I don't "love" Dubai
and being as there are so many different nationalities in Dubai i would probably assume there are arranged marriages.
India's IT marriage boom
- Thread starter Jonny68
- Start date
I don't "love" Dubai
and being as there are so many different nationalities in Dubai i would probably assume there are arranged marriages.I don't "love" Dubai
You've missed my really obvious point. What type of culture do they have there? Oh forget it...
You've missed my really obvious point. What type of culture do they have there? Oh forget it...
I love how Johnny says ..
"I'm not against Indians or anything"
almost the same as ...
"One of my best friends is <<insert nationality>>"
or the classic " I knew a <<insert other nationality here>> and they treated him/ her bad"
Johnny.. what the frig are you talking about with gypsies? I know a number of people who ahve had arranged marriages and they are not unhappy.
Just because YOU wnat to go out and choose your own partner, does not mean everyone else should have to as well...
The point is you are not looking at this article and saying "Oh look here, how interesting, this is different from how I think"
You are saying it 'takes away your bloody freedom'.... and "I don't care what anyone says... its not natural".. and "its morally wrong"
To be honest, it sounds like you live in a bit of a bubble if this kind of thing is strange, horrible news to you.
"I'm not against Indians or anything"
almost the same as ...
"One of my best friends is <<insert nationality>>"
or the classic " I knew a <<insert other nationality here>> and they treated him/ her bad"
Johnny.. what the frig are you talking about with gypsies? I know a number of people who ahve had arranged marriages and they are not unhappy.
Just because YOU wnat to go out and choose your own partner, does not mean everyone else should have to as well...
The point is you are not looking at this article and saying "Oh look here, how interesting, this is different from how I think"
You are saying it 'takes away your bloody freedom'.... and "I don't care what anyone says... its not natural".. and "its morally wrong"
To be honest, it sounds like you live in a bit of a bubble if this kind of thing is strange, horrible news to you.
mother of jaysus relax i was only giving my opinion
quite relaxed. I'm only giving my opinion too!
the tone of your threads makes me wonder how relaxed you are
Beckiboo
Active Member
I think people might be getting confused with race and religion here It's very rare for an Indian family living in England to adopt such harsh line beliefs when it comes to marriage. Most Indians are Hindu's, who, whilst having strong family ties, are normally much more relaxed about the whole thing than Muslims.
The majority of honour killings / family disowning we hear about in the UK is by Muslims, not Hindu's (not saying it doesn't ever go on, but generally).
India is a much more advanced country than some people think. Arranged marriages are totally normal over there, it's the done thing to get your parent's approval before you marry someone. Sometimes the parents even choose the spouse before the couple meet, other times the couple will meet, say, at Uni, and the parents will have to accept him/her before the marriage can take place.
These girls/guys who do this with their parents are normally quite happy to have their input, it's certainly not dusgusting to them, its a normal way of life. Generally in india, Children respect their parents point of views, and having their blessing for their partner is very important.
It's normally in the tiny villages where you hear about these mad stories where parents have forced their 10 yr old daughter into marriage, or disowned their kids if they have married against their will, but that's a very very tiny percentage of India.
India is becoming more modern each day, and a lot of people in their 20's and 30's are highly educated young professionals. Times have changed a lot over there, and arranged marriage - basically having your parents help in finding a life partner - is a normal thing for families to do, it's not disgusting at all.
A good friend of mine recently married his long term girlfriend. Their parents were all friends and introduced them together. It worked out for them and they couldn't be happier.
How often have your parents given you advice on who to date? it's no different. Maybe we should take our parents advice a bit more in our lives!
It's very rare for an Indian family living in England to adopt such harsh line beliefs when it comes to marriage. Most Indians are Hindu's, who, whilst having strong family ties, are normally much more relaxed about the whole thing than Muslims.The majority of honour killings / family disowning we hear about in the UK is by Muslims, not Hindu's (not saying it doesn't ever go on, but generally).
India is a much more advanced country than some people think. Arranged marriages are totally normal over there, it's the done thing to get your parent's approval before you marry someone. Sometimes the parents even choose the spouse before the couple meet, other times the couple will meet, say, at Uni, and the parents will have to accept him/her before the marriage can take place.
These girls/guys who do this with their parents are normally quite happy to have their input, it's certainly not dusgusting to them, its a normal way of life. Generally in india, Children respect their parents point of views, and having their blessing for their partner is very important.
It's normally in the tiny villages where you hear about these mad stories where parents have forced their 10 yr old daughter into marriage, or disowned their kids if they have married against their will, but that's a very very tiny percentage of India.
India is becoming more modern each day, and a lot of people in their 20's and 30's are highly educated young professionals. Times have changed a lot over there, and arranged marriage - basically having your parents help in finding a life partner - is a normal thing for families to do, it's not disgusting at all.
A good friend of mine recently married his long term girlfriend. Their parents were all friends and introduced them together. It worked out for them and they couldn't be happier.
How often have your parents given you advice on who to date? it's no different. Maybe we should take our parents advice a bit more in our lives!
Morbyd
Moderator
It's very rare for an Indian family living in England to adopt such harsh line beliefs when it comes to marriage. Most Indians are Hindu's, who, whilst having strong family ties, are normally much more relaxed about the whole thing than Muslims.I think people might be getting confused with race and religion here
The majority of honour killings / family disowning we hear about in the UK is by Muslims, not Hindu's (not saying it doesn't ever go on, but generally).
[/quote]
I don't think anyone's brought up either race or religion here. In my mind, we're talking mainly about cultural issues. Very much regional in nature.
If there are Hindus on here you can correct me if I'm wrong, but arranged marriages aren't a religious thing as much as they are just part of the culture in that part of the world.
Arranged marriage isn't a Muslim thing either... I've seen none of that in the Muslim areas of the former USSR that I've visited, for example.
Exactly the point I made earlier. In fact, even in our Christian societies, there was once a time when parents picked out their children's spouses. Things have changed - our culture has evolved (but I don't mean evolved in a sense of becoming superior. Just changed...)Beckiboo said:How often have your parents given you advice on who to date? it's no different. Maybe we should take our parents advice a bit more in our lives!
Beckiboo
Active Member
I mean the points some people made about it being specifically India where people are forced into marriage, and how they would hate to live in india because of this.
Family values are a lot more strict in Muslim countries than in Indian. I'm not saying arranged marriages go by religion, but certain religions follow it more strongly than others.
LagunaBeachCA
New Member
Having spent 1/2 of my growing up years in Pakistan, my parents being arranged, and 5/12 siblings from my mom's side being arranged marriage, I can very confidently say that the entire arranged marriage thing is cultural, and not religious. In my parents’ case, they were arranged to meet each other, and after meeting for a few times, my mom said that she would marry my dad. I asked her what did she find attractive about my dad, and she said that he seemed to be a nice guy, good family and stable career. They have been together for 32 years. I am not sure if they really love each other or if they really care for each other.
There are a few types of arranged marriages:
The stereo-typical one is as described by BBoo, where in some small villages there are child marriages. This basically happens amongst the uneducated or low-educated and poor classes.
The second one is where the dude sees the dudette, and there is usually a mediator who knows both families, who approaches the girl's parents and let's them know that so and so is interested in their daughter, and if they are interested then a meeting can be arranged. In this second case, the parents will ask their daughter if she is interested, and then move on from there. If she is not interested before or after the meeting the parents will not force the daughter to get married. This usually happens in the all classes. My parents’ version of arranged marriage falls into this category.
The third one is similar to the second one, but parents decide on who their children are going to get married to. In simple terms, they pick the bride. Now this happens amongst all classes. In fact, this is quite common in the upper middle and upper classes also. As far as the kids being happy about it is concerned, there are some who are, there are some who are not, some who (I guess) just do not care because "that is the way it is supposed to be". A decent amount of my friends got married to girls of their parents' choice.
I agree with the "to each his own" philosophy. However, I really think that it is definitely pretty pathetic when individuals who do not want to marry someone that their parents selected do not stand for themselves. A few of my friends from my O and A Level days in Karachi just submitted to their parents wishes. We are not talking about Iqbal the cab driver here and Fatima the store keeper, these guys and girls graduated with top honors from schools like LSE, Warwick, MIT, Berkley, etc., and they are CAs, Engineers, Doctors, etc.
At my previous job, there was a Sri Lankan girl who hung around the South Asian community, and she told me of guys who are surgeons making far above 6-figures (but living with their parents in their house in Newport Beach; that's another thing that I roll my eyes over, but that is not the topic of this discussion) who would become like sheep in front of their parents and marry according to their parents' choice. My own parents used to ask me if I wanted them to go on a hunt for me, but my take is that if I am going to be miserable, I rather have it on my terms than theirs. The same goes for my younger sister. A lot of folks from the sub-continent would view our attitude as being disobedient and arrogant, but I firmly believe that people need to stand up for themselves rather than dropping their pants and asking how low they should bend over.
BTW, I would not at all be surprised that the arranged marriage thing is quite common amongst people from the Indo-Pak sub-continent living in UK or US. I am talking about folks born and raised (or ones who moved here when they were very young) in the US or UK who succumb to the pressures from their family. My $0.02 is that if one is just running around their "own" society, and they do not integrate, it does not matter whether they are in India, Pakistan, US, UK, or Timbuktu.
There are pros and cons to every culture. However, the Eastern cultures tend to be far more controlling. Once again, it is a cultural thing and not a religious thing. Arranged marriages might appear to be more stable, but it has to do with societal and cultural pressures, and not religion.
Sorry for the long post, but I find it hard to avoid a good discussion.
There are a few types of arranged marriages:
The stereo-typical one is as described by BBoo, where in some small villages there are child marriages. This basically happens amongst the uneducated or low-educated and poor classes.
The second one is where the dude sees the dudette, and there is usually a mediator who knows both families, who approaches the girl's parents and let's them know that so and so is interested in their daughter, and if they are interested then a meeting can be arranged. In this second case, the parents will ask their daughter if she is interested, and then move on from there. If she is not interested before or after the meeting the parents will not force the daughter to get married. This usually happens in the all classes. My parents’ version of arranged marriage falls into this category.
The third one is similar to the second one, but parents decide on who their children are going to get married to. In simple terms, they pick the bride. Now this happens amongst all classes. In fact, this is quite common in the upper middle and upper classes also. As far as the kids being happy about it is concerned, there are some who are, there are some who are not, some who (I guess) just do not care because "that is the way it is supposed to be". A decent amount of my friends got married to girls of their parents' choice.
I agree with the "to each his own" philosophy. However, I really think that it is definitely pretty pathetic when individuals who do not want to marry someone that their parents selected do not stand for themselves. A few of my friends from my O and A Level days in Karachi just submitted to their parents wishes. We are not talking about Iqbal the cab driver here and Fatima the store keeper, these guys and girls graduated with top honors from schools like LSE, Warwick, MIT, Berkley, etc., and they are CAs, Engineers, Doctors, etc.
At my previous job, there was a Sri Lankan girl who hung around the South Asian community, and she told me of guys who are surgeons making far above 6-figures (but living with their parents in their house in Newport Beach; that's another thing that I roll my eyes over, but that is not the topic of this discussion) who would become like sheep in front of their parents and marry according to their parents' choice. My own parents used to ask me if I wanted them to go on a hunt for me, but my take is that if I am going to be miserable, I rather have it on my terms than theirs. The same goes for my younger sister. A lot of folks from the sub-continent would view our attitude as being disobedient and arrogant, but I firmly believe that people need to stand up for themselves rather than dropping their pants and asking how low they should bend over.
BTW, I would not at all be surprised that the arranged marriage thing is quite common amongst people from the Indo-Pak sub-continent living in UK or US. I am talking about folks born and raised (or ones who moved here when they were very young) in the US or UK who succumb to the pressures from their family. My $0.02 is that if one is just running around their "own" society, and they do not integrate, it does not matter whether they are in India, Pakistan, US, UK, or Timbuktu.
There are pros and cons to every culture. However, the Eastern cultures tend to be far more controlling. Once again, it is a cultural thing and not a religious thing. Arranged marriages might appear to be more stable, but it has to do with societal and cultural pressures, and not religion.
Sorry for the long post, but I find it hard to avoid a good discussion.
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You've missed my really obvious point. What type of culture do they have there? Oh forget it...