I'm back! And clean!

Dan x

Active Member
Hola tout les mondes, vie gehts?

Finally taken this long to scrub myself clean with bleach. Shares in shower gel (or more realistically Demestos!) will go up higher than property when they stocktake realise how much I've gone swimming in the stuff to sort meself out!:lol::lol::lol::lol:

Everyone else seems to do a review, and I find them great therapy and an exercise to write, so here goes...


We'll start here as it's really the beginning (though it seems like Months ago!). Took an email late late Wednesday from the woman who organises Question Time (UK BBC prog about politics on Thursday night) to ask if I wanted to appear in it (the audience, not the panel!). I wouldn't say it's been a lifelong dream to appear on the show, but I had been looking to do it for a rather long time, and chances to get in the audience are apparently like gold dust (especially when the show only appears in London once every few months). I really didn't have much on over the next few days/weeks (massive sarcasm, see later!), and the previous night was spent running after a dog, so didn’t get anything done then either)).

Still was lots of fun, really interesting, and boys will understand it was comparable to watching a football match live vs. watching it on TV. You get a really different experience from it all. David Dimbleby was wicked8), had a massive chat with the crowd to warm everyone up. Everyone has to offer to ask 2 questions, one emailed in advance, and one on the evening. My first one was deliberately crap as I had to think of it on the spot during the day, though the one I gave in the evening was borderline rather good, though I really wasn't sure if I wanted to go on National TV to say it:oops:! (No, it wasn’t about the club closures in Ibiza!:lol:) You only live once and all that, so I handed it in, and was kind of pleased with myself to be bricking it when they read out the names of people who were due to ask questions (I didn’t get picked though)!:oops:

Ran home, and frantically packed for the following day. Even with 4 hours to do it in, I still minced around frantically:oops:, and still forgot a few essentials, and had to re-pack in a bigger suitcase etc. I did really take enough for at least 2 weeks, and had every eventuality far too covered! (3 moisturizers and 2 face washes anyone?!)


The disappointment of realising I wasn’t going to win the race to Gatwick was soon overcome by the excitement of getting there. I was on my feet on the train practically jogging on the spot like I needed a piss (more on that later!) waiting for the doors to open a good 10 minutes before I arrived!

Worst moment of my life ever ever ever when the check in queue (f*cking quick self serve boIIoks!) broke down:spank:, when I was 1 person away from being served, which meant I had to wait 30 agonising minutes whilst my pals were the ‘other side’ having a drink.:cry:

Managed to get over it finally when I saw the sight of the happy couple and the Powers’s, and after a few minutes hyperventilating, advising people this wasn’t my last tour of duty before being shipped off to Vietnam, and normal service was resumed. Had a mooch around the shops (OMG How good is the WHSmiths there!!! And the Boots…!), then did the normal ‘**** we’re boarding’ run to (ALWAYS the furthest!:?:) gate away from the terminal!

Got on plane, stopped Erin getting stuck into some wudebwoy, and generally did the whole plane thing. Could have done with some sleep, though considering whom I was next to, it wasn’t really going to happen!

Landed, waited a nervous few minutes as the luggage came through, then bolted out, picked up the Stallions hire car, and dropped off in PdB for a rather aching 2 hour mission to scout out a place to stay.

Finally rested back in the Club Migjorn, (which sleeps six y’know!), which was he first place I asked at in the end. All mod cons, including a toaster (semi-essential), and more importantly, a microwave ;). Promptly unpacked and collapsed (had been up for 30 odd hours doing normal stuff at this point!).

Went out in the evening to Marco’s (amazing restaurant in the Fingeretas harbour), and then had arm twisted by birthday boy Ed + Ferd and Ferd’s barry, (Ginger ;)). Went to Privilege, did the whole Manumission thing, though really it wasn’t my cup of tea, and I did start feeling anxious that I’d be able to calm myself down for the following day’s activities. Musical highlight was definitely Sweet Dreams with the acapella of Pinks Get the party started, upon which I told everyone “Guys, if you tell anyone I danced to this, we aren’t pals no more!”. Made it back around 7am ish, had a brief shower to get that San An scum off:evil:, and knocked myself out in time to get some decent sleep!


I don’t really want to go into too much detail here, as you were all mostly there! I’ll just add that you know that when you psyche yourself up for a day, and hype it so much, that you sometimes pause and think it’ll never match up to it?

Well this one delivered on so many levels:D:D:D. Everything was absolutely perfect, the people the setting (amazing!), the music, the atmosphere, urgh, I could go on! Special notes to meeting Silvia (completely unlike what I had imagined you to be, in the best possible way ;)) Jesus man, Jon’s speech, Tom (taking the piss probably, but hey, what’s new…) noting my club tropicana hat and just having a whole day smiling.

Got the coach home and went back to someone’s (Jamies?!) and carried on for a little, though it had all been a long day, and retired (relatively) early to mine.(It had been a long day!)


SPACE SPACE SPACE. 8)8)8) After more mincing around trying to sort everything out, we made it there via passion for about 4-5ish. Got all gushing again as we met the B&G, and the rest of the party, and only hope I stopped saying “Well, wasn’t yesterday AMAZING?!” eventually after even the staff got bored.

Anyway, possibly the most amazing moment of the weekend, if not Ibiza ever, if not life itself, was making our way to the terrace, and hearing a HOUSE MIX OF THE GHOSTBUSTERS THEME TUNE. :lol:

If there’s been a better way to kick off a space session, I’ve not heard it. And what a Space session it turned out to be! Stomped the arse of the afternoon, with hands firmly in the air for nearly 6 hours. Was amazing that ‘our crowd’ completely owned that little triangle. Absolute pleasure to bump into Michael Phd (apologies if I was rude mate, famous British sense of humour ;)) and Nostrum (who’ shoulders did not stop moving all day – I saw him at 5 and he was bopping, and I’m sure I saw him after dark, still going, still grinnning! – definitely want some of what he was on!)

Later on moved inside for Groove Armada, who were ok, Superstyling count was only 1 IIRC, and then tiefchwarchz. Not really a fan whatsoever, though f*ck me sideways I have NEVER heard a soundsystem sound as good as it did then8):eek:. I’m sure French Kiss was heard somewhere along the way, and the intro to Born Slippy (cue many exploding moments). Started to look like I was losing a grip on reality (though I thought I was doing ok!), and spent a few minutes (deliberately!) on the floor (more on that later…). Went upstairs to chill out around 4 ish, and then after Screech happily made the invitations:spank::lol:, we retired back to mine where I cooked for everyone ;) til around I-don’t-know-when.

N.B. Pass out not used ;)


Bog Roger day.

Got up late for drinks then met the rest of the dogs at the hotel to go on over to Pacha for the final blowout of the holiday (flight home was at 10 am Wednesday Morning). Amazing meal as always, with great company. Highlight of the many streams of conversation (diners look away now:oops::lol:), was talk of Liverpool fans ****ting (sorry!:oops:) in pint glasses, and throwing it on the Manchester United fans sitting in the tier below!!!!

Now (if you don’t mind taking a moment here)… I hate Arsenal fans as much as the next guy, but really… I mean, if we all just take a moment to stop and imagine a) What kind of human being has the volition to do such a thing, and b) Picture the scene, proto BNP footy thug or junior at his first game. As if it’s not enough having a GLASS come down and smash your face to smithereens and cut your glorious boat to ribbons, you’ll have another mans faecal matter streaming into the cuts….

Anyway, I’ve dwelled enough on that, so apologies for the digression!…:spank::oops::eek:

Ah, yes, big Roger…. By the time you’ve finished, and actually digested enough of the meal so you get in the mood for boogieing, it’s does get all rather late! Though needless to say Sanchez smashed it. Nothing to adventurous, pretty much all of his tunes could have been played at any point in the night, though utterly fun, and ultimately so danceable, you couldn’t have asked for more.;)8)

And this is where it all went so so right and so so wrong! :lol: Had a great day entertaining various waifs and strays that popped in from the various previous nights activities, and went on a few PdB missions for little reason whatsoever! I wouldn’t say it was the prettiest night and day, though y’know these things happen!

Was fully expecting to crash and burn sometime in the afternoon, though news of a final meet up seemed to give me and Screech a little more sprite, and we managed to hop over to the West End for a (nother!) final blow out.

After a few drinks with the crew in Kanya or somewhere, then went into the west end for a bit of a drink. Did the whole air guitar thing to Bat Out Of Hell, nearly climbing into the DJ box in the process, and got consummately ruined! After debating for hours whether to go to Eden for GC classics, it was all we had to turn our backs on the idea, and head home to put ourselves to sleep. Twas a shame as we didn’t formally say goodbye to anyone, though I hope you will all understand!;) An emtional end to one of the most hardcore 5 days I've had out there, and that's saying something. Got in and started spinning all over the place like a pisshead always does when hey're on their own. I would have loved to have seen a video camera of me!


Got up, took a while to realise where the f*ck I was after a really wierd dream(!) and started the comedown from hell:cry::cry::cry:. I know the flight home from Ibiza is never the cheeriest of experiences, though I don’t think I’ve ever been close to saying out loud the immortal “I’m giving this all up…” for a good few months. :oops:

Flew home without any major issues though (and fewer words spoken from anyone!)

Picked up hire car at Gatwick to take to Glasto. (Brand new Vauxhall Vectra six (yes, only six!) miles on the clock – the poor poor things! Drives like a dream though!).

To be honest, I had to really dig deep to find the enthusiasm to go there. If I wasn’t letting pals down I would have seriously considered turning my back on it all. Daniel was not a happy bunny :rolleyes::spank:.


Still, after grabbing a pitifully short amount of kip, and packing under great duress (I couldn’t find anything else to use as a bag, so I used my Ibiza suitcase – not entirely the greatest idea known to man!), ever so gradually we made out way over there via picking up El Buckeroo. With little or no traffic, and with each mile closer we got, and with each camper van passed, the goosebumps came coming back!8)8):D:D:D:D:D:D

If you haven’t been there before, you’ll not appreciate that such a MASSIVE bearing on you weekends activities is your pitch. I genuinely think if we were the first people to turn up, we wouldn’t have found as good a pitch as we did. The whole place was rammed, and we felt that we’d never find anywhere. It was truly baffling! Our friends, who were an hour ahead of us, couldn’t find anywhere for hours, even searching up to the perimeter fence, though for some bizarre reason we found an amazing spot right next to the Glade bit, and down the road from Lost Vagueness.8) Im still gobsmacked!

The tents went up without any ordeal (I'm a natural min... camper!), and without further ado we had a big bittle of ceremonial, traditional pear cider in our hands by about 2 o’clock, to announce the commencement of games, as it were!

Oh, and at this point, the weather was flashing in between the lightest of rain, and general cloudiness (relatively Saharan, given the area!)

Thursday night planned to take it easy, though go…oh scratch that, I’m gonna start getting a bit brief now as my hands are hurting, and I really can’t do Glasto in such detail – my memory’s not that good, and far too much went on!

Instead I’ll fill you in via the medium of a Rocking (good) and Shocking (bad) section…

Rocking :lol::lol::lol:8)8)8);););) (aka Beefa N Glasto brief highlights!) in no particular order...

The little do on the Saturday (not sure if it's been mentioned?)

Morbyds shirt in Space!;):oops: (What was going on mate?!)

Meeting instant newbestfriend and all round top guy (Sarah's mate) Simon and his missus Danielle (yes, despite him being a northerner!) (Rob can you or Sarah send me his email please, or tell him I said hello ;) )8) Had me nodding to myself "That's what its all about".

Crouching on the floor to get away from all the madness in the treetops of the inside of space (to be explaned later upon request) (v, important)

Irons Irons!:lol:

Reunion with SuperD Mega Props mate8)

Knee deep in mud, at a 45 degree angle, in the dark in the dance village, hearing the phone go again, ready to moan at whoever was calling/texting, only to hear it was about Terry Henry moving to Barca (Cheers Ben).:p

Meeting Silvia and her not making me feel all embarassed! (thanks you were really lovely to meet8))

Mr Meat Loaf. Calling the Bat Out Of Hell intro DAYS before everyone else.:spank:

Tearing the arse out of the above song.:oops:

In fairness, the ability to keep reasonably dry and clean at Glasto.

My multilinguisticalness coming on leaps and bounds! (see above!)

Militiary Mittens connected by elastic, old-school styleee! (Most house thing in the world ever ever ever)8)8)8)8)8)8)8)8)8)8)8)8)8)

Asking at the Shelter (charity campainging for affordable housing in London or something) if Timmy Regisford or Quentin Harris were about.:spank: but :lol:

No-one other than Buckers (pretending!) (and Rob in spirit) understanding the above joke. just :oops:

Writing "House Music All Night Long" on the (sponsored graffitti style) Shelter brick wall for "Your messages to the Government on solving the current homeless crisis" more :oops:

Agreeing with the people at the Shelter stand about my disgust at my struggle at affording a 3 bed semi in Fulham. even more :oops:

The Shelter stand in general. :lol:

Asking the 'Anti-BNP' (?) stand/protesters/speakers in the Leftfield tent if it had been a tough gig(!)

Coldcut spinning my head round far too much in a blur on the last blow out onthe back of a god-knows-how-long-bender!:eek::eek::eek:

After thinking that was going to be the end of it, Chemical Bros doing the same straight after! Lasers Man!:eek::oops:

The Sunday Morning Fever T-Shirt!:lol:8)

OMG OMG OMG jackanory central!!!! Blagging the backstage camping bit, and and sitting round a campfire as a classic stereotypical hanger-on, with a handful of minor celebs (Suggs Fatboy Slim, Zoe Ball etc) and roadies just biting my lip to ask if I could have their photo (inbetween racking up massive lines of (famous people OMG!!!) toot!). Pure "And there I was..." moments, genuinely thought someone was going to talk about Ozzie needing a 1,000 brown M&M's.:lol:8):oops:

Microwaves in Ibiza:eek::eek:

Ferd and Ginger:D

My new typing speed8)

New vauxhall Vectra SRI's with vvt, B&Q and PMSL.

Crouching dance stll un copyable, and still years ahead of it's game in the dancefloor skills arena!

House mix of the Ghostbusters theme tune as you're walking into Space:idea::idea::idea:

Ah, just remembered this, not sure if I said it mate: Robders dancing! Honestly mate after the amount of time you've spent in nightclubs... (sorry!)

Do do do, Nigel Reo Coker:D

Taking out a few boys and bringing them home men (erm...)

Meeting hippies, and fellow weekend hippy capitalists.

The looks on peoples faces as you shared carpets and rugs with them. Share the love!

Pear cider on the last day of glasto:D

Horsemeat Disco - Gay do with obligatory stick on tashes handed out on the door in a recreated new york nightclub from the 70's playing proper genuine disco stuff.

Writing this review!

Knowing I've got to do it all over again in less than 2 weeks time!


The trip back from Glasto (URGH! over it now though!)

MY BLADDER. I've looked it up, and it's definitly either Prostate Cancer or Diabetes. will see doc when I get back from Exit for sure...

Hearing all the reports of people getting busted in Beefa.:cry:

Dragging said suitcase over ben nevis, with wheels about as useful as Anne Franks drumkit.

Missions trying to meet up with people at Glasto!

Half of my clothes not bloudy fitting me :spank:

Being the worst suitcase packer in the world ever:lol::spank::oops:

Black Wednesday! I think I was one rendition of Under the Bridge from, well, being, like really unhappy!:( (ok now tho!):oops::oops: :D (so then, next week...!)

I've got to say I was a bit hmmm about the music in general. This one was definitely all abot the company.8)

Drinking out of paper cups at glasto

The queue at GatSLOW (see what I did there?!) check in!:spank:

Being covered in bruises and cuts and broken toes like a housewife that burns my dinner and answers back, with little or no knowledge of where they come from.
The state of our Vauxhall Vectra post glasto!:oops:

Pear Cider on the first day.:confused:

Eating nothing but **** after 8 weeks of dining like a rabbit in a convent.

Writing off half a wardrobe post glasto (and post bothering to drag it home)

Taking a mincing 2 hours to do a 20 minute job every time:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:


Christ that took a while, though has been ace fun writing it! Such a great 2 weeks, my heartfelt thanks to all involved, memories that if they've made it this far, they're bound to stay with me for a long while yet, especially if the massive grin I've ust caught myself that I've been sporting for the last hour or so is anything to go by!

Special thanks to my partners in crime (you know who you are 8)), my partners in grime (ditto ;)) and finally my, erm, partners in, erm, rhyme (Bat out of hellers say OI OI!!!) (Ooooh worth for that poetic ditty at the end!:lol:)


Dan x
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Active Member
excellent review Dan son!! and superb to meet you as well!!

Sarah or Rob has my email address mate.

see you soon!


Dan x

Active Member
Erm, you're Simon?! Sh1t! I had no idea you were you!!!!:oops::oops::oops::lol:

Pffft, so youre just another internet wierdo then!

Either way, you're company was 'boss' (is that what you guys up there say?!) pleasure to meet you ;)


New Member
:D:D:D Dan I LOVE you :D:D:D:lol::lol::lol:

PS your wedding 'present' kept us amused for 12 hours on Wednesday post-Gatecrasher - thank you soooooooo much :D;)

PPS Still pmsl that (my) Karen thought you were going off to war after Ibiza :lol::lol::lol:

PPPS Is it time to go back yet :twisted::lol:


Active Member
Erm, you're Simon?! Sh1t! I had no idea you were you!!!!:oops::oops::oops::lol:

Pffft, so youre just another internet wierdo then!

Either way, you're company was 'boss' (is that what you guys up there say?!) pleasure to meet you ;)

yes this is me. i don't post on here that much - so the internet wierdo tag doesn't suit. just plain wierdo is fine however!


Robbie G

New Member
Asking at the Shelter (charity campainging for affordable housing in London or something) if Timmy Regisford or Quentin Harris were about.:spank: but :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Now that had me laughing!

It was a pleasure being your wingman for the first half mate!!

Roll on Exit!

Simon's email is on its way


Well-Known Member
You can be my wingman (again) anytime.



Super Moderator
Staff member
great read - but jeeeeez i'm always dancing like mad when i'm dancing (judith and others can confirm i'm also known as duracell bunny) :D


Morbyds shirt in Space!;):oops: (What was going on mate?!)
Glad you liked it :lol: :oops: :confused: :lol:
I decided to make most of the lost luggage incident! (in tongue-in-cheek fashion)
Dan x said:
Got up, took a while to realise where the f*ck I was after a really wierd dream(!)
Been having a lot of those since Friday night...
Dan x said:
Half of my clothes not bloudy fitting me :spank:
Know how you feel, mate... I just had to buy a couple new pairs of jeans and a smaller belt for older clothes and I'm sure you lost more than I did. You look great though so just go shopping ;)


Erm, you're Simon?! Sh1t! I had no idea you were you!!!!:oops::oops::oops::lol:

Pffft, so youre just another internet wierdo then!

Either way, you're company was 'boss' (is that what you guys up there say?!) pleasure to meet you ;)

i never knew that either.

hello si!

great review dan....

sweet sensation

Active Member
Brilliant review had me giggling in loads of parts :D:lol:

2 things tho! Im a girl and I understand the reference to the football on tv to seeing it live ;)

Plus the Ghostbusters tune!!! :lol: do you know who does it? cos I lent my original 7" copy to Timo Garcia years ago and he was going to remix it. I never got it back so dont know if he ever got round to doing it!!! :lol: