USA police, Uk police, Oz police.

weloveliam@space

Active Member
QUESTION: How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer

ANSWER: Pose the following question: "You are walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams like a banshee, raises the knife and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock .40 pistol and are an expert shot. You have a second before he reaches you and your family. WHAT DO YOU DO????

UK POLICE OFFICERS ANSWER:
"Well, that's not enough information to answer the question"
"Does the man look poor, oppressed or harassed"?
"Have I ever done anything that would cause him to attack"?
"Could we all run away"?
"What does my wife think"?
"What about the kids"? I must complete a PAC about this if we survive
"Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the 12inch knife out of his hand"?
"What does the law say about this situation"? Is there an NCALT package that I have missed
"Does the Glock have appropriate safety features built in"?
"Why on earth am I carrying a loaded gun anyway and what kind of message does this send to society….also known as "customers"
"Am I sure he wants to kill me, or would he be content to just wound me a little"?
"If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me"
"Should I dial 999"?
"Surely with this limited information, Metcall will grade the CAD as an "S" response for the panda"
"If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed when he falls over running away and hurts his knee"?
"If I shoot him, and loose the court case does he have the right to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and my home? "

AUSTRALIAN OFFICERS ANSWER: "BANG"

AMERICAN OFFICER'S ANSWER: "BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click…….(sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.

AMERICAN OFFICER'S 12 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER: " Nice grouping pa, were those Winchester Silver Tips?"
 
AMERICAN OFFICER'S ANSWER: "BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click…….(sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.


Whoever came up with this joke was a little picky about the specifics, but he probably forgot some minor details. The off-duty cop might have served time with the IDF (Israeli Defense Forces). The off-duty cop was carrying a Glock 23 (mid-size Glock in .40 caliber). Glock 23 holds 13 rounds so he loaded his firearm and fired 13 rounds. The IDF guys and girls (who are the hottest girls of any armed services in the world, I might interject) do not carry a loaded firearm. Our party friend Fusion will attest to this fact. Glock 23 can utilize a 17 round Glock 22 magazine (same caliber). So the 18 shots does not make sense because he went empty with his first mag.

OK, I will now retreat to my corner otherwise Grego’s blood pressure is going to go through the roof.:lol:
 
Whoever came up with this joke was a little picky about the specifics, but he probably forgot some minor details. The off-duty cop might have served time with the IDF (Israeli Defense Forces). The off-duty cop was carrying a Glock 23 (mid-size Glock in .40 caliber). Glock 23 holds 13 rounds so he loaded his firearm and fired 13 rounds. The IDF guys and girls (who are the hottest girls of any armed services in the world, I might interject) do not carry a loaded firearm. Our party friend Fusion will attest to this fact. Glock 23 can utilize a 17 round Glock 22 magazine (same caliber). So the 18 shots does not make sense because he went empty with his first mag.

OK, I will now retreat to my corner otherwise Grego’s blood pressure is going to go through the roof.:lol:

You are the most boring person alive.
 
UK POLICE OFFICERS ANSWER:
"Well, that's not enough information to answer the question"
"Does the man look poor, oppressed or harassed"?
"Have I ever done anything that would cause him to attack"?
"Could we all run away"?
"What does my wife think"?
"What about the kids"? I must complete a PAC about this if we survive
"Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the 12inch knife out of his hand"?
"What does the law say about this situation"? Is there an NCALT package that I have missed
"Does the Glock have appropriate safety features built in"?
"Why on earth am I carrying a loaded gun anyway and what kind of message does this send to society….also known as "customers"
"Am I sure he wants to kill me, or would he be content to just wound me a little"?
"If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me"
"Should I dial 999"?
"Surely with this limited information, Metcall will grade the CAD as an "S" response for the panda"
"If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed when he falls over running away and hurts his knee"?
"If I shoot him, and loose the court case does he have the right to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and my home? "

now, is this done by filling in a home office risk assessment form or on the new pda's theyve now got?
 
the thing to remember about the UK police is that they will do you for anything and the more trivial it is, the easier it is for them. Given the target culture they are working in, it makes more sense and is far less stress to do motorists and spliff smokers than actual criminals. Which makes a mockery of justice really, but then who gives a flying fuk about that?
 
to return this to a lighter theme though, what was your fave cop show as a kid?

chips, tj hooker, dempsey & makepiece = ACE
 
to return this to a lighter theme though, what was your fave cop show as a kid?

chips, tj hooker, dempsey & makepiece = ACE
Chips was great in its day.

Sledgehammer was a hoot but, sadly, it didn't last very long.
 
Back
Top