"...
Welcome to the Firm, Uncle Gary
With relations like these...
Uncle Gary could assure Kate Middleton's future in the Royal household
Until Sunday, I was unaware that Kate Middleton had an uncle,
let alone an Uncle Gary who lives in a house in Ibiza called Maison de Bang Bang,
has his initials - GG - tattooed on his shoulder and the words 'Nouveau Riche'
tattooed between his shoulder blades, and, it is alleged, is happy to offer
undercover News of the World reporters Brazilian prostitutes
and cocaine 'delivered to your door'.
Some may regard the appearance of her Uncle Gary as a setback
for Kate Middleton's prospects of marrying into the Royal Family.
Far from it.
A black sheep relation is obligatory for those so wishing to enter the Royal Family.
The Duchess of York had a buffoonish father, the late lamented Major Ron,
who turned out to be a regular at a massage parlour in Wigmore Street.
Princess Michael of Kent's father, Baron von Reibnitz, was an SS officer in World War II.
And the sainted Princess Diana had the full farmyard of black sheep,
not least her step-grandmother, Barbara Cartland, her last lover Dodi Fayed,
and his father Mohamed Fayed.
And so on.
Uncle Gary Goldsmith is a welcome addition to this Alternative Royal Family.
Kate's future is assured.
..."
(dailymail.co.uk)