Ibiza 2022 - Which Tribe Are You?

CasaNegron said:
You a hokie? I knew a girl that was a tech (grad?) back in the early 00s when I was a bouncer in DC that danced and bartended at Pacha. As far as I know she still might be on island as she was quite the hustler.

Anyway, was/ is there an electronic music scene in Blacksburg?

Go hoo's, BTW. :cool:
Click to expand...

Lol -- yeah, I'm a Hokie. I moved here for college and never left.

But no, there's basically no electronic music scene here at all. In fact, the town made news in 2016 with this:
Diplo Angers Entire Community After Playing A Show Where No One Even Knew Who He Was 😂

For anything decent, I need to make a 3 hour drive to Charlotte or a 4 hour drive to Washington, DC. But more often I will hibernate, put money aside, and do things right with a week in Ibiza or Amsterdam (like for ADE).
 
Tourist said:
Following these strange last 2 years, I thought it might be an idea to establish where things are now and specifically the myriad of cultural tribes who now inhabit the island in peak season. Here are a few stereotypical groups you might fall into. Some will overlap. If there are unrepresented groups, feel free to add or correct inaccuracies. Listed in no great order of importance or popularity. The seriousness with which you take this post is entirely up to you...

1. Weekend Hippies

You’re getting on. You used to hang out at full moon parties in a former life. You could come from anywhere on earth and are very internationalist. You don't get out much now but still find the time for WooMoon or Namaste. You have noted with irritation how your ranks have been swelled by an influx of lifestyle gurus, plastic bohemians and Sunday Times readers. You would love to try Burning Man but ‘maybe next year’. You admire the concept of (2) but wouldn’t want to be them. You consider yourself an authentic (3). You quietly lament that Ibiza isn’t what it used to be.

2. The Last True Hippies

You’re getting on. You hide out 'off-grid' or self-sufficient in the hills and rarely party anymore. You occasionally appear on social/anthropological documentaries produced by TVE, like Attenborough in search of the last Yeti. You might still have a market stall but mourn the infiltration of (1). You’re deeply suspicious of the deep state, dentists and anyone in multicoloured 'Flower Power' Citroens. You are occasionally seen at Benirras but never on Sundays. You still prefer to swim nude but the influx of (8) have made it more uncomfortable. You quietly lament that Ibiza isn’t what it used to be.

3. Professional foodies

You read lifestyle magazines and come on Spotlight only to read the restaurant reviews. You despair at the decline of indigenous cuisine and the rise of imported chefs. You will only eat somewhere locals only, provided it isn’t called Locals Only. You resent members of (1) and (9) driving up prices.

4. Melodic Militia

You’re probably either side of 40 and cut your clubbing teeth in the late 90s/early 00s, inspired by Sasha, Digweed and Sven Vath. You feel most at home in large clubs with epic sets. You are a Space orphan or trance refugee. You find kindred spirits in the Spotlight community. Solomun is your current hero. The music you listen to is nu-progressive in all but name. Your heroes appear on stages and billboards, any time, any place on Earth. Resentful of the snobbery of (6) you are no stranger to snobbery yourself, horrified by the rise of (5).

5. Urban Kids

You are conspicuous by your absence on the Ibiza Spotlight forum. You are into chart hiphop/rnb (if a native English speaker) or reggaeton (if a native Spanish speaker). You don’t do a lot of drink/drugs but you DO do a lot of Snapchat/TikTok. Your music is all over mainstream radio. Nobody else understands you nor wishes to.

6. Balearic Sungods – the True Keepers of the Faith

You’re somewhere between 45-80 and an unreconstructed music nut. You grew up in underground clubs & found God in a basement at some point in the 70s/80s/90s and never quite let go. You are an expert on what defines 'balearic', usually despite not speaking a word of Spanish or Catalan. You’re too old to party now anywhere beyond Pikes and religiously cling on to the last of the sunrays. You loudly complain about how things are not as good as they used to be.

7. Techno Titans

You loudly complain about how Carola isn’t as good as he used to be.

8. Insta Heroes

You don’t really care where the party is so long as your pals at home know you were there the next day.

9. Jetsetters

You’re a rich politician, semi-retired footballer or Russian oligarch. Occasionally seen at Pacha. Usually papped on a yacht. Hated and envied by everyone except (5) who naively aspire to be you.

10. Wristband Warriors

The professional party people seek to maximize their 2 week summer holiday by cramming in as many parties in as possible. Some overlap with (4) and (8). You convene on hyper (dis)organized whatsapp groups and nominate some lackey to drive you around. Your holy grail is the 'afterparty'. Your entire year is geared around this fortnight. The rest of the year is spent hibernating in suburbia in your home country, secretly killing time until the next holiday.

11. Hooligan Roiders 2.0

Your group formed in San Antonio at some point in the early 18-30s and filled the tabloids with infamous ‘balconing’ puking contests. You have since evolved into a muscle obsessed sub-culture. Your younger siblings now attend ‘tech-bro’ parties, where mildly enthused shuffling is as close to dancing as it gets.

12. 90s veterans

You're an ageing raver with a family who still sheds a nostalgic tear on YouTube channels about that time you met their mother saucer eyed in some abbatoir outside Blackburn. You ritually assemble in Ibiza each summer for Clockwork Orange. You find (6) a bit up themselves although you still have time for Farley. Ibiza isn’t as good as it used to be, although you all agree Blocko played a blinder last summer.
Click to expand...

You missed this group, often seen early in the morning on their way out on bike rides when you are returning from an after-party:

13. The post-partying MAMIL/MAWIL

You did your partying in the 90s/00s. But you're now middle-aged, your time in Ibiza (and St. Anton and Bali and Costa Rica and .... ) is supposed to be a fading memory. You are supposed to be grown-up and moved on to holidaying in Provence or Tuscany with other middle aged couples. Your holidays should be spent visiting vinyards and going on easy bike rides between picturesque villages. But you can't let go of Ibiza and your youth, despite both of them slipping away. So you keep returning to Ibiza. But in your mid-life crisis, in a desperate attempt to stay young and relevant, the attire during the day is a cycling bib, the drinks are low-carb, the mornings are spent cycling all over the island, the afternoons either swimming or going to the gym. You dislike the clubs opening far too late at night, and that any clubbing will ruin tomorrow's bike ride or session at the gym. And most of all you hate the kids returning to your hotel, after a night out partying, when you leave for the morning bike ride.
 
Snowy said:
You missed this group, often seen early in the morning on their way out on bike rides when you are returning from an after-party:

13. The post-partying MAMIL/MAWIL

You did your partying in the 90s/00s. But you're now middle-aged, your time in Ibiza (and St. Anton and Bali and Costa Rica and .... ) is supposed to be a fading memory. You are supposed to be grown-up and moved on to holidaying in Provence or Tuscany with other middle aged couples. Your holidays should be spent visiting vinyards and going on easy bike rides between picturesque villages. But you can't let go of Ibiza and your youth, despite both of them slipping away. So you keep returning to Ibiza. But in your mid-life crisis, in a desperate attempt to stay young and relevant, the attire during the day is a cycling bib, the drinks are low-carb, the mornings are spent cycling all over the island, the afternoons either swimming or going to the gym. You dislike the clubs opening far too late at night, and that any clubbing will ruin tomorrow's bike ride or session at the gym. And most of all you hate the kids returning to your hotel, after a night out partying, when you leave for the morning bike ride.
Click to expand...

haha yes exactly Snowy. Let's keep building this list. A few more 'types' here:

14. The Salines Evangelists

You structure your trip specifically around one beach. Along with (6) and (8) you adore the vibe at Sa Trinxa, and its pot pourri of characters, nationalities and body shapes strewn across the same patch of sand, where you always take care not to step on someone’s impressively manicured or pedicured sunbaked corpse. You even consider yourself one of the poseurs yourself, complete with cryptic tats and mandatory Raybans for the occasion. You don’t mind the army of persistent freelancers peddling imported towels or 'most excellent Dutch homegrown'. You have close to a celestial, orgasmic encounter with nature in the water when the sun goes down and you lead the vociferous applause. You adore dancing in that porch with cheesy Italians and camp Belgians, giving it their all because it feels uniquely egalitarian, a throwback to another era. You don't especially care about Jon Sa Trinxa's music. You just love the fact he exists at all. You don’t mind the mosquitoes in the carpark or Guardia checkpoints on the main road because it is all part of the unique experience. You adore Salines beach because it is genuinely unlike any other you've ever been to.

15. The longhaul raver

You will travel from the other side of the planet to spend X thousand dollars in Ibiza, spending months planning every detail. You come from some deadbeat cultural backwater which barely figures in your imagination and have what can be described as an epiphany when you land at Ibiza airport. You have read and heard all about Ibiza and are desperate for a slice of the cake yourself. It is mythologised in your mind although you are not especially interested in local history or musical heritage. You are immune to snobbery and social hierarchies and approach everything with an open mind. You will be ripped off by some Scouser or (16) in Figueretas and cherish the moment as something uniquely European. You do however take the business of clubbing incredibly seriously and are vexed by ever changing opening hours and closing times. With a tight schedule you are likely to team up with (10). Although you are no (9) money is no real object and the DJ plays second fiddle to the fact you were there. You are also highly sexually charged and consider Ibiza the ultimate pulling opportunity. You tend to write the most extensive holiday reviews on Spotlight because you savour every single moment as though it were the last supper.

16. The Lost Souls

You arrived in Ibiza by chance in the mid-90s and never left. You're not a (1) so much as an opportunist, survivor and lone wolf. You somehow cobble together a living. A bit of dealing, ducking & diving. You’re always there although nobody knows who you are. You took industrial quantities of drugs in your 20s and now are totally fried and frazzled. You hang around bars on Vara del Rey or in SE talking to random tourists like old friends (until they can't get rid of you). You’re possibly Spanish or from Croydon or the Netherlands with a rat tail and bad skin. Nobody knows where you live or what your real name is. And neither do you.

17. The Professional Expats

You originally visited the island as a (12) and fell in love and decided to move there for good. You might be a formerly famous DJ or his wife, a drug dealer, property agent, designer or aspiring/failed entrepreneur in some other field. You have a close-knit circle of ageing expat friends who somehow manage to always find babysitters and party hard all year around. You’re older and occasionally seen at Pikes in the summer. You’re probably English by birth and only speak Spanish when you absolutely have to. You spend every day on the internet complaining about The Spanish, Brexit, bureaucracy, vaccine passports and the Guardia. And yet despite everything you're still there.

TBC
 
Last edited:
18. The Overseas Expert

You are to be found on specialist Ibiza forums offering passionately held opinions on local clubbing, noise levels, healthcare, road infrastructure, social/urban planning policy, politics, tourism regulation, and much else despite having never lived on the island (and in some instances, having never even visited..).

19. The Northern Resistance

You consider yourself the last stand against the corruptive influence of the South. You view everyone south of Sant Joan with deep suspicion and lament the infiltration of The North by big money, poor food and bad taste. You have been visiting Ibiza for decades and are a local institution. You are the Northern authority on food and wine and clandestine chiringuitos. You have very occasionally been spotted in the South but it is akin to seeing a rare bird.

TBC
 
Tourist said:
18. The Overseas Expert

You are to be found on specialist Ibiza forums offering passionately held opinions on local clubbing, noise levels, healthcare, road infrastructure, social/urban planning policy, politics, tourism regulation, and much else despite having never lived on the island (and in some instances, having never even visited..).

19. The Northern Resistance

You consider yourself the last stand against the corruptive influence of the South. You view everyone south of Sant Joan with deep suspicion and lament the infiltration of The North by big money, poor food and bad taste. You have been visiting Ibiza for decades and are a local institution. You are the Northern authority on food and wine and clandestine chiringuitos. You have very occasionally been spotted in the South but it is akin to seeing a rare bird.

TBC
Click to expand...
I feel like #19 is very much aimed at a specific individual….
 
20. Roselló’s Renegades

Space was the place. As you insist on reminding everyone, except (21) who need no reminding. The world ended when Space ended. Your motto is "Space Race to Heaven, Hi-Way to Hell". You are a vampire of the night and hate daytime parties. You are a lingering thorn in the side of nu-Ibiza.

21. The Carl Cox Crew

You venerate Carl Cox like he was your grandfather, despite having never met him nor being able to name a single Carl Cox track. The memory of the big man, grinning and pressing sync repeatedly on a stage robust enough to support his not inconsiderable frame reduces you to a weeping wreck. You find yourself nodding in sympathetic agreement whenever (20) causes a rumpus in the press.

22. The Lonely Underground Fan

You spend months championing the club Underground to widespread approval, supportive ‘likes’ and a concerted collective determination to 'make amends’ this summer. When the night comes you are the only one to turn up.

23. The Local Clubbing Guru

You not only get to live on the island and not only get to experience every single party but get paid to do it too. There is no DJ, event, scandal or secret to which you are not privy. Unlike (18) you actually have some idea of what you’re talking about.

24. West End Refuseniks

You spent your wild youth rubbing shoulders with (11) in the San Antonio’s most notorious nightspots and are horrified at the idea of them diversifying their product with contemporary art installations and pulled pork food trucks. It wouldn’t be the same you wail as you fondly remember that rep in the kilt from the Highlands you pulled that time at the Highlander.

25. non-clubbing types

Viewed as mildly eccentric by clubbing types, you go to Ibiza not to go clubbing but to actually do shit – like paddle boarding, history, caves and having breakfast and stuff. You're the guy in the water at Cala Gracio who looks fresh-faced and healthy whilst other people are having a whitey a few yards away.

26. The Budget Traveller

To set yourself the ultimate challenge, you attempt to do Ibiza on the cheap, smuggling in tea and tinned potatoes, sleeping on beaches, balcony hammocks or discarded VW vans whilst saving on Ryanair 'extras' by washing your one pair of pants in the sea. You are sometimes mistaken for (16). You are not heard of again.

TBC
 
Last edited:
Tourist said:
20. Roselló’s Renegades

Space was the place. As you insist on reminding everyone, except (21) who need no reminding. The world ended when Space ended. Your motto is "Space Race to Heaven, Hi-Way to Hell". You are a vampire of the night and hate daytime parties. You are a lingering thorn in the side of nu-Ibiza.

21. The Carl Cox Crew

You venerate Carl Cox like he was your grandfather, despite having never met him nor being able to name a single Carl Cox track. The memory of the big man, grinning and pressing sync repeatedly on a stage robust enough to support his not inconsiderable frame reduces you to a weeping wreck. You find yourself nodding in sympathetic agreement whenever (20) causes a rumpus in the press.

22. The Lonely Underground Fan

You spend months championing the club Underground to widespread approval, supportive ‘likes’ and a concerted collective determination to 'make amends’ this summer. When the night comes you are the only one to turn up.

23. The Local Clubbing Guru

You not only get to live on the island and not only get to experience every single party but get paid to do it too. There is no DJ, event, scandal or secret to which you are not privy. Unlike (18) you actually have some idea of what you’re talking about.

24. West End Refuseniks

You spent your wild youth rubbing shoulders with (11) in the San Antonio’s most notorious nightspots and are horrified at the idea of them diversifying their product with contemporary art installations and pulled pork food trucks. It wouldn’t be the same you wail as you fondly remember that rep in the kilt from the Highlands you pulled that time at the Highlander.

25. non-clubbing types

Viewed as mildly eccentric by clubbing types, you go to Ibiza not to go clubbing but to actually do shit – like paddle boarding, history, caves and having breakfast and stuff. You're the guy in the water at Cala Gracio who looks fresh-faced and healthy whilst other people are having a whitey a few yards away.

26. The Budget Traveller

To set yourself the ultimate challenge, you attempt to do Ibiza on the cheap, smuggling in tea and tinned potatoes, sleeping on beaches, balcony hammocks or discarded VW vans whilst saving on Ryanair 'extras' by washing your one pair of pants in the sea. You are sometimes mistaken for (16). You are not heard of again.

TBC
Click to expand...
Quiet day at work today, eh?
 
And finally... (before I too get fired)

27. The DC Number 10 Party Animal

You hang out at notorious dens of sin and decadence where all the fun is in the garden. If it's the only party on the island you're there. Rules?! What rules?! The plebs gathered outside are just jealous!


20220125_011629.jpg
 
Last edited:
12. Guilty as charged. When East Lancashire was, for a shot time, the centre of the universe. Then was the first of my mates to venture to Ibiza in '97.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top