Kids before marriage??

[Holly G]

I think it's quite easy to say it if you're totally sure, I've said it all my life, even my mum says to me 'don't ever have kids Sar cos you'd be the worse mum in the world' I openly admit I haven't got a maternal bone in my body, I don't even like other people's babies and kids around me.

Me and Tom have everything we want in life and are more than complete and nothing in our life is going to change to such a degree in the next 5 years that would make us change our mind.

And don't forget if Tom wants a baby, I'll be looking for a sperm donor in a few years.

 

[Barbie]

And don't forget if Tom wants a baby, I'll be looking for a sperm donor in a few years.

You're so helpful

 

[Bella B]

You know it's interesting that the older I get, the less inclined I am to have children. I am only 26 though and of course this may all change over the next 10 or so years. I think I like the idea of having kids but the reality when I think about it doesn't appeal. I think both me and MrB are far too selfish to have kids - we enjoy each others company, having holidays, doing what we want when we want, spending our money on whatever we like, and see too many compromises to our lifestyle that we're not willing to make. My best friend has two kids and having lunch with her and her youngest who is two was the best contraceptive I've ever encountered! Going back to the original question though, as long as the two parents love the child and the child has a supportive and stable home life, then being married or not doesn't really matter does it?

 

[silvia]

Really?

I know lots of people where the kid's taken the fathers name.

Makes life easier if you get married after.

My question wasn't if it was easier or not if you are married, my question is: can a not married man give the family name to the kid or if you have to be married for that

 

[Drew]

Really?

I know lots of people where the kid's taken the fathers name.

Makes life easier if you get married after.

My question wasn't if it was easier or not if you are married, my question is: can a not married man give the family name to the kid or if you have to be married for that

Oops sorry!

The answer is obviously yes as this happens a lot in this country.

Not sure about the legalities, but schools obviously allow it to be public in their school time - probably to prevent any anticipated bullying from their peers upon a future name change.

 

[Bella B]

Really?

I know lots of people where the kid's taken the fathers name.

Makes life easier if you get married after.

My question wasn't if it was easier or not if you are married, my question is: can a not married man give the family name to the kid or if you have to be married for that

I think that even if you're not married you can chose whther the child takes the mother or father's name. I think it's personal choice.

This is the situation in Scotland:
Who can register a birth in Scotland?
A child's father or mother has a duty to register the birth. In the case of the death or inability of the father or mother the following persons can register the birth:
Any relative of the mother or father, if he is married to the mother, being a relative who has knowledge of the birth;
The occupier of the premises in which the child was, to the knowledge of that occupier, born;
Any person present at the birth;
Any person having charge of the child.
A father who is not married to the mother can only register the birth and be named in the register as the father if:

He jointly signs the register with the mother;
He and the mother sign declarations (these are available from the registrar) that he is the father; or
A court declares that he is the father and the mother registers the birth.

 

[silvia]

Oops sorry!

The answer is obviously yes as this happens a lot in this country.

Not sure about the legalities, but schools obviously allow it to be public in their school time - probably to prevent any anticipated bullying from their peers.

I don't understand that public thing in schools.

 

[silvia]

A father who is not married to the mother can only register the birth and be named in the register as the father if:

He jointly signs the register with the mother;
He and the mother sign declarations (these are available from the registrar) that he is the father; or
A court declares that he is the father and the mother registers the birth.

That's more or less how it works here in spain

 

[Drew]

Oops sorry!

The answer is obviously yes as this happens a lot in this country.

Not sure about the legalities, but schools obviously allow it to be public in their school time - probably to prevent any anticipated bullying from their peers.

I don't understand that public thing in schools.

Meaning 'public knowledge' i.e. for everyone to know

 

[silvia]

Meaning 'public knowledge' i.e. for everyone to know

But we are talking about couples, not single mothers.
I mean do in the UK people really bother if you are married or if you are living together? And actually, when you list a kid in a school are they allowed to ask you if you are married or just living together?

 

[Barbie]

But we are talking about couples, not single mothers.
I mean do in the UK people really bother if you are married or if you are living together? And actually, when you list a kid in a school are they allowed to ask you if you are married or just living together?

My mum's a primary school teacher Sil and she says that anything goes in school these days. Back when I was a little pup-pess virtually everyone took the dad's name whether their parents were married or not, now she says lots of kids take their mum's surname and quite a few couples also take the wife's surname when they get married.

 

[silvia]

My mum's a primary school teacher Sil and she says that anything goes in school these days. Back when I was a little pup-pess virtually everyone took the dad's name whether their parents were married or not, now she says lots of kids take their mum's surname and quite a few couples also take the wife's surname when they get married.

Ah! THat makes sense to me.

Do women in the UK still loose their family name when they get married?

 

[Barbie]

Ah! THat makes sense to me.

Do women in the UK still loose their family name when they get married?

Some do some don't. The old-fashioned traditional view of taking the bloke's name doesn't exist as much as it used to do. A lot of women keep their own name cos they've got careers and stuff in their own right now and to change to their hubands name would just cause more confusion.

 

[Morbyd]

Ah! THat makes sense to me.

Do women in the UK still loose their family name when they get married?

I think the majority in the US and UK still go for the husbands name.

Not like in Spain with the multiple last names that preserve both sides of the family.

 

[silvia]

Some do some don't. The old-fashioned traditional view of taking the bloke's name doesn't exist as much as it used to do. A lot of women keep their own name cos they've got careers and stuff in their own right now and to change to their hubands name would just cause more confusion.

I would never loose my family name even getting married and I have kids they will have two family name, first Pep's and second mines Everyone is a winner in Spain

 

[Barbie]

I think the majority in the US and UK still go for the husbands name.

Not like in Spain with the multiple last names that preserve both sides of the family.

Definitely not, the last 10 or so people I've known to get married have all kept their original names or joined their names up. I don't think I know any Mr and Mrs x (x being husband's name).

 

[Barbie]

I would never loose my family name even getting married and I have kids they will have two family name, first Pep's and second mines Everyone is a winner in Spain

Totally agree, I'd never lose mine. Some blokes are really adamant they want their wife to take their name but I feel like saying to them 'wtf don't you take your wife's name then'

It's a really sexist old-fashioned idea which is fortunately dieing out a lot now.

 

[Morbyd]

Definitely not, the last 10 or so people I've known to get married have all kept their original names or joined their names up. I don't think I know any Mr and Mrs x (x being husband's name).

Many people I know didn't change names either.

Nevertheless, I'm pretty sure it's a majority that do. I'm not saying it's better either way, though.

The Spanish system is great, Sil.. the only thing I get confused on is which last name to use for the short form of someone's name

 

[silvia]

Totally agree, I'd never lose mine. Some blokes are really adamant they want their wife to take their name but I feel like saying to them 'wtf don't you take your wife's name then'

It's a really sexist old-fashioned idea which is fortunately dieing out a lot now.

It has no sense, getting married doesn't mean a change of family, you mother is still your mother and your mother in law will be always your mother in law.

I want to convince Pep to give my family name first if we have kids cos it's cooler and posher than him

 

[silvia]

Many people I know didn't change names either.

Nevertheless, I'm pretty sure it's a majority that do. I'm not saying it's better either way, though.

The Spanish system is great, Sil.. the only thing I get confused on is which last name to use for the short form of someone's name

Yes, the spanish system is great, but it's not because we are not a sexist civilisation, it's because there's sooooooo many people with the same name and family name (García, López, González) that you need a third name to identificate them

The first second name is the one to use day by day