Trouble is things at home changed by the time all the lockdown nonsense finished and I am effectively left with no-one to care for the property or help my ageing mum day-to-day (who is here now permanently) if I leave. She won't have anyone new coming and going yet (let alone staying overnight) and her mobility has deteriorated to the point I am terrified to leave her alone in a place this size. Not to mention the dog who's now 11 and she won't let anyone else walk him etc etc which he needs every day not every few days. So practically and emotionally over a barrel if there are not to be endless rows. I haven't spent a single night away since 2019.
Feels like there are mountains to climb before I can get any sort of a life outside of all this back and I'm still not hard enough to just walk out to get a change of scene for a few days to see what happens. It's crazy how a whistle blows and you can find yourself trapped in a situation you're completely ill-equipped to handle or manage out for years ! Anyhow, I need to get my sibling to step up and commit to coming here for a proper period of time in the Summer so maybe I can have a break away at some stage and crack open this deadlock. She's been down for short spells, dodging and weaving actually taking over running things so she can get a holiday, not really contributing to helping me and in the end I've wound up catering for her a load too. Hmmm .... that's really not the deal