OK...I need some advice


Active Member
Nothing to do with clubbing.
But here we go.

I came to Ibiza 11 years ago after starting a relationship with somebody who was living there, half Spanish half Colombian who grew up in a small Caribbean island belonging to Colombia.

We were together for 11 years, married for the last 2 1/2 years of it and we split just over 3 years ago.

We have a 10 year old boy. Born in Ibiza, but then lived for the 1st 4 years of his life in the UK and the last 6 years he has lived in Ibiza.

Before our split, I had gained us all permission to go to live in Australia. We didn't go as my ex refused to leave Ibiza as she said that it was her place.
We split just after this and I stayed in Ibiza since then, mainly because of my son but also because it's a great place to live.
My son is very happy there and is doing very well at school.
He speaks English as his 1st language and only a small amount of Spanish.

When we split, I gave my ex custody and a monthly allowance for my son.
I have been paying the school fees.
I get to have him at least 3 days in 14 and over half the school holidays. He was with me 2 months this summer.
All manageable.
But now my ex has just taken him out of school and decided to move to the Caribbean coast of Costa Rica.
Fine, you think...but.

I have just come over here. It just took me 2 days...14 hours on a plane and then a 6 hour drive. £700 flight plus hotel and car hire.
The school she wants to send him to is going to provide a very,very basic education (which is OK when the kids are very young, but he will be 11 in August)

She has now gone to Bali until January and left me with my son, who is out of school until she gets back and he starts in February here.

I can't really relocate here, for one I have a UK based business and two I don't really want to live here. I have just had a look at the possibility of putting an Ibiza style bar here. But forget it, it really is not the place.
My son didn't want to leave Ibiza.

Ok, maybe I am Ibeing boring and conventional. But these are my concerns.

1. I don't get to see my son as much as I do now and we are very close. So much so, that he whas wanted to live with me for a long time now.
2. He is now missing 1/2 year of school. (Not too bad, as I am going to take hime on a great trip now)
3. His education is not going to give him the choices that I wanted him to have.

So...what would you do?

My head's in a bit of a spin with it all and sometimes it's good to hear another opinion.
He's down in Costa Rica right now. The question is, while the ex is away in Bali, does he repatriate his son to Ibiza or do what she's expecting which is entertain the boy until she returns in January and hand him over...
He's down in Costa Rica right now. The question is, while the ex is away in Bali, does he repatriate his son to Ibiza or do what she's expecting which is entertain the boy until she returns in January and hand him over...

Oh I realised that, sorry I meant stay in Ibiza from January onwards - but may prove difficult :cry:
What the fcuk she doing in Bali??
Imagine if you dumped the kid on her and said i'm off to Bali you wouldn't have a leg or a kid to stand on when you got back.
Let me think about all this ( I get worked up with kids and father stories though i draw the line at dressing up as Batman!) as I get my son every weekend but have had my ups and downs etc etc with his mum. We were never together (well we were in that sense it certainly wasn't an immaculate conception!) and told her before he was born that I wouldn't be with her just coz of the kid but would be there 100% for my son. She did even offer to pretend the kid wasn't mine and bring him up prentending not to know who the father was! What the fcuk?? She obviously thought(probably still does although admits I am brilliant with my son must hurt her to admit it) I am a cnut and would live like that!
Anyway I have paid everything from the start without fail and more. Yet I still haven't had him for more that 3 and half days at any one time. She has just agreed to get him a passport so he can come away next year for a week with me, missus and his little sister. However she said the same last year as I wanted to take him to Disneyland but she wouldn't get the passport as she wanted to take him there first, fair enough I thought even offered to pay but still nothing. The thing is that she is thinking of taking him to New Zealand for a year and I can't do jack sh1t about it!!! I can't have him on xmas eve as she wants him yet she offers him to me for NYE, funny that!
Be fair she is a good mum to my son although does molly cuddly him but no crime in that and also looks after my little girl if we need any help so cant fault her on that. She has a new bloke now and all of a sudden my little boy is with us more which is great for us however if and when it all goes t1ts up then it will be back to her terms again! Last fella (dead now- RIP and all that) was apparently a bit of p1ss head and was his downfall as fell downstairs drunk and broke his neck. If I had known he was as bad as I have since heard i would ironed him out staright away but what good would that have done me?? I can't go round there saying who she can or can't see but I can't and won't have people like that near my kids. Her current fella is a nice enough bloke as known him for while but he likes a booze and again I can't put a stop to it. Yet she could stop me seeing my boy easy peezy if suited her, yet for all my faults my kids come first and would never put them in a situation where they could be in danger.
So, do I express my concerns to her to him to both or team up with you and take the kids to Ibiza??? Seriously though women when it comes to kids have us bent over whether we like it or not.
As said she is a good mum aswell as my little girls is and so not slagging her off but us blokes will always get fcuked sooner or later.
I know none of the above is any good but I needed to have this little rant and I feel a bit better for it. I think.
I don't want to judge your ex wife because we only know your story.

But I do think it is completely unfair of her to move your son so far away from you.

I think it would be much better for your son to live in Ibiza, I hope doing this wouldn't cause to much heartache :cry:
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I cant offer any valid advice cos I dont know the laws with regards to child custody and moving from country to country, but I really do hope you manage to sort it all out for the sake of you and your son.

I can imagine this must be very upsetting...

Good Luck
I cant offer any valid advice cos I dont know the laws with regards to child custody and moving from country to country, but I really do hope you manage to sort it all out for the sake of you and your son.

I can imagine this must be very upsetting...

Good Luck

Exactly. Breaks my heart giving my little boy back every Sunday and he only lives 5 mins away. I couldn't imagine being that far away from him.

Good luck mate. If you ever need me to have a rant about this sort of thing let me know, i've had plenty of practice!!
Yes, I need to clarify a couple of things.

I am down in Costa Rica right now, I picked my son up from from my ex a couple of days ago.
The plan is for me to have a look to see if would at all possible to live here too. But as much as it's nice place for the nature etc, it's not a very livable place for me.
We are going to spend a few more days here and then head up to Guatemala.
I have some close friends there. I also have a house there which I need to check on.
Then we are going out on a sailboat for a few weeks. So even though he is out of school, he is getting some good life education.

We then go back to the Uk for 10 days in early Dec.
Then to Thailand, where my brother lives for 6 weeks over Christmas and New Year.
I then take my son back to Ibiza at the end of Jan. He then comes back here with his mother to start school in Feb. The new school is in Spanish, which my son doesn't speak that well.

I would have liked to have carried on living in Ibiza. (Well, actually my dream was Australia).
I would have liked my son to be still in school right now.

I made enquiries about the Costa Rican school from some Italian ex pats, they indicated that they were in the process of taking their 11 year old back to Italy because of the poor standard.

My son loves to learn and right now is reading an Edid Blyton book in a day and has just started on Angels and Demons.

But if I go up against my ex and say , no you are not taking him anywhere, chances are I might lose the case anyway. Also she will hate me forever.
If I win the case, she will probably still come here anyway, and hate me forever.
Having an ex that hates you is not a problem. But having an ex that hates you who also has your child is a different story.
Looking after my son alone would probably mean that we would have to move to the UK where my business is.
Also there's a chance my son might resent the fact that I have stopped something which no matter how it is or would have been in reality, would for sure be dressed up as the best thing ever by his mother.

I have been thinking a lot today. Here is what I think could be the best plan.

-Let her bring him here in Feb with the condition that if he is really unhappy he is allowed to return.
-Make a stipulation that at aged 15 he is in a proper school.
-Try to let things run their course naturally. I think he or even both of them will want to come back within 6 months.
-At least he will learn Spanish. (Don't even ask why he doesn't speak it already with a Spanish mother)
-Gives me a chance to get more organised to look after him alone if that happens.
-Try to get here as much as possible.

Morbs, I would love to be able to do something with the land.. But don't have the funds to build on it. It's going to cost at least half million, probably more.
Thing is with all this credit crap, the property prices are coming down, but I haven't seen any reductions of building costs!


really sorry to hear about your situation. i have to say when i read "emotional reunion with my son whoi'd not seen for xxx weeks" in a thread the other day, my first thought was why he wasn't at school. i'm nosey like that.

you seem to have thought things thru well in your head, sometimes you just need outside confirmation that you're not losing it and being unreasonable and being unrealistic.

i don't think you are BUT and it's a big one, none of us know what your ex is like, none of us can say "yes, if you did this and he says it, then that will happen".

the only advice i can give is that when it comes to the crunch, it may be a case of sacrificing everything else for your son's needs, which i'm sure are most important to you. the difficult thing seems to be that what he needs and you want are the same, but the current situation satisfies neither.

is there nothing better out there education wise? private tuition, etc
how hard is he finding it? when i was 10 i deliberately tried to fail my 11+ so i didn't have to go to the school my parents wanted (i still passed....doh!), so kids that age can work a situation, especially playing on their parent's emotions.

keep us posted.
do what your kid wants.if he wants stay in ibiza or not.his choice is the most important.
Hi there. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, it must be very stressful for you all. I have 3 boys, 2 from my first marriage and have gone out of my way to make sure they stay close to their father, giving up personal plans too, however, I understand that your ex might have now a desire to build a life for herself now and this causes all kinds of issues you have to sift through now...

Having said that, it is clear your son's needs must come first, including schooling and his own requests, as he is old enough to be able to express them and define these too. Is she prepared to take his opinion on board ?

How well do you and your ex get on ? Can you still communicate quite well re your son ? Would she consider him settling in Ibiza for the foreseeable future during school term while he continues his schooling, spending holidays with her in Costa Rica. If she has released him to you for 6 months, she obviously trusts you as a father and a positive input in his life... There are some 4 months of holiday time over the school year - give or take - maybe that would work over the next few years.

Re legal advice, that might be useful for you to have as back up, but my experience is that defenses start going up as soon as the law is brought into the discussion and that causes other complications and arguments, so if you can communicate without having to bring up your legal positions (for as long as possible) it might be best for the time being...

You both seem to be such involved and caring parents I would like to think you can find a workable solution.

Meanwhile, enjoy each other. You are so right, this is a huge learning opportunity for him, but also for you I guess. Good luck with everything. Keep us posted
If you want a good education for your boy, I would not say Ibiza is the best place for it, Although I do hear the French private school is good, Also in my opinion the Spanish state schools provide a better standard than the other choice and for free including even the school bus.
Have a good one.
I just want to say thank you for the input.
It's been really useful just to have other views on this....sometimes one does wonder if one is thinking straight.
I almost deleted the post before anybody had seen it as I was a bit unsure about airing it.
Some very good points raised, and I agree with them all.
Even the one about the Ibiza schools not being fantastic also. This is quite true. My son was in Morna, the English school. And although greatly improved over the last couple of years, still is lacking for kids over 14. The Spanish state schools have the added problem of being taught in Catalan and not conventional Spanish (Castillan).

Good advice also, is about being careful with the legal option.
Because I know my life would be hell if I went down that road and things are made difficult for me, then for sure that would hurt my son too.
I think it's going have to be a wait and see game.

Thanks again.
The Spanish state schools have the added problem of being taught in Catalan and not conventional Spanish (Castillan).

This is true, We did not use the state schools when we first moved here because of that, 2 yr`s later we have realised how silly that was,
They are used to "foreigner`s" and have very good method`s for dealing with us, sounds bad lol, But I mean even down to translator`s for when the kid`s start for as long as they need them, and they are very help full all along.
A bit like the health service here, Unlike England, The staff seem to want to go to work, Not just turn up to get paid on a Friday

Have a good one

ps, My Kid has probably learnt more catalan in 3 weeks than she learned Spanish in 2 yrs (not just particularly spanish ,,, well everything)