- After this we did what anyone would do in this situation. Yes, we went for a swim in the sea ? This was Daveys suggestion. He was still gurning his face off. Everyone was up for it so I thought I better go along too. Nothing really to report apart from it was freezing and it felt very refreshing. The girls were mainly laughing at Dave and his third degree gurns. A woman started shouting at us from the beach, we had swam quite far out. We quickly realised what she was trying to alert us about, there was a bloke grabbing some of our clothes and making off. I immediately swam for the shore but I noticed he stopped and threw something on the floor, before scarpering. Turns out he'd found Daveys phone. He'd brung a really old Alcatel phone out with him as a spare. He'd literally just got a brand new iphone a few weeks before the holiday, but it had some problems so he put it back into the shop for a repair, hence the temporary brick lol. This would be thief was probably ecstatic thinking he'd robbed some major swag, then really mortified to discover it was an absolute relic ?
- We were in a boozer on the strip one night down PDB. I can't remember the name of it, but it had girls dancing like strippers but they didn't actually get naked. We kept Davey on a tight leash in here lol. Anyway one of the lads came back from the toilet with a face like thunder. Told us some gay bloke had tried it on with him. I don't know what reaction he was expecting but we all burst out laughing at him. I think he instantly regretted telling us. We were saying things like 'oh I thought you were away a long time pal'. He made it worse for himself by obviously embellishing it a bit, saying this gay bloke was a 6 foot tall black muscly guy in a vest ? We spent the rest of the holiday getting easy bites from him, asking him what time his boyfriend was picking him up or if he was meeting him later ? he was snapping back every time lol. Our official holiday anthem ever since has been 'Careless Whisper' lol, we always request it whenever we can in a bar if he's out with us.
- Towards the end of the holiday some really young girls arrived at the hotel, from Leeds-Halifax. To me they seemed about 14 or something, but they were actually 18/19. We sort of took them under our wing for a few days. I warned off the two love rats not to fcuk around as I was a bit pissed off with them still for creating a shit atmosphere earlier on, and to be fair they didn't try anything. I had one daughter at the time and I think my parental instinct kicked in a little as these girls looked so vulnerable out here. Was quite funny listening to them winge on about school etc I had literally nothing to talk to them about lol. When they found out I was in the Army I suddenly became a fascination for them and they bombarded me with questions about Iraq and Afghanistan. I felt quite star struck or something and a little embarrassed to be honest, it wasn't something I generally mentioned or talked about back then. We caught up with them one night early doors down the Wezza. I think they were spurred on by our stories from the nights out earlier in the holiday that the lads had been sharing with them and had somehow got hold of some pills and decided to take them early in the night down the west end! Well it was blowing their minds and they were off the map ? One of them wasn't quite enjoying it though and was having some sort of panic/anxiety attack! We sat her down on a bench outside and got her some cold water to sip. Sat with her for about 3 hours and heard pretty much every single story from her whole life, my ears were fcuking bleeding lol. Her mates were still dancing in that bar at the bottom of the West End. We reunited them and they were all good, then we got a taxi ourselves off to Amnesia I think. The next day at the pool they were a bit sheepish, but in good spirits. The young girl for some reason thought that she was going to die that night, and that I saved her life ? She told everyone this! Fcuk knows, maybe it was an extreme experience for her and she'd had a sheltered upbringing. She still messages me now every month or so on facebook asking how I'm doing and asking about my daughters ? Shes bagged herself a rich boyfriend by the look of it, as they are always on fancy holidays around the world (pre Covid) but I don't think shes been back to Ibiza yet haha.
- Watching the sunset at Cafe Mambo!!! Why didn't I already know about this! My brother dragged us down there on the first night and we grabbed a bag of tinnies and took our spot on the rocks. Going to admit I wasn't too enthusiastic about this lovey dovey watching the sunset bollocks. I wasn't prepared for how awesome this was! I remember the DJ neabry playing 'Missing' by Everything But The Girl. The place was absolutely packed out. I think the hair on the back of my neck stood up.
- The hotel staff were really chill. I think as long as you weren't diving off the balconies or smashing the place up they generally let you crack on and enjoy yourself. However, we came back to the hotel one evening to find a bit of a commotion in the foyer and some heated conversations between the manager and a group of lads from Glasgow. They were a sound bunch of lads and I found out later what had happened. They bought a load of bottles of beer/lager at a nearby shop and decided to dunk them in their bathtub and fill it up with cold water to keep them chilled. They were heading out somewhere and thought that the water would warm up while they were out and their beer would end up warm. So they decided it would be a good idea to leave the plug half cracked and leave the cold tap running, so there was a constant stream of cold water on thee booze. well, apparently the labels went all mushy in the water and slide off the bottles and ended up blocking the plug. The water overflowed and started coming through the ceiling on the room below ? The manager was bloody fuming!
- We were walking up to the West End one night when a car full of locals (I'm assuming) came cruising past blasting Spanish music. They were all hanging out of the windows and by the time I noticed what was happening we literally had no time at all to make a reaction. It looked like they had stole a load of squeezy kethchup bottles from a cafe and were doing a drive-by shooting at us! Once they'd sped off into the distance we realised by some miracle that they had totally missed us! Not a single drop! Couldn't say the same for a group of girls about 10 meters ahead. They got hit pretty badly, their hair and their clothes ? They sounded like Cockneys and they were raging! 'FAKKIN KANTS!!'
- Last night of the holiday we went to Amnesia as Calvin Harris was on, and pretty much everyone we had met so far was going to be there too. We went all out! Fcuk it, its the last night. I remember getting into a very tightly packed Amnesia to hear Clavin Harris playing what sounded like pop music ? Definitely not what I was expecting as I had just necked a full Orange Love Heart outside in the que, expecting to walk into some banging house tunes. Fcuk sake Calvin, I was literally minutes away from body popping and he's playing what sounded like a kids party album! My brother dragged us into the next room. Paul Van Dyk was on and the place was rocking ? He saved the night! This was another awesome night!
- I cut it really fine leaving Amnesia, I honestly didn't want it to end. I remember jumping in an illegal taxi driven by a Dutch kid, and he was driving ridiculously fast in a clapped out Golf. I'd lost most of the other lads and was slightly concerned. Found them all at the hotel and they were flapping big time as the coach was pulling in, all apart from Dave the Rave who's jaw was still half way around his head. We got some stern looks from the passengers on the coach for holding them up and causing loads of drama. I'd given up trying to shepherd the lads by now, 7 days of partying was kicking me squarely in the nuts at this point!
- The airport going home was horrible. Observed many people in an absolute state, ourselves included. We were all totally worn out and had a sleep on the cold floor. When we had checked in the lady handed all of our passports back to my brother. We made our way to the security check and he handed them out, but for some reason Daveys was missing. My brother just shrugged his shoulders and carried on walking. Davey was outraged and cried out 'Lads! What about me? I want to go home' and actually started crying and blubbing to himself ? (I swear on my daughters lives) Obviously my brother was only joking and gave him his passport back, which he had hidden in his back pocket all the time. Davey reckons to this day still that he was only pretending to cry ?. We couldn't face eating any food at the infamous Burger King so we all slept on the cold floor again next to our check in gate. One of the lads thought he heard our call so he woke us all up and we went and stood by the gate. Turns out he'd misheard it and it wasn't our flight. he got absolutely savaged by us for this, I think we channelled all of our sleepy anger into him. Totally uncalled for, sorry mate ?. The flight home was the polar opposite to the flight out. Total silence. I bet the cabin crew laugh at everyone on these return journeys.
Nice to see people from Newcastle here. I had a few weekend trips to Newcastle before I got to West End in San Antonio for the first time. So imagine my surprise and shock when I went into a side street from the rather quiet Passeig de la Mar and felt like I have been teleported onto Bigg Market on a busy Saturday night. Well, except that the ladies were wearing a little more clothes ?
Happy Birthday @AntonioGeordio!
Mate, cracking up at some of these stories - we've all been there in at least some of the scenarios, poor dave! Happy belated birthday and thanks for the laughs! Hopefully our paths cross on the white isle one day.Ibiza chewed us up and spat us out. It's a week I'll never forget and I know it sounds corny as fcuk but I genuinely believe it changed my life.
I got home to an empty house and tipped my bag out.
When my lass came in we were really happy to see each other.
I think the first thing she asked was 'Did Davey pull?'
'No did he fcuk' lol
Followed by 'Where's all your t shirts gone?' as she started going through my clothes for the washer.
'Oh, long story' ??
I then spent the next week telling her about all the crazy shenanigans we'd been up to. I thought she wouldn't be really interested, but I think she absorbed how awesome I made it sound and before long I was taking her out for a long weekend. I was really hoping it would have the same effect on her as it did with me. I'm happy to report Ibiza worked its magic on her too!
I've been back every year since, apart from 2015 when I snapped my tibia and fibula in a parachuting accident near Oxford.
Brings us up to 2020 and sadly looks like I will miss out this year due to reasons beyond my control. My hopes for the future is to take my daughters out there and let them experience the magic of the place, and also suddenly realise that I am actually a cool as fcuk Dad!
Apologies, I said I was going to keep it short. I lied.
Today is actually my birthday too. I've made it to the grand age of 37. True to form its torrential rain in Newcastle today and if I hear the words lockdown or coronavirus one more time I think I'm going to have a mental breakdown.
If you've read this far I apologise again for boring you to death.
All the best Spotlight crew ?
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