puppylover
Active Member
Q: What do you call a woman with no legs?
A: Fanny Walker
A: Fanny Walker
Friday's Crap Joke
- Thread starter puppylover
- Start date
madwhitegiant
New Member
I went to a yoga class last night and the instructor asked how flexible I was and I said well I can't do Mondays!! 
weloveliam@space
Active Member
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; It would taste better if you bought one at a time.'
The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.'
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same
way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars' in the bar notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.'
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then the light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
'Oh, no,' he says, 'Everyone is fine. It's me........I've quit drinking!'
When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; It would taste better if you bought one at a time.'
The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.'
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same
way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars' in the bar notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.'
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then the light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
'Oh, no,' he says, 'Everyone is fine. It's me........I've quit drinking!'
madwhitegiant
New Member
This bloke said to me, 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books!!
And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood!!
And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood!!
I
icebaer69
Guest
"...
Estás a favor del cierre de los ´after hours´ en las islas?
- Sí, totalmente de acuerdo.
- Creo necesaria una regulación, pero no como se ha llevado a cabo.
- No, no estoy de acuerdo.
- No puedo valorarlo.
Votar »
RESULTADOS ACTUALES
- Sí, totalmente de acuerdo. 54%
- Creo necesaria una regulación, pero no como se ha llevado a cabo. 23%
- No, no estoy de acuerdo. 22%
- No puedo valorarlo. 1%
..."
(diariodeibiza)
Estás a favor del cierre de los ´after hours´ en las islas?
- Sí, totalmente de acuerdo.
- Creo necesaria una regulación, pero no como se ha llevado a cabo.
- No, no estoy de acuerdo.
- No puedo valorarlo.
Votar »
RESULTADOS ACTUALES
- Sí, totalmente de acuerdo. 54%
- Creo necesaria una regulación, pero no como se ha llevado a cabo. 23%
- No, no estoy de acuerdo. 22%
- No puedo valorarlo. 1%
..."
(diariodeibiza)
weloveliam@space
Active Member
madwhitegiant
New Member
My Missus just got a job down the bowling club.
Tenpin I asked? She said no it’s permanent!
Tenpin I asked? She said no it’s permanent!
I
icebaer69
Guest
weloveliam@space
Active Member
jaycranney
New Member
Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It drove down the lane and turned into a field!
Thank you, I'm hear all night!
J
It drove down the lane and turned into a field!
Thank you, I'm hear all night!
J
matt collins
Active Member
Some animal related ones for ya...
How do you make a cat go woof???
Petrol and matches.
What has four legs and an arm???
A rottweiller.
What do you call four dogs and a blackbird???
The spice girls.
How do you make a cat go woof???
Petrol and matches.
What has four legs and an arm???
A rottweiller.
What do you call four dogs and a blackbird???
The spice girls.
neilly303
Active Member
Three sisters- Ann, Jan and Fanny have incredibly large feet- Ann size 10, Jan size 11 and Fanny size 15. One night Anne and Jan go out on a double date with two guys.
Standing in the pub one of the guys says to Ann and Jan 'Jesus you two have massive feet!'
'Yes' replies Ann. 'But you should see the size of our Fanny's!'
Standing in the pub one of the guys says to Ann and Jan 'Jesus you two have massive feet!'
'Yes' replies Ann. 'But you should see the size of our Fanny's!'
This bloke said to me, 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books!!
And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood!!
Tim Vine Lives
Z
zutalor
Guest
best joke ever