Life coach???

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Emma_22

New Member
I know someone on here once said its a bit sad to write about your life story as people dont really want to know/think its ridiculous. But as none of you really know me know me I thought what the hell and I having such a s**t day I need to get it off my chest. And its only 9:25.

Without making a long story even longer, I am in a dilemma.

My BF lives 50 miles away so we only see each other weekends, Sat and Sun are our days if you like. One weekend he come down to where I live and met a few of my mates one being one of my guy mates I have known for years, where we were in a noisy bar they didnt properly get introduced and it ended up with my guy mate only talking to me - not saying hello to the BF so this immediately put his back up - said he was a mug for not saying hello to him when he was literally with us for 5 mins and went off anyway. But once he dont like someone thats it.

My guy mate happens to be going out with one of my best girly mates so its not like I never see them and they are good friends of mine especially her. Its the said guy mates bday this weekend (pub golf) so I said to my BF that I would like to go if thats ok and I make it up to him by seeing him Fri or Sun instead like a compromise.

He gone absolutely mental on me saying I have chosen a mug over him, obviously dont care about us, how could I do that after the way guy mate treated him on the night out in Southend. I said to him I wouldnt go if it was this much of a prob and his attitude is like "well your going now because you have caused an argument".

A load of other "home truths" came out so to speak - wont bore you with those. But at the moment I really dont know what to do, it all seems very childish to me bearing in mind I am 23 and he is 28. And this is all through "text".

My best mate says if it was her she wouldnt go to the bday as she likes an "easy life". My other mate whose boyfriend it is bday says I should go and put my foot down dont be dictated to.

To be honest I dont HAVE to go and I dont NEED to to. But I would like to as I said its one of my mates bdays, it will be a laugh, all the girlies are making a night of it. So I didnt see the problem but apparantly its like the worst thing ever I could have said.

Now I feel like if I go I "dont care about us" and then if I dont go its like he has won, and I have already been in one controlling relationship - I dont want another.

MEN!!!!!! :spank: :spank: :spank:
 
I would just go if you really want to go. How long have you two been going out together? Would it really upset him? Is he jealous?

Only go if it doesn't cause too much trouble and heartache.

I hope things work out for you :) and yes MEN, pah :rolleyes: :lol:
 
emma,

first thing is that arguing through text messages is about as bad as it gets, on the phone is bad enough cos you can't read body language or look into people's eyes when you are talking to them, but texties........no.

i think you should go to the party, you have done nothing wrong, from what you have said he has misread the situation and if he is too stubborn to make an effort with one of your friends then that is his problem. the way you describe him makes him sound very unreasonable and to tackle your last point, it sounds like control over you is what he wants.

i think you need to stand your ground but also give him some slack in terms of explaining to him about the misunderstanding, if he is a decent guy then he'll surely be able to put it behind him, if he can't well then..........:confused: :rolleyes:

putting it simply, you going to this party will not make or break your relationship, if in fact it does, then the relationship probably wasn't worth it anyway as you are gonna face far more challenging situations as a couple than whether you attend the birthday of a good friend or not.

be honest, stand up to him and do what you want - he will respect you more if you do this.
 
Get out now... you need a guy who can associate with your friends, including male friends, and not have it be an issue.

Unless you're head over heels for the guy, in which case you should go to the party and tell him to grow up and deal with it. You've got to set your boundaries in this relationship, and he's got to trust you.
 
Definitely go to the birthday party. Your offer of a compromise of seeing him Friday or Sunday instead is perfectly reasonable.

I assume that him going to the party with you isn't an option??
 
Sirens said:
I would just go if you really want to go. How long have you two been going out together? Would it really upset him? Is he jealous?

Only go if it doesn't cause too much trouble and heartache.

I hope things work out for you :) and yes MEN, pah :rolleyes: :lol:
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We have been together about 6/7 months and as I said its long distance but we probably see each other about 3 times a week? One being most of the weekend and one night in the week.

I cant see why it would upset him to be honest as he is so straight faced - sometimes wondering if he cares is like getting blood out of a stone - so I seriously didnt think this would "offend" him so much to be honest.

He just makes me feel guilty when he says "your not bothered about us" and " your choosing a mug over me" and "enjoy your weekend while I have a weekend alone"

I am a bit of a sucker as in I am too nice sometimes, my friend said he knows that so can take advantage - I just want an easy life but I guess that never happens :rolleyes:
 
Holly G said:
Definitely go to the birthday party. Your offer of a compromise of seeing him Friday or Sunday instead is perfectly reasonable.

I assume that him going to the party with you isn't an option??[/quote]

He could come yes but he doesnt drive so cant get down here unless he gets the train and he wouldnt want to because of whose party it is.
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what Grego said definitely! If it's going to cause that much of an issue you seeing your friends then it does sound a little controlling:!:
 
grego said:
emma,

first thing is that arguing through text messages is about as bad as it gets, on the phone is bad enough cos you can't read body language or look into people's eyes when you are talking to them, but texties........no.

i think you should go to the party, you have done nothing wrong, from what you have said he has misread the situation and if he is too stubborn to make an effort with one of your friends then that is his problem. the way you describe him makes him sound very unreasonable and to tackle your last point, it sounds like control over you is what he wants.

i think you need to stand your ground but also give him some slack in terms of explaining to him about the misunderstanding, if he is a decent guy then he'll surely be able to put it behind him, if he can't well then..........:confused: :rolleyes:

putting it simply, you going to this party will not make or break your relationship, if in fact it does, then the relationship probably wasn't worth it anyway as you are gonna face far more challenging situations as a couple than whether you attend the birthday of a good friend or not.

be honest, stand up to him and do what you want - he will respect you more if you do this.
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Thanks for your words, they really helped. In fact everybody has.

I just needed to know if I was in the wrong - as I dont think I am - but the way he has kicked off is just like Woah maybe I am in the wrong.

I dont think its fair to be put in the position of "if you go to the party thats it" he hasnt said that in so many words but if I go then this weekend he probably wont talk to me.

The problem with doing it on the phone and text is where we dont live near to each other we cant sort it out easily. I have offered to talk about it and he doesnt want to know so I cant do anymore in my eyes.
 
jez71 said:
what Grego said definitely! If it's going to cause that much of an issue you seeing your friends then it does sound a little controlling:!:
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I feel its because of WHO it is not the fact that I am going out.

I got told how can I say I have no money when I am always out - not true. Also that I never pay for anything when we are together. Him forgetting I drive 50 miles every week to see him.

So having it thrown in my face to say I dont care really hurt. When in my eyes I quite clearly do.
 
Emma_22 said:
He just makes me feel guilty when he says "your not bothered about us" and " your choosing a mug over me" and "enjoy your weekend while I have a weekend alone"

I am a bit of a sucker as in I am too nice sometimes, my friend said he knows that so can take advantage - I just want an easy life but I guess that never happens :rolleyes:
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Don't give in to this nonsense Emma. :rolleyes: Can he not entertain himself for one night??

It's not like your guy mate has done anything dreadful to him - I think he should get over it and go to the party with you if spending that particular evening with you is that important to him.

Talk to him - maybe there's an underlying issue he's upset about?
 
It all seems a bit silly to me - he needs to understand that you have your own mates and a life outside of him.

He can't expect you not see them.
 
Holly G said:
Don't give in to this nonsense Emma. :rolleyes: Can he not entertain himself for one night??

It's not like your guy mate has done anything dreadful to him - I think he should get over it and go to the party with you if spending that particular evening with you is that important to him.

Talk to him - maybe there's an underlying issue he's upset about?
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Thanks :)

I know its sad to talk about it on here but outsiders so to speak opinions help me.

He didnt do anything dreadful no, he just didnt say hello and the thing that is so ridiculous is that the guy mate is actually a really nice guy and I know they would get on great.

He also implied that I fancied him or some other nonsense - which really got my back up saying that as he has been with one of my best mates for 2 years :rolleyes:

Its all so silly in my eyes.
 
Just come online Emma but completely agree with what everyone says - don't compromise your behaviour when it sounds like your bloke is the one with the problem - I can't believe he is 28 he sounds more like 18 :rolleyes:

Put a nice frock on (in fact I feel a girlie thread coming on - what should Emma wear to the party :lol: ;) ), have a few spritzers and enjoy yourself......and if you see blokey the day after don't let him give you a hard time cos you've not done anything wrong ;)
 
Barbie said:
Just come online Emma but completely agree with what everyone says - don't compromise your behaviour when it sounds like your bloke is the one with the problem - I can't believe he is 28 he sounds more like 18 :rolleyes:

Put a nice frock on (in fact I feel a girlie thread coming on - what should Emma wear to the party :lol: ;) ), have a few spritzers and enjoy yourself......and if you see blokey the day after don't let him give you a hard time cos you've not done anything wrong ;)
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Thank you and thanks everyone :lol:

I just got told "sats dont count for nothing anymore"

I really dont need this grief, I just dont see how something SO silly is worth an argument. Goes beyond belief in my eyes!
 
Barbie said:
Just come online Emma but completely agree with what everyone says - don't compromise your behaviour when it sounds like your bloke is the one with the problem - I can't believe he is 28 he sounds more like 18 :rolleyes:

Put a nice frock on (in fact I feel a girlie thread coming on - what should Emma wear to the party :lol: ;) ), have a few spritzers and enjoy yourself......and if you see blokey the day after don't let him give you a hard time cos you've not done anything wrong ;)
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Any tips for where I can get golf stuff, the party is Pub Golf. I am thinking of going Primark at lunch apparantly I can get some tank tops and socks in there :lol:
 
Emma_22 said:
Any tips for where I can get golf stuff, the party is Pub Golf. I am thinking of going Primark at lunch apparantly I can get some tank tops and socks in there :lol:
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:lol: Why do you want to dress like a golfer :lol:

If you mean pastel colours/tank tops/short pleated skirts maybe H&M??
 
The big P all the way and all that!! Bound to have plenty of stuff in there :D

Defo get yourself to that party Em - i'm sure he'll soon realise what a fool he's being!! :twisted:
 
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