Some Jokes


Active Member
I auditioned for Britain's got talent when it visited London. But, shockingly, I was turned down. That's right, my signature 'balancing a Mars Bar on my head for ten minutes' failed to impress Simon Cowell. He said, "Sorry, but Osama Bin Laden's had a Bounty on his head for eight years.":p

I forgot to pay my exorcist this month. Chances are my house will get repossessed.......:p

I own a sewage works in Dublin and our property has been broken into twice this year. I hope we don't get a turd burglar.:p

We call our grandad "Spiderman". He hasn't got any super powers - he just finds it difficult to get out of the bath.:p

Stephen Hawking may be a genius, but he is not setting much of an example to kids by just sitting at his computer all day.:p

I went to a fancy dress party the other week, wearing only a pair of Y-fronts. A woman at the party said to me, "this is a fancy dress party, what are you supposed to be?" "A premature ejaculation," I said. "What do you mean?" replied the woman. "I've come in my pants," I said.:p
Nicked from utagaura yest.....

Q: What's the difference between Marmalade and Jam?

A: You can't marmalade your cock down a hooker's throat.

I nicked my epiletic brother's last £20 to buy a strobe light.

He's gonna have a fit when he sees it!
Buckley I think you will be wanting this: