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Buckley

Well-Known Member
Janet Street Porter and Esther Rantzen walk into a resturant for lunch. The waiter walks over and says "Good afternoon Ladies, can I interest you in a small apertif?"

Still makes me chuckle:lol:
 
What do you call a lady with big teeth that sleeps in the afternoon? Siesta Rantzen.
 
A woman goes to the dentist. When he bows to begin to work, she grabs his balls. The dentist says,
"Madam, I believe you have taken my private zone."
The woman answers, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."
 
Nicholas Sarkozy, Bin Laden & Obama were one day walking through a park together discussing their next moves in the fight for terrosism when suddeny Sarkozy kicked what he thought was just a small pebble. On kicking the pebble a plume of smoke started to descend on the three wise leaders & once it cleared there sat floating in the air infront of them was genie. The genie told the three men that he had a message for them ofwhich was if they wanted they could all make a wish & he the genie would grant it. On hearing this Sarkozy asked if he could go first & thus demanded that the French unemployment rate was at it's lowest ever. The genie clicked his fingers & a few seconds later the French President received a phone call from his employment minister to say that France is now reporting 0% unemployment. Delighted with this Sarko began to celebrate when it was the turn for Bin Ladens wish ofwhich he asked for all Muslim Countries around the World to have 50m high walls, 10m thick & no entry from outside influences. The genie clicked his fingers & within a few seconds Laden received a call from his second in command telling of the unrest within the Muslim Countries because the people cannot leave or escape. Laden was overjoyed with such news & thus could not thank the genie enough. Last it was the turn of Obama who asked the genie what his good friend Bin Laden had wished for ofwhich the genie told him "all muslim countries have 50m high walls & 10m thick so their people cannot escape." On reflecting bin ladens wish Obama thought about it for a few seconds then asked the genie to fill up bin ladens wish:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
 
Do you mean fill up with water?

So is that then suggesting that Obama would like all muslim people to die?

Did I miss the point here?

Nicholas Sarkozy, Bin Laden & Obama were one day walking through a park together discussing their next moves in the fight for terrosism when suddeny Sarkozy kicked what he thought was just a small pebble. On kicking the pebble a plume of smoke started to descend on the three wise leaders & once it cleared there sat floating in the air infront of them was genie. The genie told the three men that he had a message for them ofwhich was if they wanted they could all make a wish & he the genie would grant it. On hearing this Sarkozy asked if he could go first & thus demanded that the French unemployment rate was at it's lowest ever. The genie clicked his fingers & a few seconds later the French President received a phone call from his employment minister to say that France is now reporting 0% unemployment. Delighted with this Sarko began to celebrate when it was the turn for Bin Ladens wish ofwhich he asked for all Muslim Countries around the World to have 50m high walls, 10m thick & no entry from outside influences. The genie clicked his fingers & within a few seconds Laden received a call from his second in command telling of the unrest within the Muslim Countries because the people cannot leave or escape. Laden was overjoyed with such news & thus could not thank the genie enough. Last it was the turn of Obama who asked the genie what his good friend Bin Laden had wished for ofwhich the genie told him "all muslim countries have 50m high walls & 10m thick so their people cannot escape." On reflecting bin ladens wish Obama thought about it for a few seconds then asked the genie to fill up bin ladens wish:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
 
Do you mean fill up with water?

So is that then suggesting that Obama would like all muslim people to die?

Did I miss the point here?

Yes indeed it was fill it up with water
but the original part of this sick joke involved a US Hells Angel biker not Obama but for diplomatic reasons i changed the character :lol:
 
Went to the doc's this morning to get my testicles checked out.

While he was cupping my scrotum, he said "Don't worry, it's quite normal to get an erection during this kind of examination"

I said "I haven't got an erection" He replied "I didn't mean you":lol:
 
Free Drinks

"As good as this is, " said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pub's back home". In Glasgow, there's a wee place called Mctavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. "When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink"

"Well Angus", said the Englishman, " At my local in London called the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two"

"Ahhh, it's nothin", said the Irishman, "Back home in my favourate pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another infact all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see you get laid, on the house".

The English and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true.

Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no" admitted the Irishman, " But it did happen to me sister quite a few times".:lol:
 
The Erection of Life

A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. "Well, Sister this looks pretty grim".
"I know Father." Infact, i don't think it's likely that we can survive more than a day or two".
"I agree", says the Father. "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?"
"Anything, Father"
"I have never seen a woman's breasts and i was wondering if i might see yours?"
"Well, under the circumstances i don't see that it would do any harm."
The Nun opened up her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her lovely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
"Sister, would you mind if i touched them?". She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
"Father, could i ask something of you?"
"Yes, Sister?"
"I have never seen a man's p***s. Could i see your's?"
"I suppose that would be Ok", the Priest replied lifting his robe.
"Oh Father, may i touch it?"
The Priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection,
"Sister, you know that if i insert my p***s in the right place, it can give life."
"Is that true Father?"
"Yes, it is Sister"
"Oh Father, that's wonderful...Stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!":lol::lol:
 
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I was run over today in a car park by a rental car.





fcuckin hertz!









Yep it's crap but a large percentage of you will tell / email / text that to someone today.....
 
Yes indeed it was fill it up with water but the original part of this sick joke involved a US Hells Angel biker not Obama but for diplomatic reasons i changed the character :lol:
tumbleweed.jpg
 
Bride on her wedding night says to her new Husband..

I have a confession to make

What is it replies husband

Wife; I used to be a Hooker

Husband ; thats ok ...... ur past is ur past but i must admit i find it very erotic.....tell me about it..

Wife; My Name was Dave and I used to play for Munster.
 
Japanese Scientists have created a digital camera so fast, that it can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
 
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