Old Jokes Home

Dan x said:
Were you gonna plagiarize the whole film for us, or do you have any jokes of of your own on this matter?

Or do is that your thing, you come into a forum, you read some obscure joke from a film and then you pretend to pawn it off as your own just to impress some girls?

;)
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How you do you like Dem Apples!
 
Dan x said:
Were you gonna plagiarize the whole film for us, or do you have any jokes of of your own on this matter?

Or do is that your thing, you come into a forum, you read some obscure joke from a film and then you pretend to pawn it off as your own just to impress some girls?

;)
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:lol:

I'd actually heard that joke before I saw the film!
(which means someone else was obviously plaigerizing :spank: )

Just now remembered that scene :oops:
 
Dan x said:
Nah, in fairness, there's loads of classic scenes in that film. (See above - one of the best moments ever captured on celluloid IMO :D )
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i concur.

my 2 favs are when they do the baseball story in his office and when robin williams gives him the "....but i bet you don't know what it smells like in the sistine chapel...." speech.

fcukin love that!:D 8)
 
Dan x said:
Were you gonna plagiarize the whole film for us, or do you have any jokes of of your own on this matter?

Or do is that your thing, you come into a forum, you read some obscure joke from a film and then you pretend to pawn it off as your own just to impress some girls?

;)
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it's friday must have had a rough week. Big hug 2 you, and take it easy on morb.
 
another

Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 1,331.


1 to change the light bulb and to post on the mailing list that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

53 to flame the spell checkers.

156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.

41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.

109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb.

203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.

111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list.

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.

27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.

3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.

33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."

12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversey.

19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.

1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.

47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.

143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.
 
grego said:
i concur.

my 2 favs are when they do the baseball story in his office and when robin williams gives him the "....but i bet you don't know what it smells like in the sistine chapel...." speech.

fcukin love that!:D 8)
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Great Movie....8)8)8)
 
I crashed my car this morning on the way to work.

I Rear-ended a car at some lights, wasn't really paying attention, my fault entirely.

Anyway, the fella' driving the car infront got out to assess the damage... And he was a dwarf. First thing he said was "I'm not happy"...

I replied "Well which one are you then?"
 
Q Whats French and loves blowjobs?
A - "Moi"

You must point backwards with both thumbs when you say "Moi" for the full effect! :lol:
 
Benson said:
Q Whats French and loves blowjobs?
A - "Moi"

You must point backwards with both thumbs when you say "Moi" for the full effect! :lol:
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What's got two thumbs, speaks French and loves...... you mean. Copyright Sid the Sexist in Viz.

See also:

Do you like driving? Well back onto this then

Do you like jewellery? Well, suck my ----, it's a gem!

Last one available as a fruit/peach gag instead also.
 
Buckley said:
What's got two thumbs, speaks French and loves...... you mean. Copyright Sid the Sexist in Viz.

See also:

Do you like driving? Well back onto this then

Do you like jewellery? Well, suck my ----, it's a gem!

Last one available as a fruit/peach gag instead also.
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lol - or Woman walks past a pet shop and sees a sign in the window that says 'Cliteris licking frogs'...intrigued and not having had much lately she walks in and says to the shopkeeper

'Hi, i'm interested in the cliteris licking frog'

shopkeeper - 'Bonjour'
 
2 jews walking down the road, they get approached by a gang of skinheads

the first one says, "looks like we're going to get mugged"

the 2nd one replies "I think your'e right.....here's that tenner I owe you"
 
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.

How soon can I go home?
 
Morbyd said:
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.

How soon can I go home?
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HA HA





 
A rangers supporter is screwing his sister when she starts giggling.

"What you giggling at?" He shouts.

"You screw the same way as dad!"

"Thats funny, that's what Mum says!"


:evil: :evil: :twisted: :twisted: 8) ;)


A guy walks into the bedroom, where his wife's lying reading her book and she notices he has a sheep under his arm.

"This is the pig I've been shagging for the last ten years" He exclaims.

She turns her nose up at him and says "Yer a drunken fool, that's a sheep!"

He looks at her and says "I was talking to the sheep..."


:) :evil: 8) :lol: :roll:


Jokes about incest and bestiality...Ive gone wrong somewhere...
 
Mr Whippy was found dead in the back of his Ice Cream van the other day covered in hundreds and thousands. Police think he topped himself.




<shuffles away quickly>
 
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