wheresthe_lambsauce
Member
I am going to write a thorough review of my first time on the island, despite being absolutely exhausted after traveling around 17 hours in total today/yesterday. I have an afterglow from my experience and wanted to capture my feelings while they're fresh.
Dates you were there: August 28 to September 4 2021
Where you stayed: Wi-Ki-Woo, Sant Antoni - I purchased a front-facing sea view room for the week. I absolutely loved it here, despite its flaws - which I will go over after the positives. The staff were not only stunningly gorgeous but equally helpful and enthusiastic to make your stay as unique as possible. I may or may not have fallen head over heels for one of the staff - and she knew it. Also may or may not have gone on a cheeky date at one point. The drinks at the hotel bar were fantastic, potent and original. There was not a single dead night at the Wi Ki Woo bar while I was there, and it f***ing ruled. The pool, which I spent a day hanging around, was great too.
I will go over the cons now. The morning-after stench from the Wiggly Woo (the "secret" club which can be rented) reminded me very much of my days in college, living in a fraternity house - and not in a cute way. Beer, sweat, other bodily fluids...I could practically smell it from my door on the first floor. The noise from the club - or rather, its denizens - kept me up a night or two. But honestly, I wasn't even mad because I knew what I was signing up for - a party environment. And I loved it all the same.
Club nights visited: Only one real 'club' night. Pike's Wednesday night, for OuShe, an all-female DJ event led by Santanna Oush. I was adopted by a lovely group of British and French young people about my age, and we had an absolute blast dancing by our table. The DJs, on a rotation of sorts, had a really inconsistent vibe going, at point dipping to mid-90 BPM lounge after a half hour of great, bangin' house tracks. All was forgiven though because there was a course correction and things got back on track.
This is a general note. It really, really blew my mind how f***ing inconsistent security was, not just at Pike's but everywhere I went for nightlife, with dancing and enforcement. They would let us, they would stop us. They would let us, stop us. Ad nauseum. What is the point, if the EU is 70% vaccinated now? Another general point - masking. Nobody seemed to give a f*** about wearing one consistently, staff (whether it be at restaurants, bars, etc.) or tourists. I observed many a time a waitstaff taking off a mask to talk to a customer and then place it back on to walk back to the kitchen or bar. I did not care that they did not care - it simply did not compute to me that the Balearic government can lag so far behind in lifting restrictions. It was absurdity in the truest sense of the word.
Best night: There were so many highlights, but I think I have two - my first night, and the last night. The first night, I arrived at 19:00h, exhausted but determined to get food. I walked from the hotel to Es Pueto (recommended by, ahem, staff) which proved to be extremely taxing. But I couldn't care less that my feet now hurt. I was in Ibiza. I walked past the Sunset Strip just as our radiant star took to its evening ritual, and I stopped in my tracks, awed by the sheer enormity of the sun on the crystalline horizon and the crowds. I felt a swelling in my chest as what felt like thousands of people, myself included, applauded. I felt a momentary pang of silliness, like those people that clap when the plane lands. I quickly smothered that sentiment with the fact that, I was indeed in Ibiza. The question driving my ethos the entire week appeared for the first time since planning the trip - Why not?
I reached Es Pueto at 21:00h and had to wait an hour for a table. f*** it, I thought, I didn't walk this distance for nothing. Plus, I had passed Lineker's, Itaca, etc. on my way over and intended to hit them up on the way back. This was exactly what I did - I was seated alone in Itaca at a depressing island table where I felt all the people with table reservations could laugh at me, a la a Roman arena. Thankfully, two drinks in a group of young Irish people (four girls, one guy) asked me to take their group pic in the booth behind me. I sidled up and started conversation, asking if I could join them - to which they heartily agreed. Rounds and rounds and rounds of Jägerbombs flowed free as rain that night, mostly on me, and I walked (stumbled) out later having proudly won an admission from the Irishman that I, "an American," had outdrank him. I spryly headed home, that same dumb grin plastered on my face from earlier.
I also love the night at Paradise Lost for how ridiculous it was (detailed below).
Worst night: There are no bad nights in Ibiza. I will say, though, I headed to Formentera for my last day way too late in the day (15:00h) and did zero research on what to do there, so that was a pretty significant misstep on my part. It was a mess.
Best bar: Paradise Lost in Ibiza Town, by far. Massive props to Jim/Jimmy, the owner and utter genius mixologist. I do not say that lightly. I got there early enough in the night to where it was just him and I at one point inside, and he made me some special drinks he was still working on. He was receptive to my feedback, and made a second one with my advice in mind which I found to be both extremely considerate and humble on his part - I mean, who the hell was I, after all? He had a demeanor of gruff seriousness about him, but as I spoke with him at length about John Milton and his inspiration for the bar, I learned as any person getting the glimpse of another tends to do, that he was a kind and understanding man with a deep intelligence for handling people. And drinks. The f***ing drinks were incredible. I will miss Paradise Lost sincerely.
My time in the bar was cut short, however, by a character whom I will call "Eris" (the Greek goddess of strife and chaos), a gorgeous, blonde British woman who nearly got my shit f***ed up by a gang of locals in a botched drug deal where she got robbed. Long story short (though I relish each of the insane details that replay in my head) - she yanks me out of the bar after snagging me after I had placed an order. Grabs my hand, gives me a flash of her eyes that any man would turn their brain off for, and out we go into the night. There it is again, that question - why not? She tried buying drugs from local kids who couldn't have been older than 17-18 (against my will, I insisted seriously that she quit it - and realized at that moment I may have f***ed up) in the town center. She disappears with them, and reappears 10 minutes later saying they just took the money she offered them and ran. It becomes all she can talk about, and then yanks me again in their general direction. We end up in a dark street where she confronts the kids. A yelling match ensues between them as I try and hold her back by the waist. The guys are coming up in my face, yelling at me to get her out of there. More guys materialize from nearby doorways. Shit. Now I'm really trying to get her out of there but she is stoic. An older man whom I presume was the leader comes up and starts yelling at her. I feel her yield for a second - all I need to start dragging her by the waist to get out of there. I dump her on a street next to Paradise Lost with the leader, sprint into the bar to profusely apologize to Jim and to pay my tab, then sprint to the taxi queue by the ferry stop.
What the f*** just happened? I couldn't help but laugh my ass off in the taxi. After all, I had my money, cards, phone and keys on me. If I hadn't, I would have a much different opinion on what happened. I know Eris is still out there, just violently careening into other human beings like atoms in a Hadron collider.
Best place to eat: Best food I had was at Es Tragón, a Michelin * restaurant - though the service took an incredible four and a half hours to finish. Thankfully I met a lovely Polish family that kept me company throughout, and made for excellent conversation. Second-best foo foo place to eat was at IT Ibiza, in Marina Botafoch. Great Italian food.
Favorite unpretentious food was getting a true Spanish breakfast at Restaurante Benitez in San An. Cheap as shit, too.
Best beach and/or beach club: I had a great beach day at Cala Gracio on my first day on the island. I also went to Blue Marlin one day, but my time there was hamstrung by the fact that I had booked Pike's the same evening.
Money spent: About $5,000 (USD), including $2,000 for the hotel, $1,500 for the flight (booked it cheaper, but had to move dates because of a new job), and $1,500 for expenditures for the week (this was actually lower than I thought originally).
Biggest regret: Not making the right moves at the right time at a certain time during the week. Whoops.
Going back?: Absolutely.
Top tip: Let the island's spirit be your will.
Dates you were there: August 28 to September 4 2021
Where you stayed: Wi-Ki-Woo, Sant Antoni - I purchased a front-facing sea view room for the week. I absolutely loved it here, despite its flaws - which I will go over after the positives. The staff were not only stunningly gorgeous but equally helpful and enthusiastic to make your stay as unique as possible. I may or may not have fallen head over heels for one of the staff - and she knew it. Also may or may not have gone on a cheeky date at one point. The drinks at the hotel bar were fantastic, potent and original. There was not a single dead night at the Wi Ki Woo bar while I was there, and it f***ing ruled. The pool, which I spent a day hanging around, was great too.
I will go over the cons now. The morning-after stench from the Wiggly Woo (the "secret" club which can be rented) reminded me very much of my days in college, living in a fraternity house - and not in a cute way. Beer, sweat, other bodily fluids...I could practically smell it from my door on the first floor. The noise from the club - or rather, its denizens - kept me up a night or two. But honestly, I wasn't even mad because I knew what I was signing up for - a party environment. And I loved it all the same.
Club nights visited: Only one real 'club' night. Pike's Wednesday night, for OuShe, an all-female DJ event led by Santanna Oush. I was adopted by a lovely group of British and French young people about my age, and we had an absolute blast dancing by our table. The DJs, on a rotation of sorts, had a really inconsistent vibe going, at point dipping to mid-90 BPM lounge after a half hour of great, bangin' house tracks. All was forgiven though because there was a course correction and things got back on track.
This is a general note. It really, really blew my mind how f***ing inconsistent security was, not just at Pike's but everywhere I went for nightlife, with dancing and enforcement. They would let us, they would stop us. They would let us, stop us. Ad nauseum. What is the point, if the EU is 70% vaccinated now? Another general point - masking. Nobody seemed to give a f*** about wearing one consistently, staff (whether it be at restaurants, bars, etc.) or tourists. I observed many a time a waitstaff taking off a mask to talk to a customer and then place it back on to walk back to the kitchen or bar. I did not care that they did not care - it simply did not compute to me that the Balearic government can lag so far behind in lifting restrictions. It was absurdity in the truest sense of the word.
Best night: There were so many highlights, but I think I have two - my first night, and the last night. The first night, I arrived at 19:00h, exhausted but determined to get food. I walked from the hotel to Es Pueto (recommended by, ahem, staff) which proved to be extremely taxing. But I couldn't care less that my feet now hurt. I was in Ibiza. I walked past the Sunset Strip just as our radiant star took to its evening ritual, and I stopped in my tracks, awed by the sheer enormity of the sun on the crystalline horizon and the crowds. I felt a swelling in my chest as what felt like thousands of people, myself included, applauded. I felt a momentary pang of silliness, like those people that clap when the plane lands. I quickly smothered that sentiment with the fact that, I was indeed in Ibiza. The question driving my ethos the entire week appeared for the first time since planning the trip - Why not?
I reached Es Pueto at 21:00h and had to wait an hour for a table. f*** it, I thought, I didn't walk this distance for nothing. Plus, I had passed Lineker's, Itaca, etc. on my way over and intended to hit them up on the way back. This was exactly what I did - I was seated alone in Itaca at a depressing island table where I felt all the people with table reservations could laugh at me, a la a Roman arena. Thankfully, two drinks in a group of young Irish people (four girls, one guy) asked me to take their group pic in the booth behind me. I sidled up and started conversation, asking if I could join them - to which they heartily agreed. Rounds and rounds and rounds of Jägerbombs flowed free as rain that night, mostly on me, and I walked (stumbled) out later having proudly won an admission from the Irishman that I, "an American," had outdrank him. I spryly headed home, that same dumb grin plastered on my face from earlier.
I also love the night at Paradise Lost for how ridiculous it was (detailed below).
Worst night: There are no bad nights in Ibiza. I will say, though, I headed to Formentera for my last day way too late in the day (15:00h) and did zero research on what to do there, so that was a pretty significant misstep on my part. It was a mess.
Best bar: Paradise Lost in Ibiza Town, by far. Massive props to Jim/Jimmy, the owner and utter genius mixologist. I do not say that lightly. I got there early enough in the night to where it was just him and I at one point inside, and he made me some special drinks he was still working on. He was receptive to my feedback, and made a second one with my advice in mind which I found to be both extremely considerate and humble on his part - I mean, who the hell was I, after all? He had a demeanor of gruff seriousness about him, but as I spoke with him at length about John Milton and his inspiration for the bar, I learned as any person getting the glimpse of another tends to do, that he was a kind and understanding man with a deep intelligence for handling people. And drinks. The f***ing drinks were incredible. I will miss Paradise Lost sincerely.
My time in the bar was cut short, however, by a character whom I will call "Eris" (the Greek goddess of strife and chaos), a gorgeous, blonde British woman who nearly got my shit f***ed up by a gang of locals in a botched drug deal where she got robbed. Long story short (though I relish each of the insane details that replay in my head) - she yanks me out of the bar after snagging me after I had placed an order. Grabs my hand, gives me a flash of her eyes that any man would turn their brain off for, and out we go into the night. There it is again, that question - why not? She tried buying drugs from local kids who couldn't have been older than 17-18 (against my will, I insisted seriously that she quit it - and realized at that moment I may have f***ed up) in the town center. She disappears with them, and reappears 10 minutes later saying they just took the money she offered them and ran. It becomes all she can talk about, and then yanks me again in their general direction. We end up in a dark street where she confronts the kids. A yelling match ensues between them as I try and hold her back by the waist. The guys are coming up in my face, yelling at me to get her out of there. More guys materialize from nearby doorways. Shit. Now I'm really trying to get her out of there but she is stoic. An older man whom I presume was the leader comes up and starts yelling at her. I feel her yield for a second - all I need to start dragging her by the waist to get out of there. I dump her on a street next to Paradise Lost with the leader, sprint into the bar to profusely apologize to Jim and to pay my tab, then sprint to the taxi queue by the ferry stop.
What the f*** just happened? I couldn't help but laugh my ass off in the taxi. After all, I had my money, cards, phone and keys on me. If I hadn't, I would have a much different opinion on what happened. I know Eris is still out there, just violently careening into other human beings like atoms in a Hadron collider.
Best place to eat: Best food I had was at Es Tragón, a Michelin * restaurant - though the service took an incredible four and a half hours to finish. Thankfully I met a lovely Polish family that kept me company throughout, and made for excellent conversation. Second-best foo foo place to eat was at IT Ibiza, in Marina Botafoch. Great Italian food.
Favorite unpretentious food was getting a true Spanish breakfast at Restaurante Benitez in San An. Cheap as shit, too.
Best beach and/or beach club: I had a great beach day at Cala Gracio on my first day on the island. I also went to Blue Marlin one day, but my time there was hamstrung by the fact that I had booked Pike's the same evening.
Money spent: About $5,000 (USD), including $2,000 for the hotel, $1,500 for the flight (booked it cheaper, but had to move dates because of a new job), and $1,500 for expenditures for the week (this was actually lower than I thought originally).
Biggest regret: Not making the right moves at the right time at a certain time during the week. Whoops.
Going back?: Absolutely.
Top tip: Let the island's spirit be your will.
Love to hear that you had a great time. We’ll be checking out Paradise Lost in October after reading this. We’ve been meaning to try Es Tragon but never made it. 
