Once a Cheater always a Cheater???

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karenH

New Member
Once a cheater always a cheater??

I’ve just found out my bf has been with someone else, we’ve been together for 2 years, I thought we were madly in love.. moving in together etc… seems to think the world of me. But found out he cheated about a year ago.. Sh&gged someone else while he was away with friends for the weekend.
 
Personally i could never forgive...well maybe forgive, but i wouldn't go back..

its up to you to decide if you can get over it... and if you decide can, then make that decision then make sure you don't use it against him in the future.

Good luck and hugs for you!
 
I personally could live without givin a second chance to someone who I love and it's important to me. But just one!
 
I think men are pretty much designed to want to screw everything regardless of the constraints of a monogamous relationship.

Therefore, it's not the screwing that's the issue here, it's the honesty and intention behind it.
Shift your focus to that and then decide...or if you're too wrapped up in it, bounce it off a friend and insist that they remain neutral on the subject. ;)
 
Sorry to hear that Karen :cry:

Do you want to stay with him? Do you know the person he went with? Could you ever trust him again?
 
I think you need to speak to him to find out why it happened?? Was he doing it cos there was something missing/wrong with your relationship at the time or was he doing it just cos he fancied a shag?? If it was the former then altho there's no excuse for it then at least you can work out what was wrong with your relationship at the time together and get thru it (if you want to).

If he was just doing it cos he could and he was away with the boys then it is possible that he's more likely to do it again :roll:

And how come you're just found out when it was a year ago, has he just confessed or did you find out??

Hope you're ok xx
 
Wow,that's awful. :cry:

But before you believe the past two years have been a sham, here's some truthful advice;

Most blokes want to be faithful and most are, once they get in a serious relationship. However, a lot of blokes do stupid things that have no relation on how much they love you etc. Usually when they are really pssed.

This is no excuse and is still crap behaviour, but I bet he's been dreading this coming out since he did it and won't need reminding what he may have lost with you due to his stupid behaviour.

If you love him, make him stew and give him the hardest time ever, making sure he knows how much hurt he's caused you.

But if you decide to take him back, remember you can't hold it against him forever or it won't work.

Otherwise, just walk away....
 
I think you need to find out why he did it, was it just a drunken one night stand or were things bad between you at the time?
Also think about whether you could forgive and forget, some people can whilst others cant. I'm the latter, I could forgive my boyf if he cheated but never forget, I'm just one of those people who things scar very deep and I'd never be able to forget it!
If you still love eachother and he's truly sorry then you can decide whether your relationship is worth saving.

Such a horrible thing to happen to anyone though, good luck with working it through ;)
 
Thanks Everyone,

I was told my a friend, she found out because her bf was there on the same trip. I ask him and he told me the truth. Said it was a drunken thing and he felt awful about it. I’ve always been the one that says if you cheat you don’t love the person, but in my case I know he does love me. We’ve been together 2 years and never really had a huge argument, no real dramas. We’ve talked about marriage kids etc.. I know he thinks the world of me as I do him.

So really don’t know what to do. He’s off to a shags now next weekend in Amsterdam and I’m thinking to myself could this happen again.

Men…..
 
karenH said:
Thanks Everyone,

I was told my a friend, she found out because her bf was there on the same trip. I ask him and he told me the truth. Said it was a drunken thing and he felt awful about it. I’ve always been the one that says if you cheat you don’t love the person, but in my case I know he does love me. We’ve been together 2 years and never really had a huge argument, no real dramas. We’ve talked about marriage kids etc.. I know he thinks the world of me as I do him.

So really don’t know what to do. He’s off to a shags now next weekend in Amsterdam and I’m thinking to myself could this happen again.

Men…..
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Aww poor you :cry:

It does sound like it was a stupid pi$$ed mistake on his behalf and if he's feeling as bad as he says he's probably learnt to never ever do it again.

It sounds like your relationship is worth saving and you can/will get over it....but you have to want to 100%.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, there is no right or wrong answer, it all depends on the individuals concerned.
 
chewie_oo7 said:
just cos yr pissed, doesnt mean you dont know what yr doing. :roll:

piss poor excuse to hide behind.
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But you're right it's not an excuse, but it is often the reason.
 
Thanks Guys,

My head is all over the place right now. But your comments helped. Im meeting up with him tonight for a long talk.

Ps. Mark thanks for the male prospective

:) :)
 
Karen,

Its a real tough one. I used to be bad; have cheated in the past and at the time I still thought I totally loved the person.Unfortuntaly for guys sex can really just be sex and nothing more. I believe you can still love someone and do the dirty.

However, a girl I was with was cheating on me for three months last year before I found out and it totally tore me apart...worst three months of my life, cause i suspected something was going on but could never get to the bottom of it.

I'm now glad that all of those things in my past have happened to me though. I realise now I cheated in the past cause I was just young and stupid. After having it done to me, I would never do it ever again.

If I'm single, I'm single. If I'm with someone, I'm with them only. I for one could never get back with someone thats cheated now as the thought of them with someone else would always really hurt me, and I know I would bring it up if we had an argument.

Good luck babes
x
 
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