Massively detailed Ibiza Review 2012 :)

beans

Member
I never heard of Greg James or DJ postman.. Have to read it again later still pmsl at it..:)
DJ Postman is not very well known at all. I had a chat with him after he finished DJ'ing and he said he was working in Tesco not that long ago!

I am not sure if this is a wind up or not, especially after the "can I get sun burnt in Ibiza" thread but it was err funny to read :lol:
Can I ask is English your first language?
I think you could of done other things to have a better time, but in all honesty the first few times and probably many more are all a learning curve in Ibiza, you obviously realised the west end and it's usual clientèle are a bit less desirable then the rest of the towns people :twisted: That said I have seen much worse in other places like Portugal, Main land Spain and Magaluf :rolleyes:
This is completely serious and the 'can i get sun burnt in ibiza' thread wasn't me!

English is my first language. And I learnt so much from the trip. I was saying to my friends that if I had to do it all over again, I am pretty sure none of these disasters would have happened. For example, after losing my phone in Eden and then finding it later, I became so much more cautious (I put my phone in a buttoned pocket and every 20 minutes I was putting my hand in my pocket to check it was still there).

Actually, I found that even in clubs like Space on the other side of the island, it is infested with chavs! The west end really wasnt that bad although we never spent a long time there. We usually just walked through it and we would get approached by loads of people trying to get us to go into the place they were promoting. We once had pre drinks in there and this was very early so it wasnt that busy at that point. It was so cheap though for pre drinks on that night!

Oh, and I wish I saw Amanda Holden over there. I have had a crush on her for about 15 years I would of been desperate for a pic :lol::oops:
I thought she was fairly ugly tbh!
 

beans

Member
How do you manage to lose stuff all the time?
1) Phone must have just fallen out of my pocket as I was jumping up and down in the club. Or perhaps someone tried to pickpocket me and then realised my phone was so bad so he chucked it on the floor.

2) The money card I have no idea about really!

I think since there was just 3 of us and we did look a lot less chavy compared to everyone else out there, we may have been more of a target!


For some reason he hated it and wanted them all to go away so he could actually sleep! If that was me, I would have kinda liked it!
 
I

icebaer69

Guest
... ever heard of a combination padlock for your bag ? :idea:
... they sell them at most good airport shopping centres :p)
useless - do you think certain people interested in your luggage
give a F about these silly padlocks ?

they break them within seconds or slit your bag open or just take the whole thing
and walk away with the whole bag right through the door :twisted:
 

beans

Member
seriously?
Yup. This is all 100% true. I wouldn't write that amount just to make it all up!

:eek: crazy **** :eek:
Actually just before we left to go to Ibiza my mates dad texted him saying 'have a good time but watch out for those german girls as you can't trust them'. We thought his dad was just joking/being racist but actually he was 100% spot on.

Basically what happened was there were about 5 girls who were all friends and were all together at the club. They would kind of go in a little huddle and talk to each other. I guess they are talking about which person to target. They may then try and point to the person (without this person seeing) and try and target him by giving him drugs. They don't go up to you and say 'do you want some drugs' but instead they just subtly drug you without you realising. 4 of the girls were quite ugly, and the other girl was literally the hottest girl I have ever seen in my life. She had the most absolutely amazing boobs. Seriously I can't explain how amazing they were and I am not really a boob person. Anyway, she knew she was hot and if she asked a guy for a little sip of his drink, they guy would give it to her as the guy would think he is going to get with her. When actually she spits out a drug into his drink and then the guy will drink it again and get drugged.


Happened to me in Tenerife when I was 18, loved it :lol: Only bad thing is it was our last night and I didnt sleep until we got to the airport in the morning straight from the night out.
What? Someone spiked your drink in basically the same way to what happened to my mate?

Also, every night I was getting about 2 hours sleep. It was just so hot, my mate would snore really loudly, I was paranoid about my stuff etc. Normally we would go to the beach during the day and I may get another hours sleep or so there.
 

beans

Member
Not being used to operating on little to no sleep and the cumulative effects of boozing for days on end I'd guess !



+1
That was probably it. I became so clumsy it was unreal. At one point in Space, some guy wanted me to take a picture of him and his mate and I thought I was taking a picture of them but actually they were facing the other way so I ended up taking a picture of their backs!

Also apparently those people had a background picture on their iphone of the two naked holding their penises! but I was so tired I didn't notice and only afterwards my mate said 'did you see their background to their phone.


Is this for real? beans,you seem very naive for an 18 year old with the internet on tap...
maybe an exercise in creative writing?
Whatever, an enjoyable read,so thanks.
Honestly, every thing I wrote was 100% true. And I guess I am naive for an 18 year old after some of those events that happened but I have definitely learnt from them!
 

Evolution

Well-Known Member
Basically what happened was there were about 5 girls who were all friends and were all together at the club. They would kind of go in a little huddle and talk to each other. I guess they are talking about which person to target. They may then try and point to the person (without this person seeing) and try and target him by giving him drugs. They don't go up to you and say 'do you want some drugs' but instead they just subtly drug you without you realising. 4 of the girls were quite ugly, and the other girl was literally the hottest girl I have ever seen in my life. She had the most absolutely amazing boobs. Seriously I can't explain how amazing they were and I am not really a boob person. Anyway, she knew she was hot and if she asked a guy for a little sip of his drink, they guy would give it to her as the guy would think he is going to get with her. When actually she spits out a drug into his drink and then the guy will drink it .
Could this have not been the case that your mate was just wasted and couldn't handle his booze?
Add to that the drinks prices in clubs, a lot of girls try the 'can I have a sip of your drink' and most guys tend to say yes
 

kimajy

Well-Known Member
The one thing I was really hoping for and wasn't there was ... a bit more sex - a hand-job at the very least :twisted:

useless - do you think certain people interested in your luggage
give a F about these silly padlocks ?

they break them within seconds or slit your bag open or just take the whole thing
and walk away with the whole bag right through the door :twisted:
Best solution is to book into a different hotel which has a proper room accessed via reception front desk to leave your stuff.
 

beans

Member
Assuming this is all "for real" ...
Enjoyed reading this .. start of your trip was definitely in at the deep end considering this


Yes... In fact during my time, I was thinking 'I really do have to do a review on this forum when I get back and it is going to be the most dramatic review ever after everything that had happened!'.

think you did well to manage it out - all things considered - to be fair. The more tired you get and the more you indulge in booze and/or drugs, the more careful and focused you have to be with your stuff. It just takes lots of practice (and a fair few sacrificial possessions along the way) to get to the point when you're as in control of everything you lose during your trips as it's possible to be :!: :p
I am sure it was a combination of being tired, not eating a lot, not drinking a lot of water (dehydrated throughout the whole holiday) etc. I never took drugs though and never will.

Must admit I'm a bit confused by the room thing. My guess is that you didn't pay for the room from the night before your arrival (i.e. stated your arrival date was the date you technically landed - which would give you a midday-2pm check-in that day virtually anywhere). Learning curve indeed ;) .. next time, if your flight lands in early morning / antisocial hours and you want in to the room on arrival, just book the night before you arrive and e-mail the hotel before you arrive telling them your arrival time. It usually avoids problems like you had.
Both my mates I went with live about half and hour from me and they went round each others houses to sort it out. So basically I said I was relying on them to make sure they did everything 100% correctly. But I will take your advice when I am responsible for these sorts of things.

Can't say you weren't warned about the vests ... with photos ;) :lol: .. seriously tho', don't judge everyone on their appearances or accents .. many apparently "chavvy" people are actually very nice... and there are plenty of well-turned out suave and sophisticated confidence tricksters about out there too :spank:. Are you glad you didn't take these now
I guess you are probably right there but I would say the majority of them were bad. There was 1 guy actually who had the exact same problem as us about the booking of the hotel. We went for showers using the public bathroom area in the hotel and there was 1 guy doing the same and he said he had the same problem as us. To be honest, he looked mega chavy but seemed fairly nice after that little chat.

Presumably the card you lost was this one if so, surely you can get the card re-issued to retrieve the money if it's been stopped ?
Yeah it was that one. I phoned my parents (phoned them quite a lot and spent so much money on foreign calls) and they cancelled the card and managed to get all the money back. Then they sent the money back out again through a money transfer company (Moneygram). I don't really know what they did but they must have gone to a Moneygram store in England and said how much they wanted to send out to me in Ibiza. Then I had to go to a Moneygram store in Ibiza (which took ages to find particuarly when it was so hot) and they texted me all this information like a reference number and one or two other things. Then I had to show my passport and say how much I am taking out.

or maybe it's partly because it's not usually in the mid-30s in the shade in the Shires ?
True, but on previous holidays to hot countries I've never really seen the whole population walking round in vests.

forget the diarrhoea - loads of us use it before/after going into hot clubs and in the daytime too, to help deal with inevitable dehydration and reduce fatigue considerably...
Wow that looks really good. A little late now but that would have been perfect because it is small, probably cheap and would mean I would not have to be drinking water every 5 minutes. Also what I normally did was fill up an empty bottle of water from the tap, stick it in the fridge, and then the next day I would take it to the beach. However after a while at the beach, the water would just get warm. So those things you recommended would be great as I wouldn't have this problem of the water getting warm.


You clearly hadn't drunk enough :spank:
For some strange reason I just couldn't get drunk in Ibiza. I hadn't drank in about a month before going to Ibiza as I was saving up money, but somehow I could tolerate so much alcohol. I was really confused because even though I had drank loads I wouldn't get drunk, even though i barely slept i didn't actually feel too tired, even though i barely ate i never felt that hungry etc.

We went to this shop (can't remember its name) but it was located on the corner of this road. It was kind of inbetween the Ibiza rocks hotel and the west end. Everything there was so cheap. So we bought 3 bottles of San Miguel each. And these bottles were HUGE! Apparently they were the equivalent of 3 pints for each bottle. So I ordered 3 bottles meaning I drank 9 pints and strangely I didn't feel drunk (to top it off I was drinking on an empty stomach). And even when we went to the west end for pre drinks, I had a pint of beer, a triple shot of jaeger, sex on the beach, a shot of tequila and a shot of sambuca. This didn't do anything to me either! I really didnt understand what was going on because I have got drunk off 3 cans of carlsberg before...

didn't you read Knifey Spooney's thread on the matter before you left :arrow: http://www.spotlight-forums.com/showthread.php?t=76215 :confused:
Never saw that forum till now. Why is some guy talking about me in there saying I apparently know him?

Being completely serious here but I have absolutely no idea who he is.

But that guy seems pretty thick to not realise that in 30+ degrees, you would get burnt!

Also, my sunburn was really weird because I fell asleep with my hand on my chest. So when I got sunburnt, I have a big patch in the middle of my chest which is completely white (from where my hand was) and sunburn all around it.

please tell me you didn't pass up the chance of a quick shag on your maiden
I left still a virgin! Even though it was a nice dance, she walked off after 10 minutes or so. I was really gutted when she left. To be honest though, if you have sex with a girl in ibiza, then she is going to be an absolute slag who must have been looking for it every night and had probably been sleeping with a different guy throughout the whole holiday.

Impressed you made it to a big club on your first trip. Shame about the drink thing - if it really was a drink-spiking incident (and not a delayed reaction to pre-drinking in San An which is not unheard of !) that sucks. Just have to be on your guard with drinks in clubs... and beware of German honey-traps with big boobies :lol:
What do you mean you are surprised I made it to a big club on my first trip?

It was definitely drink spiking. She was carrying this money belt thing around as well and that was where she was keeping all the drugs. My mate knew she was spiking people's drinks but he didn't realise HE was one of the people that was actually spiked until about 30 minutes later when he said he was feeling light headed and his vision was going weird.

Most of the other people would literally just go up to you and say 'do you want some pills?'. They aren't subtle about it at all. Just saying 'no' would make them go away but that girl was different as she wasn't asking if you wanted it - she would just give it to you without realising.

What was really weird though, is the bouncer walked up to her and aimed this little green light at her. The bouncer then took her and her mate out, but she walked back in 5 minutes later! So I am wondering if maybe she ended up drugging the bouncer somehow! Or maybe she just gave him some money and said 'be quiet about it' sort of thing.

Actually, there's emergency food like sandwiches on sale behind the bar up the steps in the Sunset Terrace .. and it costs no more than a service station in the UK :eek: .. it's the drinks in there which are really pricey.
Oh? We found a kebab shop which was massively overpriced! I think I just ordered a water there although i cant remember exactly.

Sounds like healthy paranoia to me :p .. tho' a pair of Hywel's cargo shorts with secure pockets would probably have sorted most of your problems (that's why we wear them out and to clubs !)
I'm not a fan of cargo shorts but it definitely would keep my valuable items secure. I wore just a normal pair of shorts but they had a buttoned pocked at the back. This wallet thing was just a panic moment. I had it the whole time but after the last 2 incidents, I just worried loads as soon as i couldnt see it.

w t f :?: ... Now I know I would definitely not be bothering with a boat party in Ibiza these days. The only bit I really like is jumping off :spank: :spank: :spank:
The boat party was actually great. One of the highlights of the trip. Just as we left the harbour the guy said 'if anyone jumps off the boat, they will be collected and taken back to the harbour and then taken to public authorities as well as the fact that that boat party will be over'. So basically you will get reported to the police and everyone on the boat will be pissed off with you as the boat would have to go back and everyone would have wasted their money on the boat party.

Should have just taken her back to your room and had done with it :p
She wasn't the best looking and she was completely sober. I don't even think she was slutty at all but just wanted to grind. She definitely would not have had sex. She wasn't one of those ibiza sluts you get in the west end.

In vino veritas :?: :lol:. Booze, drugs, heat and lack of sleep = emotional rollercoaster :!:
Yeah, this was when we were drinking loads of San Miguels. We were basically just talking about Juan Mata. He said (this was when he was sober) that Juan Mata is a good looking guy. I kinda actually agreed - it's not really shameful to admit if a guy is good looking. But then he started going a lot further as he started drinking and saying, if he had to do a footballer up the bum, it would be Thierry Henry. Then he said he would love to do a threesome with Theirry Henry and Juan Mata!

Pornographic is a notorious sausage-fest :). Too much dancing with the ladies, not enough s****ing - you're 18 in Ibiza
Definitely! You are so right. As soon as they call it 'pornographic' the guys will come in. As soon as the stripper girls started getting naked on the stage, all the guys started filming it!

Oh the joys of the West End in the early hours :rolleyes: ... absolute carnage :lol: :lol: :lol:. If / when you go back next time, stay a bit further out of town towards Calo d'es Moro or at the Hostal Tarba near the bus station. Promise you'll find the experience far more pleasant and in all likelihood no more expensive ;)
Ok! If we went back, we would definitely not stay at the Ibiza Rocks hotel again! We thought Ibiza Rocks was meant to be a more classy hotel in Ibiza! In fact, when we were at the beach on the second last day, we were swimming in the sea just chatting and then 2 girls approached us who had just arrived. They were both from Manchester and were the first people we had seen that werent absolutely massive chavs. They were quite nice and basically just wanted to know where things were, what to do etc. They decided to go in the sea because they got sick of lying on the beach and having people approaching them trying to sell them tickets to different places.

I asked them where they were staying. They couldn't remember the hotel name but they pointed in the direction and we later walked past it and I think it may have been Calo d'es Moro. They were saying that where they stayed, it was actually really nice and the people there were friendly. They said that quite a lot of families were staying there and you could get bed and breakfast there! It all sounded so luxurious compared to our hotel!


By the way, thanks for the in depth response to my review :D
 
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beans

Member
This has to be a wind up
Don't believe me if you do not want to but every thing I wrote here is true. Why would I write that much just to lie?

Hi, I'm a long time lurker here but had to register to say that this review is the greatest thing I have ever read.
Thanks - And thanks for reading all of it as it took ages to write it all!

Yeah i think it is too..gave a mate a read of it last night and he loved it,wind up or not these things do happen on your first holiday..i think there is to much in it to be a wind up myself.Jesus i remember a girl asking me do i want fork before and i taught she said do you wanna fu*k:D
These things definitely did happen on this holiday. Next time I go on holiday though without my parents etc, I would be so much more prepared and probably all of problems will not occur!
 

beans

Member
Tips for your next visit -

1. Take one of your parents with you.

2. Prior to next visit, spend some time hanging around some less privileged areas of the UK. There are loads of them up here in the North West.

3. Dont book an overhyped hotel that is going to contain individuals who dont really want to sleep.

4. Take twice as much money.

5. Learn yerself Scouse, "blending in" is the key.

6. Not my thing really but buy some vests.

:)
1. Going to places without your parents is all part of learning and growing up. I can certainly say I have matured after this holiday.

2. Why would I travel the whole country just to experience less privileged areas? There are still parts of England down south that are dumps. I have spent a week with my cousin whose mum lives in Dagenham and his dad lives in Canning Town (divorced parents). Which are both rough areas. Plus I've experienced rough parts of Portsmouth, Reading etc.

3. You are probably right there.

4. Not able to afford it. Thing is, I don't want to go to Maga because if Ibiza is meant to be the 'classy' lads holiday destination, then Maga will be literally the biggest dump ever. Even if it is loads cheaper!

5. To learn scouse, I would have to live in Liverpool for a while. Why would I do that just to blend in on a lads holiday for 1 week?

6. True. Next time if I do go again, I will buy some but I won't be going around in 1 for the whole holiday. 3 vests or so should be enough.


oh and

7. If a bird touches your privates she wants to make them public. ;) (seize the moment)
7. She never touched my private parts. She basically grabbed my hand and used my hand to rub her privates. Plus I can't really seize the moment half way through a night out (i am not going to pull down my trousers and have sex there and then!)
 

beans

Member
"...
my top 3 tips

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ok for all of yours who keep asking the me for tips to pull a burd on ibiza my 3 top tips are

1) if your out in a club always remember the bigger the boobs the smaller the brain

2) always go for girls who are on there last night they are so easy

3) every holes a goal
..."


:arrow:
http://www.spotlight-forums.com/showthread.php?t=12044
From what I have learnt - this is what I do:

1) Look around for some girls making eye contact with me
2) Make sure they make eye contact two or 3 times (they may have just looked in my direction by accident otherwise)
3) Make a move by going close to her but not too close
4) Wait till she backs into you. Once she does this... you are ready.
5) Then grab her just above the waist and grind away
6) Move your hands a little lower after a few minutes
7) Occasionally look at her or say something to her but keep any conversation brief

Then my other tips are:
- Choose a girl with a drink in her hand as he is more likely to be drunk or getting drunk. If you have seen a girl who has not had a drink in her hand for the last hour, she will be sober and a lot harder.
- The more skimpy/less clothes she is wearing, the more she is probably looking for a guy to grind with
 

beans

Member
It was at Bar M and we were waiting for our friend to finish work one night and she always brought us out food at end of night we sit on beach eating and drinking for hours..most of the people that worked around there would do the same and have a great cheap night on beach till sun rise...goodtimes..:D
Ermmmm are you sure you posted this in the right thread?



world´s most dangerous craziest **** ever :!:

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:




actually it´s the 8th wonder of the world that 100% of your stuff
wasn´t already gone 4ever on your first day @ ibiza :idea: :twisted:
We were aware that our stuff could so easily get stolen but just the though of spending another 6 hours in the hotel (after we had already spent 6 and a half hours or so there) was just too much to bare so we just decided to take the risk. We did turn all the lights off though, hid the bag right in the corner, close the door.
 

kimajy

Well-Known Member
From what I have learnt - this is what I do:

1) Look around for some girls making eye contact with me
2) Make sure they make eye contact two or 3 times (they may have just looked in my direction by accident otherwise)
3) Make a move by going close to her but not too close
4) Wait till she backs into you. Once she does this... you are ready.
5) Then grab her just above the waist and grind away
6) Move your hands a little lower after a few minutes
7) Occasionally look at her or say something to her but keep any conversation brief

Then my other tips are:
- Choose a girl with a drink in her hand as he is more likely to be drunk or getting drunk. If you have seen a girl who has not had a drink in her hand for the last hour, she will be sober and a lot harder.
- The more skimpy/less clothes she is wearing, the more she is probably looking for a guy to grind with
Wayne18uk ... it's been a long time coming, but there is a new school of thought on the tactics of "pulling burds"....

She never touched my private parts. She basically grabbed my hand and used my hand to rub her privates. Plus I can't really seize the moment half way through a night out (i am not going to pull down my trousers and have sex there and then!)
It's not been unknown at Fiesta del Agua, I'm quite sure of that ;) :lol: ... idea is generally to take her back to your gaff for a roll in the hay
 
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beans

Member
This review is screaming out for photos. :lol:

1. To prove it's real, and
2. I just want to see this lot on a night out.
Haha I will upload a photo or two in a bit (applying for jobs atm so busy - needing to make money as I wasted so much money calling home a lot to sort out the money getting sent over to Ibiza).

What sort of photo do you want? Eg meeting a famous person, boat party or what?
 

beans

Member
so since I am 38 and not massively muscular either, are my days in Ibiza already over :?: I think not !!!



Hmmm ... the chinny reckon bit does keep flashing on and off ...



... or maybe not all tattooed chavs are thieves after all :p (PS - maybe take one of there next time .. available airside from all UK airports :arrow: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B000X8YBEA/ref=asc_df_B000X8YBEA9182325?smid=AU7W3MWOPATBF&tag=hydra0b-21&linkCode=asn&creative=22218&creativeASIN=B000X8YBEA&hvpos=1o2&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1291551221812342310&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt= )
Well your looks/age doesn't matter really because we stood out from the crowd but still had a good time. But being similar to the people around you certainly helps loads. Particuarly if you want to get laid because a 25 year old girl isn't going to want to get with a skinny'ish 18 year old when there are other 25 year olds around who seem more like 'lads'.

And yeah bringing a lock would have definitely been wise. However you can already tell I am not so wise!
 
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