Wedding Conundrum

Beckiboo

Beckiboo

Active Member
Ok.... get your thinking caps on everyone :lol:

An old school friend of mine is getting married. I've known her ever since we were both 11, although after leaving school we did go our seperate ways and sort of lost touch for a while, but through the magic of Facebook have been back in contact the last few years, but only the odd email here and there... I probably actually see her in the flesh about once a year (she also has now moved to New York so probably even less now!).

Anyway, enough of the friendship history...!

She's getting married next month. And I wasn't originally invited, although my best friend was (we have all known eachother for the same amount of time). At the time I did think it was a bit rude of her to not invite me, but it wasn't really any great loss as I probably wouldnt invite her to my wedding.

I've just popped onto FB and she's suddenly decided to invite me - maybe to make up the numbers?? :? I spoke to my friend about it (who was always invited) and she said that she had mentioned my name in conversation and asked why I wasn't invited.

Now - does the bride feel bad for not inviting me and is this a guilty conscience trying to make amends?

Am I being used to make up the numbers making her seem more popular :lol:

Does she really want me at her wedding :roll: :lol:

Part of me thinks it would be a laugh spending the weekend in Dorset with my best friend, free food and booze and generally having a laugh.

But the other half of me thinks, well, if I wasn't invited in the first place I'm bloody well not going to spend £200 on a weekend in Dorset for someone who is just trying to make up the numbers.

What shall I dooooo?!
 
hmmm, If it was me I would politely decline. As you so rightly said, why spend £200 going to a wedding where you were clearly an afterthought? And whats she doing using facebook to invite people to her wedding? fecking cheapskate!!! ;)
 
Sounds like she feels bad for not inviting you and maybe she has realised that she does have the room for you guys. I would bet its she feels bad as your other friend mentioned it and now she is probably thinking you feel you have not been invited on purpose type thing.

I know what you mean though about forking out, a lady I work with invited me to hers but after I worked out what it would cost us I just couldnt be bothered, then I remembered I didnt actually like the lady anyway so was a bit of a hypocrite going anyway :lol:
 
Emma_1983 said:
I know what you mean though about forking out, a lady I work with invited me to hers but after I worked out what it would cost us I just couldnt be bothered, then I remembered I didnt actually like the lady anyway so was a bit of a hypocrite going anyway :lol:
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That's the thing... I wouldn't invite her to mine... so should I be going to hers?#

Then again like MWG says it would be rude to decline the invite :?

Maybe I could just buy them a £5 Marks and Spencers voucher for a present then cane their food and drink all evening :twisted:
 
Beckiboo said:
That's the thing... I wouldn't invite her to mine... so should I be going to hers?#

Then again like MWG says it would be rude to decline the invite :?

Maybe I could just buy them a £5 Marks and Spencers voucher for a present then cane their food and drink all evening :twisted:
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I guess if you decline then you will always be the one that "declined" so to speak......unless you just say you are busy.

I guess you either dont go out of principle or just think s*d it let bygones be bygones and go for the party aspect. You do get treated well at weddings :p
 
I wouldn't over analyse it.

If she didn't want you there, she wouldn't invite you.

If you know she will not be invited to your wedding regardless and that would make you feel awkward, politely decline.

If this wouldn't bother you, then go and treat it like a jolly.

Wedding are always a great day out. :lol:

(however, i know from personal experience that men always have a much more simplistic view of these matters)
 
Emma_1983 said:
I guess if you decline then you will always be the one that "declined" so to speak......unless you just say you are busy.

I guess you either dont go out of principle or just think s*d it let bygones be bygones and go for the party aspect. You do get treated well at weddings :p
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Hmmm and I guess I have known her for like, 15 years! I guess I should go....
 
MARKB said:
(however, i know from personal experience that men always have a much more simplistic view of these matters)
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So true. I mentioned it to Jon (he is luckily away on a stag weekend anyway so can't make it :roll:) and he was like "If you want to go, go! If you don't, don't!" :spank:
 
will it bother you if you didnt go/ie will you lose sleep over it?

could you think of better things to spend £200 on?

Hmmmmmm?

i am in a similar predicament - I offered a mate help with his wedding (cos he'sa bloke and he's shiiiiiite) so I gave him a load of my contacts for marquees, bands, dj's, bars, wine wholesalers etc etc and said to use my name and the company I work for as a ref type thing..... on Friday he pinged me on msn and asked for my home address and on Sat we got an invite to the evening do.

I dont really want to go, its when my parents are here visiting and I kind of think he only invited me as I have gotten him shed loads of discount - but that wasnt the reason why I did that - I just like helping arrange stuff...

So, will I offend him by saying thanks but sorry we cant make it - or will he not be that arsed if I turn up or not.... :lol::lol::lol:
 
puppylover said:
will it bother you if you didnt go/ie will you lose sleep over it?

could you think of better things to spend £200 on?

Hmmmmmm?

i am in a similar predicament - I offered a mate help with his wedding (cos he'sa bloke and he's shiiiiiite) so I gave him a load of my contacts for marquees, bands, dj's, bars, wine wholesalers etc etc and said to use my name and the company I work for as a ref type thing..... on Friday he pinged me on msn and asked for my home address and on Sat we got an invite to the evening do.

I dont really want to go, its when my parents are here visiting and I kind of think he only invited me as I have gotten him shed loads of discount - but that wasnt the reason why I did that - I just like helping arrange stuff...

So, will I offend him by saying thanks but sorry we cant make it - or will he not be that arsed if I turn up or not.... :lol::lol::lol:
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I would just say you cannot make it, its not like he will know either way!
 
Becki - wouldn't read too much into it. Often people can't invite those they want to given family number pressures etc, but as the responses come in they can get to those they would rather have there! If you fancy it, will have fun then I would go and not panic about whether you invite her back or not!! Doesn't sound like your in to make up the numbers. She is probably feeling a wee bit embarassed about the late invite ;)

Pups - ditch it :lol: In the 'with regret' card I would put a short sentence explaining that your parents are visiting, but hope he has a fantastic time. Definitely sounds like an evening invite to say thanks for the contacts, so neither you or him will be bothered if you go or not :lol:
 
Angie24 said:
Becki - wouldn't read too much into it. Often people can't invite those they want to given family number pressures etc, but as the responses come in they can get to those they would rather have there! If you fancy it, will have fun then I would go and not panic about whether you invite her back or not!! Doesn't sound like your in to make up the numbers. She is probably feeling a wee bit embarassed about the late invite ;)
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I agree... and I think you should go. Why not? Could be fun!
 
I wouldn't get all huffy about the 'Was I an after thought" thing. Who cares if you are?

And who cares if you will invite her to your wedding? That's not what weddings are about.

i was invited to a wedding once where the bride TOLD me that someone else had dropped out and did I want to go. I was happy to go! It was fun! And it was a small wedding anyway, so it's not like lots of friends were invited anwyay.

I really don't see the big deal in being an after thought..... I would take it as a compliment, not an insult.
 
my ex Nicola went to her father and stepmother's wedding with a peacock feather in her hat, to curse it!

now, it is a tricky one when you don't feel properly invited - I would personally boycott it. You're likely to feel uncomfortable, you're spending a lot of money on something you're ambivalent about, you could be having more fun elsewhere and longer-term, you might get taken for granted on other occasions as a soft touch.

Just accept the invite and then cancel the night before, saying someone's died (obv someone they couldn't possibly know), and that way, you don't cause offence, don't waste money/time, act all rueful on the phone and by doing this you keep lines open for another meetup in the future. Then you'll find out how genuine they are too..
 
Olly said:
my ex Nicola went to her father and stepmother's wedding with a peacock feather in her hat, to curse it!

now, it is a tricky one when you don't feel properly invited - I would personally boycott it. You're likely to feel uncomfortable, you're spending a lot of money on something you're ambivalent about, you could be having more fun elsewhere and longer-term, you might get taken for granted on other occasions as a soft touch.

Just accept the invite and then cancel the night before, saying someone's died (obv someone they couldn't possibly know), and that way, you don't cause offence, don't waste money/time, act all rueful on the phone and by doing this you keep lines open for another meetup in the future. Then you'll find out how genuine they are too..
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this is ridiculous... all this game playing and lying is for teenagers!

It's someone's wedding... are people's egos that easily bruised just because they are not # 1 on the invite list???

What a sensitive bunch of pansies we have here!
 
Agree with Jonathan - if you think it'll be fun, go. Weddings rule. And Dorset is lovely, you could make a weekend of it (and spend £400). :lol:
 
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