Last minute escapade - 15th - 17th July 2014


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Managed to muscle out enough obstacles for a last minute 3-day jaunt this week. Wasn’t going to be able to click off work entirely (I run my own business without meaningful ‘cover’ when away now, so am basically never free these days!). By early Monday morning, decided I’d be able to take some time out without major disasters being a likely price to come home to.

A 2-day / one-night taster in early June whet the appetite again after a year off last Season (for the first time in many years). I’d take an Ibiza day over an Ibiza night nowadays so the very early morning flights give maximum benefit per night away – for this to work, the price was a virtually sleepless night and a 2 ½ hour drive to Gatwick for the 05:35 :eek: Tuesday red-eye Sleazyjet special . Fine - anything - I’ll take it. !!

A great 1st day - the natural way

Landed early Tuesday morning before 9am and had my bag & car keys by 9.15. Had booked a Polo/similar but asked at the desk for a diesel car and got to the building opposite & found this in the parking bay (the lack of focus pretty much matched my own perspective ! ) .... a nightmare to park & a tad excessive for one man, but wtf ! :

Still feeling a bit dazed I wasted no time, chucked the bags in the boot & headed straight to Soul Beach for a morning swim ! Pebbly or not, there’s no beach closer to the airport and the clouds broke just as I hit the sea and floated in the super-salty water looking up at sky watching the planes on their final descent. The freedom and happiness just hit you full-on and all cares melted clean away ;) ... It always feels great to be back.

Hit up the little shop behind the beach for a much-needed can of Monster to prop me up, grabbed water supplies and headed towards Aigues Blanques. Check-in was hours away and that beach is always best in the morning. Realized I’d forgotten to pack a proper map (never know when you need one so I always have one in the glove box). Detour in the mounting Summer traffic to Santa Eularia to hit up a hotel reception for one – and to borrow their ‘facilities’ ! Picked up a couple of flyers, one of which would turn out to be a great move. Classic Ibiza randomness at work ! :cool:

There's still plenty of morning left when I hit the car park at Aigues Blanques & I don’t grudge the 3 euro charge with a boot full of belongings. Beach shorts and snorkel retrieved from the case, water supplies in hand and car key suitably stowed somewhere safe, can’t wait to go back to the smooth white chill-out rock I’ve ‘adopted’ here as my “own”. It’s well beyond the small sister beach to the North of the main beach and below the floral hillside which cascades down the cliff from the hidden villa at the top :

I’ve made it my ‘base’ here many times.

It’s a mission to get to, water entry isn’t for the inexperienced (a swell can easily make you lose your footing and crash against the rocks getting in and out), but I can see anyone headed for it from the sea with enough time to swim back so I can relax and happily strip off and abandon everything I’ve taken to swim and explore the rocks without worrying about my stuff being pilfered. I have the place to myself the whole time I’m there. My idea of pure bliss ! The water's lovely and warm. The main beach seems a long way away when you're this far up the coast (can just about see it on the LHS - the beach on the right is the next one along North of the main beach) :

After plenty of swimming and snorkelling and with tan lines pretty much eliminated it’s time to get some food.

The hill back up to the car park always delivers a mini-workout and I’m reminded how essential an aircon is here in Summer. Crazy hot :eek: . Cala San Vicente is just up the road, so look up Chris for some lunch.

It’s very quiet at Hidden Bar and a simple but very tasty King Prawn tapas starter paves the way for a much needed spag bol carb-fest.

Hidden Bar is a quirky place, more like a friend’s garden, and an old hippie in a G-string is ambling around whilst a shaggy dog does his best to join in when I make friends with one of the small cats. It’s all about as far from the bright lights of Playa d’en Bossa as it’s possible to get. Although not feeling it, know I’m latently knackered and one of Chris’s (fantastic) cocktails will likely have me passed out on a lounger under a tree like the last time (!) So settle for a soda with fresh lemon juice instead. After a natter and a catch-up it’s off to check in. Feeling very sleepy at the wheel by now I'm very glad I stuck to the Monsters and sodas.

The only ‘trusted’ hotel I could find under about £80 a night was Abrat in Calo d’es Moro, who did me a room for just over £100 for 3 nights through, who wouldn’t sell for any shorter time. Aircon, balcony, wifi (if your room is in the right place relative to the router) and parking. You can always get a night’s sleep too. The only real downside of this place is the rather dated decor and lack of a minibar in the rooms. But they know me very well and always get a really nice reception. Plus they give me a huge double room on the best side of the hotel and it’s only a 5-minute walk to Golden Buddha ! :D

Unpack, shower & fail miserably to siesta before facing up to catching up with work before hooking up with Andy Allwood at Golden Buddha. V Club has just shut its doors due to lack of footfall in the West End at the start of the Season and his Summer plans have taken a bit of a sour turn. Having bagged a Season DJ residency there it’s a knock for him.

Our catch-up is interrupted by my phone going off - having failed to raise guides from previous years on the phone earlier, I’d put a call in to a new outfit called Fun Kayaks Ibiza (have to have a word about using Google Translate !) – off a flyer picked up in Santa Eularia earlier. It usually takes a while to arrange this sort of thing in Ibiza but really fancied some time on the water one of the days I'm here.

Pablo (who spoke good English) had said he’d call me back earlier and was true to his word. Somewhat shockingly, agreed to a 10.30am start from Cala Moli the next day. Now if I hadn’t agreed to this I’d have undoubtedly spent the night wired up havin’ it large at Carl Cox - and likely been monged most of Wednesday in consequence. Not that I wouldn't have enjoyed the night in all likelihood, but would rather be in some kind of fit state next day for the trip.

Much as I hate doing it, and freely admit to still having to fight off conflicts after a few drinks, sometimes it helps to make commitments to give yourself a reason to structure a more balanced trip. It gets easier to pass up on big club nights as the years go on without feeling like you’re risking missing what might be the night of your life. Not being with Ibiza virgins for whom it’s all new is also a big factor. Quality over quantity becomes the quest in the end and you go for what you really want most deep down rather what what will please others :).

Andy and I have a couple of beers and a pizza before checking out Itaca and bumping into a series of his worker mates around town. With a front of house table, after cocktails and some shots, scantily clad dancers from The Sin take to the wall followed by Holi Garden parade and more exotic eye candy ... at very close quarters ! :D

It’s always a fascinating place for people-watching there. One father passing by sends his young son up on the wall for a cellphone photoshoot with the lovely Becky from The Sin – taking living life vicariously to another level entirely !! :spank: The look on his wife’s face was worthy of a front page spread.

Ibiza Rocks bar was packed but few others – seems they all really depend on pre-disco bus trade in the end. West End was really quiet but trouble-free. We’re both exhausted for different reasons and by 2am decide to crash and get a proper night’s sleep. if I’m to have any hope of making it to Cala Moli for 10.30am the next day after being up for virtually 2 days already I’m gonna need it !


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Day 2 – Wednesday

Left the curtains open and I’m awake feeling surprisingly fresh at 8am :eek: .. 6 hours’ sleep is about 4 more than I usually get in Ibiza. The feeling waking up here fresh can be such a good one.

Managed to remember to buy water at the offy walking home last night so I can make up a carb/protein shake which will keep me going for a few hours without having to deal with breakfast. Wish I’d ‘twigged’ to take this stuff with me a long time ago. Slow-release 600 calorie boost in liquid form goes a long way in any condition ! :cool:

Manage to sort out work stuff promised for today and make it to Cala Moli for just past 10.30am, street cleaning vehicles causing traffic tailbacks notwithstanding ! Pablo’s there with the kayaks unloaded and it feels great to have actually made it here by this time of the day ready to get going.

It’s so easy to ‘lose the morning’ in Ibiza. Getting someone to do a 1:1 tour is very hard most places in Summer – most of them will only bother if you can provide 3 or 4 people so it’s a welcome offer for me.

Pablo’s an interesting guy, full of knowledge about the geological formation and natural history of the islands and surrounding waters. He used to be a kayak guide at the natural reserve at Cabo de Gata in Almeria before moving to Ibiza this year to be with his GF and starting up this venture. Like so many, his regular work is in Winter as a ski instructor near Andorra. I always enjoy meeting new people like this and sharing locations of secret coves along the coast etc. I’ve met some of the people he works with in his business dealings also. It’s a very small island when it comes to this sort of thing !

I’m Pablo’s first booking since starting up on his own 3 days ago and nothing is too much trouble. He’s brought water and dry snacks along too. I’ve also got a sneaky bottle of pre-mixed Dioralyte to deal with the usual ‘Day 2 Diocalm’ moments earlier in the sun ! Conditions are perfect – almost still and dead easy going. We don’t have to work too hard and so have plenty of time for swim/snorkeling stops. There’s very little current in places so we even get to jump off the kayaks offshore and leave them floating a couple of times without him having to leash and tow them.

It’s so nice out that the original 2-3 hour plan turns into more than 5 hours and there’s nothing quite like the calm of feeling so connected with the water in such a lovely place. Did my shoulder in quite badly in a few months ago in a bike crash and it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to think about kayaking. Enjoyed it all the more being fit enough to do it again.

Hugging the coast at a leisurely pace with loads of swim stops we turned back around Cala d’Hort. I’m tired but not absolutely spent by the time we hit Cala Moli again.

There’s time for a quick beer before I have to get back to the hotel to deal with some work again – Aaargh !!!! Lose a good two hours sorting stuff and making plans for later, fail to eat and weigh up whether to go back to Cala Tarida or face the culture shock of PDB. Cala Tarida wins !

Surprisingly (as I have realistic expectations nowadays), wind up having one of my best ‘beach club’ experiences in years at Cotton Beach Club. I was ready for a contrast from the salt and paddles of earlier.

Really welcoming and amazingly attentive service throughout. Desperate for a proper meal and fearing a ‘nouvelle cuisine’ experience, I’m assured I’ll get a proper plateful of King Prawns & rice for my 25 Euros ! It was, and perfectly cooked/tasty too. With a bread basket, olives, water, a signature cocktail (of which about ½ was enjoyed in deference to the number of controls this year) and a green tea rather than a chupito to finish, it all set me back 58Euros. Which isn’t cheap but pretty standard for places like this - and not Blue Marlin levels !

Well restored, I braved the commercialism of Bossa for the first (and last) time this trip. Turf war violence on arrival saw a girl with a PR bib on getting beaten across the kidneys with a baton by a thuggish looking bloke outside Bora Bora car park. Moving swiftly on, I hit Sands to find after queuing at the busy bar it was tokens only (why don’t I ever learn ?!) and they’re out of red bull, which I could well do with right now.

Leave immediately, drive back up to town and get corralled into Murphys bar. 2 red bulls for 6 Euros will do me fine and watch the PRs outside failing miserably to get more than one group of (very young looking) people in for a drink in the time it takes me to bosh both cans. No-one seems interested tonight despite their heroic efforts. ALMOST give up and bolt, but it’s still a couple of hours before Stivi’s clear of work commitments and figure may as well ‘man up’ !

Back to Sands it is then. A few roidy bargey types there, too busy for my liking and WAY too many i-phones being waved about taking selfies and groupies but the music’s picked up and I find a spot to dance on the sand instead after a spell by the speaker. tINI played a decent set, lots better than I’ve heard her before in recent years. So that was a pleasant surprise. What struck me was the crowd was not as English-focused as I’d expected ... and that the shirtless bum bag crew have moved to Bossa en masse !

I stayed ‘till lights up at midnight and then exited past a barrage of 5 Guardia Civil cars and two vans camped at the bottom of the road outside Nassau. FFS – they were everywhere in Bossa but seemingly absent from the violence happening earlier right on the main street !

I’d had enough already and happily exited to the ‘burbs’ to meet Stivi at home. Had a nice chat and homely hospitality before we both decided to hit TOX club at Destino around 3 if memory serves. My first time there ... Destino itself is a fancy 5* Resort hotel that wouldn’t look out of place in Dubai. Tox is its blackened comfy little soundproofed underground club where the Pacha great and good were in clear evidence.

Odd Parents were on the decks and the place was rocking already. Plenty of extremely attractive girls in evidence ! Couple of 13Euro beers were followed by a very kind drinks token for something a little stronger from someone I won’t name but who also sorted GLs for Diynamic Outdoor next day – many thanks ! Everything in here is top notch – even the loos are immaculately attended after every flush and there’s not a chance of anything but polite behaviour from all.

The highlight came when Maceo Plex rocked up and hit the decks at pushing 4, going on to play a cracking peak time set in this intimate little settling, which worked just as well here as in a big club. Photo borrowed from Stivi (hope you don't mind !!)


Happy faces and hands in the air all round. There are a couple of his current tracks I’m not keen on (cue excuse for loo visit without the “mission” of a big club !) but the rest of his set was very good and quite a bit better overall than the sets of his I’ve heard on Soundcloud recently. The sound system is powerful, dancefloor was going off and we exited to daylight, ears ringing and happy bunnies.

TF for the Ronda – no parking spaces left so had to leave the car on the road round the corner, walk of shame back through Reception of the pretty conservative Abrat at 7.30am, that moment when you have to disclose your room number to the night shift guy so you’re singled out as a degenerate - and the realization you forgot to buy water and the bar’s shut. Oh heck – here we go again ! Still, couldn’t have hoped for a better night out – a great night with great music in a small venue is the pick of the crop when you get it.

My hopes of getting out again in the morning vanish and the curtains are drawn "tonight" !


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Day 3 - Thursday

I’m rudely awoken at 09:50 to my mobile phone going off after less than 2 hours’ sleep and instinctively answer it ... it’s a client :mad: . Mercifully a short one and think I was coherent o_O .. Sledgehammer syndrome in full effect and wake myself up with a shower. But I’m barely firing on one cylinder. :!:

Thoughts immediately turn to staying on longer. My flight’s at 23:55 and in the state I’m currently in, that feels unfeasibly soon. I’m out of water, can’t face leaving the room :confused: and give myself a proverbial shake to “pull it together”. Curtains get drawn and the sun streaming in delivers a breath of life and fresh hope. :)

Spend ½ an hour checking out later flights home and weighing up the costs / realistic implications. In the end, make the sensible decision to stick with my original plan. Can’t write off Friday entirely and know from experience you’re just deferring the inevitable and it always comes at a (non-financial as well as financial) cost that you need to be prepared for. Which in truth - at this minute - I'm not. Efforts to work bring negligible returns and decide to focus on the more important task of getting something meaningful out of the time I have left here. :cool:

A trip downstairs to the bar for water and mixing up a protein shake starts my ‘car engine’ up again and after looking at a map and thinking about driving any distance, decide to give Starboats a call. They’ve no boats left till Sunset. Ah well - it's out in the Bay, parking issues blah blah ... Hmmm - stepping up more than a single notch - Mamboats are next up. It takes them over an hour, but they manage to agree to get a fuelled boat ready, raise a driver shortly and offer me an hourly rate up to their next booking later this afternoon. It’s one of the big advantages of being in San An – the Marina’s on your doorstep with the whole North and West coast's in easy reach. Deal done :D

My mood has transformed, panic to rush hairing off across the island to grab the day dissipates and I know my last afternoon here is guaranteed to be an awesome one. "Faff about" organizing some stuff ready to leave (I'm not used to the luxury of actually being in a hotel room rather than scrabbling around the boot of a hire car to do this in Ibiza, so it’s a welcome bit of civilization by contrast !).

By the time I get everything sorted, I’m due at the concierce in less than half an hour and very low on cash, so take the car via a cashpoint behind the old Pussycat and park up a minute’s walk away. I’m f’kin starving already so grab a sandwich, maxi-red bull, ice tea and a couple of beers from the chiller cabinet of the little shop on the other side of the road from the Mamboats office. There will be drinks on board but I know what I want, always feels better to have it and I want to do more than sit on a boat eating a delivered lunch in my few hours left ! :rolleyes:

Mamboats have a nice new air-conditioned office up the road from Savannah and we do the formalities. I’m on an open hourly clock, but as they know me and have my vetted details on file already, no deposit or credit card is requested. Not been for two years and it’s very nice to be treated like that. My captain (Chris) was born in Spain and has been wakeboarding on the Med since he was 11. We know a bunch of the same people in the wakeboarding world and as we walk to the Marina, it’s clear there’s no way I’m getting out of it ! :p

These boats are the nuts for leisure – Mastercraft 255V 400Hp inboards, on-board toilet, 6-speaker +10” sub-JL Audio sound system, gorgeous mocha upholstery, coolbox, drinks holders along the sides, the lot. They’re licenced for up to 10 people but seat 18. I do feel a bit selfish having it all to the pair of us :spank: , but not for long as it finally dawns I’m back on ‘Sapphire’ and she’s as beautiful as I remember ;).

The sound system is i-pod compatible and takes CDs too. I’ve got some tunes just in case, but Chris throws on some cool grooves as we’re getting ready to set off and I’ve got no qualms at all letting him take over on that front. Perfect deep, cheese-free sounds all afternoon. Chris is a great companion and feel like I've known him for years already. Everything feels completely easy and natural and I've settled happily into my new floating casa in minutes.

After stowing gear, a quick chat about where I want to go, and loading the drinks holders up we clear the Marina, crack open the beers, open up the throttle and we’re powering effortlessly off up North. The feeling’s impossible to describe. It's like I just stepped into another life I never left.

First stop’s one of my favourite playgrounds in Ibiza – Ses Margalides.

We’re not alone and it takes pretty much the whole length of the anchor to ‘park up’ here. It’s DEEP ! I’m off the boat in a heartbeat. The fish population is healthy this far offshore and the water’s a gorgeous deep blue colour.

The sunlight makes patterns and dances below as you look down from above through a mask. It’s a special place. Underwater swim-throughs too - I’ve been regretting not taking vids of this before so did this time. Sorry for the shake – it’s not easy filming underwater with no weights or buoyancy control !



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There are frequently antics here with like-minded randoms – and can’t resist a bit of fun. These 4 lads had the same idea....

Decide to head on up the coast to Benirras

Bigger fishies here as always in the kelp

Turning back towards home, pass the cliffs I walked with Ollienotts and his friend Matt last trip to the island of des Bosc near Puerto Sant Miquel.

The chiringuito’s now open on the little beach leading to the island. It’s an effortless way to get there in comparison to trekking from the Port but not quite as rewarding and we move on !

Can’t come up here by boat without a stopping at Cala d’Albarca. A punishing climb down and back up to this little beach so it's an easy way to do it. The water’s rocky and shallow, with urchins, so take some fins or at least a mask to get to shore and back. I'm still holding out before strapping myself onto that board !!!!

Sapphire really is a sleek little beauty and she's almost too classy for the setting !

We pass Heaven’s Gate on the way back and decide I really must make time to walk there soon. As we near Cala Salada, the throttle drops and I’m chucked a board ! I’ve had my lazy afternoon and time for the slacking to end ... not been wakeboarding for 2 years (shoulder injury to blame again and also a house move away from my usual lakes in UK) ... and who could resist this anyway :

Thankfully it’s a bit like riding a bike and we use Illheta de Cala Salada for passes, of which there are many until I’m totally wiped out !

Been a perfect afternoon really and couldn’t fault any moment of it. I’m sad to say goodbye to Sapphire and Chris, but pretty sure it won’t be the last time I see either of ‘em.

It’s pushing 6pm now and take a stroll along Sunset Strip contemplating some food. But I’m well in need of a shower (and a lie down !) Back at the hotel, last-minute work issues scupper the latter plan and finally get everything together to leave by well gone 8pm. It’s a couple of hours too late really and my mood takes a bit of a downturn. Losing these margins can make a big impact on your final hours.

Despite being Sunset time, usual traffic jam leaving San An and I’ve low blood sugar now. Looks like it’s going to be either food or Diynamic Outdoors at Destino, but manage to grab some sandwiches from the Cepsa and remember to refuel the car. Race off to Cap Martinet scoffing my sandwich on the way and feeling rushed and irritable. I’ll have time for just an hour in there and on arrival, there’s no parking left. I’m ushered about by insistent parking attendants (which I especially hate). Dig my heels in and stop to try to call Stivi and ‘pull the plug’ in a vaguely civilized way. As we’re talking the parking attendant cuts me a break and directs me to a side road up the hill.

Must admit I’m well flustered by now and somewhat regretting shattering the mental peace and calm I was clinging on to by a thread from this afternoon’s outing. Inside, we hook up easily. There’s masses of space here around the party area so it’s not hard to find each other. Some nice grooves from Adriatique and pull myself together mentally. The party is perfectly busy, rocking and full of happy punters.


The setting is spectacular (and leagues better than Ushuaia imho – not tacky, just luxurious). Getting served at the bar proves too much for me (service rather ‘relaxed’ for my limited time left) and Stivi, being a perfect gent, sorts it out for me. Briefly meet some new faces and Solomun takes over as daylight departs. I’m glad I saw the place in full flight. Whether I would go again to a day party there is borderline. If I was in the right mood I may, but sybaritic and spectacular though the setting is, I still struggle somewhat with pool parties. As they go, it was probably the best I’ve seen.

Gone 10pm, Stivi’s headed off to Space and my time here’s also at an end. I make my flight in perfect time not to be rushed for once, and just manage to get the hire car signed off before the desk closes. It’s BA going home,so no horrendous half-hour queue at the bag drop. It’s all over too soon again. But I feel like I’ve been away for a week.

Drive home is a rude awakening. Make my car at Gatwick Long Stay literally 30 seconds before the heavens open and drive through the electrical storm and tropical downpours which dangerously mask the lane markings on the M23. Wind up pulling over to sleep for 2 hours twice on the drive back. Being more than an hour and a half from the airport really makes a huge difference when it comes to short trips and as I’m getting on a bit, I’m reminded that these escapades can’t be taken too lightly. Used to think nothing of it, but stamina comes under pressure with passing years. It was still all worth it – just need to weigh up Bristol & Birmingham more carefully next time !!


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Is Sapphire the name of the boat?!?! :lol:

I plan to go for a wee swim at Cala d'Albarca next time i think but if there's urchins would you recommend it?? :)


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You always write very well ;)

I'm not good with flattery, but kind of you to say, Liv !

Is Sapphire the name of the boat?!?! :lol:

:lol: - yup.

I plan to go for a wee swim at Cala d'Albarca next time i think but if there's urchins would you recommend it?? :)

Yes, just be careful and watch where you put your feet as you get in and out of the water etc. The water is pretty clear but just take a mask along on your walk. If you step on an urchin with that climb back ahead of you, you'll be trying out for the Marines endurance test !


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Always a good review mate. When are you out on the island again? Be good for a catch up if we are both out there at the same time


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When are you out on the island again? Be good for a catch up if we are both out there at the same time

Whenever the stars align to set me free ... never more than a day's notice as ever, Ben so if fate has it then meet up we shall.


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Yes, just be careful and watch where you put your feet as you get in and out of the water etc. The water is pretty clear but just take a mask along on your walk. If you step on an urchin with that climb back ahead of you, you'll be trying out for the Marines endurance test !


Something like this do?? To be honest i can't see how this would help but i'll give it a go if you think it'll help....


great review like always kimajy :cool:

how much did you pay for kayak- and motorboattour ?


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how much did you pay for kayak- and motorboattour ?

For the kayak with guide 1 on 1 he asked me for 45Euro for 5hrs which was not enough so I gave him 55Euros (still not enough really !). For that he insisted on buying me a beer at the bar !

Usually with a group it is 25Euro/person 2hr (& discount for kids) or 35Euro/person 3hr. Most places won't even do tours at this sort of price for less than 3-4 people at a time because they have to transport the kayaks to the beach / fuel etc.

For the Mastercraft I'll PM you ! I don't think Mamboats will thank me for publishing what I paid. It was a fair whack in absolute terms but relative to normal prices, a bit of a special arrangement with no bells and whistles, over the middle of the day when the boat was not booked (i.e. not Sunset). And only for 1 person so 'per capita' price was still a lot. They don't do many 'deals' for 3+ people in the boat and their usual prices are on their website ;).


Active Member
Brilliant review - one of the best I've ever read - engrossing from start to finish.

Also big respect for doing a last minute visit on your own - inspires the rest of us.
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New Member
Your review is very entertaining and I appreciate how descriptive you are. Thank you kimajy!
I feel slightly more knowledgeable as an Ibiza virgin :p
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