Joke of the Day

Emma_1983

Active Member
There was this guy and he had a girlfriend named Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot.
One day he went to work and found that a new girl had started working with him at his office.
Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite smitten with her and after a while it became obvious that she was very interested in him too.
But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn't do anything with Clearly while he was still going out with his girlfriend.
He decided that there was nothing left to do but to break up with Lorraine and get it on with Clearly.
He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
Then one day they went for a walk along the riverbank when Lorraine slipped and fell into the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.
The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing and smiling and singing. What was he singing, you ask???
Get ready, it's good... keeping going down the page
> >
> >;
> >


> >;
>
>
> >;
> >
>

>;
> >

> >;
> >
> >;
>
>
> >;
> >;
>

>
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> > I can see Clearly now .... Lorraine is gone....
 
That just got 2/5 people raising a smile here and they're mardy gits, not bad effort ;)
 
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Hovis account!

J
 
A doctor and a visitor were walking round the mental hospital when the visitor asked the Doctor how they decide whether a potental patient should be admitted or not

"Simple" said the Doc "we fill a bath with water and give them a thimble, a cup and a bucket and ask them how they would empty it


" I see" said the visitor "and any normal person would use the bucket cos its quicker?"


"No" said the Doctor "a normal person would pull the fcuking plug out. Which room do you want?"
 
A man with a gun went into a bank and demanded their money. Once he was given the money, he turned to a customer and asked, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the woman, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The woman replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my husband did."
 
Earlier this summer a local NY motorcycle club was having a rally, which took it through New York's Central Park Zoo.

As the riders wound through the zoo, a lion grabbed a young girl's arm through the bars of his cage and began dragging her inside.

One of the bikers jumped off his motorcycle and ran over to the lion's cage. He grabbed the lion by the mane, pulled him against the bars and knocked him smooth out with a single punch to the face. The biker than lifted the girl up and brought her to the terrified parents.

A NY Times reporter happened to see the whole thing and ran up to the biker breathlessly, pad & pen in hand.

"Sir" she said, "I just saw what you did and that was the single most amazing act of heroism I ever saw. I am going to make sure that this is tomorrow's front page story! Can I get some personal information from you?"

"Sure" said the biker.

"OK- what is your name?"

"John Smith" said the biker

"Where are you from?" asked the reporter

"Long Island ma'am"

"What do you do for a living?"

"I am a United States Marine ma'am" said the biker

"Did you vote for George Bush?" asked the reporter

"Yes I did ma'am, both times."

"Thank you sir, I have all the information I need. I appreciate your cooperation" said the reporter and she left, pad in hand.

The next day, true to her word, the story was indeed first page news. The headline read......

US MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN AMERICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
 
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