Per niente
New Member
Dr no love (or how I learned to stop raving and love the beach)
Writing off Ibiza isn’t big and isn’t clever but after my latest trip there I feel compelled to unload some of the vitriol that has built up inside of me over the last two summers. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m getting old – but at 30 years old there’s life in the old dog yet and it certainly doesn’t explain the extent of my disillusionment.
Ibiza has had it’s fans, and it’s detractors for years so why is it any different now? Well if there’s one sure fire way of ruining something then throw lots of money at it, make sure the people spending it have no scruples and most importantly, no taste. And Ibiza right now has got this little recipe in spades.
(I’ve read enough tedious magazines and so on to have a vague appreciation of the islands history but I cant be bothered to do any research to check my facts)
So in 5 easy steps here’s why it sucks:
1) where is the love? The clubs are full of preening people, pulling self conscious pouting faces to average durge. Either that or it’s stag and hen does. For ****s sake.
2) You cant blame the locals but is there anything that isn’t for sale? I mean a motorway?? To go 20 km??? the only thing causing traffic jams is the roadworks to build a motorway! the island has a rich and mixed history and a strong rural tradition but you get no sense of this – there’s the now immaculate but soulless Dalt Villa, the beaches with their identikit restaurant-bars or the rural restaurants that surrendered their authenticity when they doubled the prices and started selling “fusion” food.
3) Oh and then there’s the new money. Now I’ll confess to being a snob. But only in Ibiza would you get people rich enough and stupid enough to pay through the nose for second rate service at all the overpriced boutiques/ hotels/ shops/ restaurants/ beach bars and clubs. It’s a nice safe destination for people who lack the imagination to do anything better with their money and aren’t used to getting decent service. want to feel like a big fish in small pond? They say a fool and there money are easily parted – well they obviously went to Ibiza and watched idiots parting easily with their money. “But what about the celebrities”, they cry!! Well I’ll leave the DJs out of it – it’s their (very lucrative) livelihood. But Jade Jagger and every other no mark skin bag who adorns the cover of the sycophantic island press obviously has some deeprooted insecurity issues. They just love going back each year and seeing pages and pages of the same fawning articles about what amazing (worthless) contribution to the islands “culture” they have made that year. I also don’t know how else to explain the fact that each year approximinately 186 magazines are printed by various clubs (and then there’s even an English language island mag)!! Now even idiots that go to Ibiza are not demented enough to buy that **** so they must get paid for with advertising - which surely tells you how much of a frigging cash cow the average Ibiza tourist has become. The talentless “journalists” who contribute must think all their summer seasons have come at once.
Now I’m sure not everyone who goes to Ibiza earns six figures – so why does everywhere cost at least double what is reasonable??
4) I used to love the clubs. But that was the mid nineties. So why haven’t they changed for the better and moved with the times? Why is the music getting worse each year? Why hasn’t one season of music been memorable since 2003? One or two stand out tracks is a pretty poor return. The new space terrace? ARSE. **** me – talk about killing a place. Anyone who says the Sun**** terrace is just as good, obviously never went to the old one, or is too drug ****ed to know any better, or a ****. was it really worth it? All I can see that’s happened with the new covered terrace is that everyone comes later. They might get a bit more business overall on a Sunday – but everyone who goes there nowadays is a twat anyway. It’ll be over soon – the soul has gone.
5) the restaurants are ****ing awful. If I have to read one more article about how great such and such a place is when it’s just serving overpriced, heated up cat sick……….
a. Bambuda grove describes it’s food as Mediterasian!!! It’s even copywrite protected the term. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! What a bunch of ****s.
b. 70 euros per head for 2 courses of average “Morrocan” food at El Ayoun. While some daft bint parades clothes from the shop at the front while you’re trying to eat (just in case you were a fool with some money you wanted to part with). And a fat twat at the reception desk insists on getting a table at short notice cos he’ll “guarantee 3000 euro spend”.
c. Sa Capella – lovely setting. That’s it.
d. Any restaurant in the old town – even the small family places – 10 euros for a starter!!! Look inside yourselves – look what you’ve become.
Convince yourself it’s worth it – but it isn’t. I’ve yet to have a meal I couldn’t have cooked better. you want good food – go to Italy. Or even Greece (only joking - they suck at cooking).
Is there a side to the island that isn’t vulgar, overpriced and soulless? – probably. But I don’t want to have to hunt high and low to find it. Let’s face it – it’s not even that bloody beautiful. Try Sardinia. Croatia…..Cuba……..anywhere else.
Ibiza isn’t a hedonists paradise anymore. It’s like a hot Blackpool.
And now the clubs start to lose their appeal everyone starts looking for other reasons to go – just don’t try and tell me there are any.
Writing off Ibiza isn’t big and isn’t clever but after my latest trip there I feel compelled to unload some of the vitriol that has built up inside of me over the last two summers. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m getting old – but at 30 years old there’s life in the old dog yet and it certainly doesn’t explain the extent of my disillusionment.
Ibiza has had it’s fans, and it’s detractors for years so why is it any different now? Well if there’s one sure fire way of ruining something then throw lots of money at it, make sure the people spending it have no scruples and most importantly, no taste. And Ibiza right now has got this little recipe in spades.
(I’ve read enough tedious magazines and so on to have a vague appreciation of the islands history but I cant be bothered to do any research to check my facts)
So in 5 easy steps here’s why it sucks:
1) where is the love? The clubs are full of preening people, pulling self conscious pouting faces to average durge. Either that or it’s stag and hen does. For ****s sake.
2) You cant blame the locals but is there anything that isn’t for sale? I mean a motorway?? To go 20 km??? the only thing causing traffic jams is the roadworks to build a motorway! the island has a rich and mixed history and a strong rural tradition but you get no sense of this – there’s the now immaculate but soulless Dalt Villa, the beaches with their identikit restaurant-bars or the rural restaurants that surrendered their authenticity when they doubled the prices and started selling “fusion” food.
3) Oh and then there’s the new money. Now I’ll confess to being a snob. But only in Ibiza would you get people rich enough and stupid enough to pay through the nose for second rate service at all the overpriced boutiques/ hotels/ shops/ restaurants/ beach bars and clubs. It’s a nice safe destination for people who lack the imagination to do anything better with their money and aren’t used to getting decent service. want to feel like a big fish in small pond? They say a fool and there money are easily parted – well they obviously went to Ibiza and watched idiots parting easily with their money. “But what about the celebrities”, they cry!! Well I’ll leave the DJs out of it – it’s their (very lucrative) livelihood. But Jade Jagger and every other no mark skin bag who adorns the cover of the sycophantic island press obviously has some deeprooted insecurity issues. They just love going back each year and seeing pages and pages of the same fawning articles about what amazing (worthless) contribution to the islands “culture” they have made that year. I also don’t know how else to explain the fact that each year approximinately 186 magazines are printed by various clubs (and then there’s even an English language island mag)!! Now even idiots that go to Ibiza are not demented enough to buy that **** so they must get paid for with advertising - which surely tells you how much of a frigging cash cow the average Ibiza tourist has become. The talentless “journalists” who contribute must think all their summer seasons have come at once.
Now I’m sure not everyone who goes to Ibiza earns six figures – so why does everywhere cost at least double what is reasonable??
4) I used to love the clubs. But that was the mid nineties. So why haven’t they changed for the better and moved with the times? Why is the music getting worse each year? Why hasn’t one season of music been memorable since 2003? One or two stand out tracks is a pretty poor return. The new space terrace? ARSE. **** me – talk about killing a place. Anyone who says the Sun**** terrace is just as good, obviously never went to the old one, or is too drug ****ed to know any better, or a ****. was it really worth it? All I can see that’s happened with the new covered terrace is that everyone comes later. They might get a bit more business overall on a Sunday – but everyone who goes there nowadays is a twat anyway. It’ll be over soon – the soul has gone.
5) the restaurants are ****ing awful. If I have to read one more article about how great such and such a place is when it’s just serving overpriced, heated up cat sick……….
a. Bambuda grove describes it’s food as Mediterasian!!! It’s even copywrite protected the term. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! What a bunch of ****s.
b. 70 euros per head for 2 courses of average “Morrocan” food at El Ayoun. While some daft bint parades clothes from the shop at the front while you’re trying to eat (just in case you were a fool with some money you wanted to part with). And a fat twat at the reception desk insists on getting a table at short notice cos he’ll “guarantee 3000 euro spend”.
c. Sa Capella – lovely setting. That’s it.
d. Any restaurant in the old town – even the small family places – 10 euros for a starter!!! Look inside yourselves – look what you’ve become.
Convince yourself it’s worth it – but it isn’t. I’ve yet to have a meal I couldn’t have cooked better. you want good food – go to Italy. Or even Greece (only joking - they suck at cooking).
Is there a side to the island that isn’t vulgar, overpriced and soulless? – probably. But I don’t want to have to hunt high and low to find it. Let’s face it – it’s not even that bloody beautiful. Try Sardinia. Croatia…..Cuba……..anywhere else.
Ibiza isn’t a hedonists paradise anymore. It’s like a hot Blackpool.
And now the clubs start to lose their appeal everyone starts looking for other reasons to go – just don’t try and tell me there are any.
