Friday's Crap Joke
- Thread starter puppylover
- Start date
tripehound
New Member
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: 'Listen, This guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain…...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!'
His wife responds:
"He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that after being so long with men in jail he's gay, and thinks you're very cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too."
Inside, he finds a couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: 'Listen, This guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain…...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!'
His wife responds:
"He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that after being so long with men in jail he's gay, and thinks you're very cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too."
I
icebaer69
Guest
Mr Bullseye
New Member
Two snowmen standing talking, one says to the other" can you smell carrots?"
Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party ?
He was looking for a tight seal!!
Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party ?
He was looking for a tight seal!!
Mr Bullseye
New Member
Joke
Apparently man city have sold shaun wright phillips to madonna.
Apparently man city have sold shaun wright phillips to madonna.
I
icebaer69
Guest
"...
Ibiza Playboy
Beautiful women, the hottest clubs, balmy nights and crazy parties
where pleasure rules – Ibiza, the ultimate island holiday, is the inspiration
for the new scent from Playboy that will give you a fresh and tropical touch
to stay seductive until dawn.
It’s the scent for young, energetic and smartly seductive men who like to play.
The fragrance brings masculine, fresh and green notes; reminiscent of the
Mediterranean Islands that reflect the glow of a luxurious life.
Make the step from boy to Playboy.
To get your hands on the Playboy Ibiza fragrance go to your nearest Coles,
Priceline, Kmart, Big Wor selected pharmacies and hit up
www.playboy go****yourself.com for details on the entire range.
To celebrate the launch of Ibiza Playboy, we are giving away a massive prize pack
worth $15 000 which includes a brand new Honda CBR 125R Motorcycle,
Apple Pro laptop 17 inch, a Playboy Ibiza fragrance pack and heaps more!
To be in the running to win this great prize, click HERE
..."
(mtv.com.au)
Ibiza Playboy
Beautiful women, the hottest clubs, balmy nights and crazy parties
where pleasure rules – Ibiza, the ultimate island holiday, is the inspiration
for the new scent from Playboy that will give you a fresh and tropical touch
to stay seductive until dawn.
It’s the scent for young, energetic and smartly seductive men who like to play.
The fragrance brings masculine, fresh and green notes; reminiscent of the
Mediterranean Islands that reflect the glow of a luxurious life.
Make the step from boy to Playboy.
To get your hands on the Playboy Ibiza fragrance go to your nearest Coles,
Priceline, Kmart, Big Wor selected pharmacies and hit up
www.playboy go****yourself.com for details on the entire range.
To celebrate the launch of Ibiza Playboy, we are giving away a massive prize pack
worth $15 000 which includes a brand new Honda CBR 125R Motorcycle,
Apple Pro laptop 17 inch, a Playboy Ibiza fragrance pack and heaps more!
To be in the running to win this great prize, click HERE
..."
(mtv.com.au)
Morbyd
Moderator
Oh my god... that's not a joke!
"Ibiza by Playboy
Ibiza is a new fragrance inspired by heavenly nights on the island of Ibiza. Designers of the house had an aim to interpret the essence of intoxicating notes of the island where pleasure rules. Beautiful women, clubs, yachts and crazy parties are characteristic of the island which is one of the most exclusive places both for having rest and fun."
http://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Playboy/Ibiza-7519.html
russellventilla
Member
I was reading that and wondering where it was heading and what kind of punch line it could have....
now I feel sick.
weloveliam@space
Active Member
This actually made me chuckle 
The Pope
Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the papal blessing, he whispers, "Your eminence, we have an
offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church
if you change the Lord's Prayer from give us this day our daily bread'
to 'give us this day our daily coffee'."
The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the word of the
Lord it must not be changed."
"Well," says the Nescafe man, "We anticipated your reluctance. For this
reason, we will increase our offer to $300 million. All we require is
that you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily
bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee'.."
Again, the Pope replies, "That, my son, is impossible. For the prayer is
the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."
Finally, the Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect
your adherence to your faith, but we do have one final offer. We will
donate 500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great
Catholic church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us
this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee'.
Please consider it." and he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals. "There is some
good news," he announces, "and some bad news.....The good news is that
the Church will come into 500 million." "And the bad news, your Holiness?"
asks
a Cardinal.
"We're losing the Hovis Account"
The Pope
Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the papal blessing, he whispers, "Your eminence, we have an
offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church
if you change the Lord's Prayer from give us this day our daily bread'
to 'give us this day our daily coffee'."
The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the word of the
Lord it must not be changed."
"Well," says the Nescafe man, "We anticipated your reluctance. For this
reason, we will increase our offer to $300 million. All we require is
that you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily
bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee'.."
Again, the Pope replies, "That, my son, is impossible. For the prayer is
the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."
Finally, the Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect
your adherence to your faith, but we do have one final offer. We will
donate 500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great
Catholic church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us
this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee'.
Please consider it." and he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals. "There is some
good news," he announces, "and some bad news.....The good news is that
the Church will come into 500 million." "And the bad news, your Holiness?"
asks
a Cardinal.
"We're losing the Hovis Account"
