post if you have the same issue & a good sense of humor ;-)Stole from Ms R klock
 
‎2 kids in a hospital outside the operating room, 1st kid asks, "What are you in here for?" 2nd kid says, "getting my tonsils out, I'm a little nervous. 1st kid says,"You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was 4. They put you to sleep, when you wake up they give you Jelly & ice cream. It's a breeze." 2nd kid asks, "What are you here for?"1st kid says,"Circumcision." "Whoa!", the 2nd kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year!!
 
I met a fat girl in the pub last night and said to her,
"Jesus you're a big lass aren't you?!"

With a tear in her eye she said,
"Tell me something I don't know!"

So I said,
"Salad tastes nice..."
 
When I was 16 my girlfriend dumped me. she told me I was too kinky for her.







I nearly spat her piss out when she told me.
 
I spoke to an old friend today. I asked him,
"So what are you up to these days?"

He said,"I prepare meals for the homeless, druggies , pissheads and down & outs.

I said "so you work in a charity drop in centre?".

"No", he replied "I'm a chef at Wetherspoons"
 
Went into a pub toilet last night.
Came face to face with a giant bear.
Realised I accidentally went through door marked "Gentleben".
 
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
 
A man is surveying the air hostesses in the departure lounge at Heathrow and notices a uniform he doesn't recognise.

Over he goes.

"Sprechen Sie Deutsche?" he says. No response. Not Lufthansa then he thinks.

"Sei troppo bella." he tries. Just a blank stare. Not Alitalia then.

"How's things in Wollongong?"

She fixes him with an angry glare. "What the **** do you want?" she says.




"Ah" he says "Ryanair".
 
A man is surveying the air hostesses in the departure lounge at Heathrow and notices a uniform he doesn't recognise.

Over he goes.

"Sprechen Sie Deutsche?" he says. No response. Not Lufthansa then he thinks.

"Sei troppo bella." he tries. Just a blank stare. Not Alitalia then.

"How's things in Wollongong?"

She fixes him with an angry glare. "What the **** do you want?" she says.




"Ah" he says "Ryanair".
:lol:
 
10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Sir Jimmy Saville.



Now we have no Jobs, no Cash, no Hope and no one to Fix it!
 
A man says to his wife tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time
his wife replies you have a bigger c0ck than your brothers
 
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