Boats, bars, beaches & babes [31st July-1st August 2012]

[kimajy]

Prelude to a splurge


This was as impulsive a trip as any I have ever made. Had only just moved towns a week ago, and back into a house rather than a flat again when I'm working away from home in Devon . The move, however, during the only heatwave of the Summer so far, has pretty much undone any sense of well-being from my last trip away .

Some tough issues have had to be addressed too. I'm just back from Wales this evening having helped a member of my family whose circumstances have changed part with a pet which after 10 years can no longer be given a proper quality of life . It's a bit like losing a member of the family... but it's definitely the best thing for the animal which is all that matters in the end.

It's now about 11pm and after the traumas today I'm desperate for a decent night out . But it's Monday and a long time to go before that's on the cards... and so it came about again. Cocoon will be warming up about now – I know I won't make that (it's not my favourite night anyway) .. but it's the eve of the peak season madness and there are always parties worth going to in Ibiza – every night of the week. A beer seals the deal . Flight booked for 5.40am from Gatwick – it's the soonest I can possibly get over to the island, and only seven hours (and 130 miles) away.

It's chaos and I've an appointment in London on Wednesday afternoon I have to be back for . That gives me 24 hours. Worth it ? I think that can be taken as a given and my return flight is booked too - for Wednesday morning.

Hotel Gran Sol in Es Calo d'es Moro miraculously has a room free being offered through a last-minute website for 50Euros a night. At this time of year, that's a steal. The car's going to be nearly 100Euros for the day for a Seat Ibiza from Atesa. Avis want 178Euros for a tiny Fiat for 24 hours. Truly shocking – there seems to be a shortage of hire cars on the island this year, or companies are trying to discourage 1-2 day hires and the price escalations are eye-watering.

Massive business opportunity for someone going on here – the market needs to be corrected urgently and the companies on the island right now must be laughing all the way to the bank . For someone like me, who comes regularly, this sort of racketeering is quite sickening actually – but I've made my mind up I'm going ... and I want a car so I've no choice but to pay .

The drive to Gatwick is through driving rain along a route I've never travelled before. Thankfully, by the time I get there the rain has stopped. I'm using the long stay - the short stay parking is a crazy price now. I've about 40 minutes left before take-off by the time I get to Departures. It's hand-luggage for me too – even I can manage that for a day (just !), but there will be no towel and no swimming fins in the luggage this trip !

Sleazyjet is as basic as ever – and the flight's completely full. I spend 2 hours trying to switch off from the cringingly canoodling couple sat next to me . Love's young dream is all well and good but wait till you get there ffs – it's really bad form to do that on a row of 3. I'm clearly going to have to stop thinking it's still early Season and work my mind around embracing the inevitable High Season irritations that are bound to follow.

 

[kimajy]

Sanity returns

Landing early, I avoid a queue at the car hire desk and this time my little white Diesel Seat Ibiza key is handed to me in the terminal 8). I am definitely going to miss those Citroen C4 stereos but other than that it's more than fine for what I need. I'm really quite disoriented as usual and manage to lose the car key for about 10 minutes in the car park after re-arranging my stuff . Turning everything I have upside down twice, I finally find the key – in the ignition . Big deep breath ... and a long drink of water ... then it's off to start my next adventure. Focus on the road now - and think right !!!

I haven't chartered a boat for a couple of years and really fancy making the most of my short time here this trip. Sent a hasty message to Mamboats with my contact number before I left on the off-chance they had a boat going spare today at some point. It's about 9.45am by the time I reach my first stop but so far no word from them. Seeing as their published day charters go from 10.30am I pretty much write off any chance of a hire today .

So it's straight into the lukewarm waters of the beautiful Med from a virtually deserted Soul Beach (Playa Es Codolar) virtually at the end of the airport runway. It's ages since I've been here – but I like it. The old Macao Cafe isn't open at this hour, but some dog-walkers are about enjoying the peace and quiet.

A little after 10am I return to the car feeling envigorated and inspired 8). There's not a cloud in the sky and I'm so pleased to have so much left of the day to enjoy . My phone beeps at me – I have a message ... from Mamboats. Give them a call to discuss options – only want the boat from about mid-day to 4pm and we agree a deal for a minimum hire price as there's a boat idle ‘till the Sunset cruise . I can have up to 6 people on the boat for the price we agree.

Likelihood is most people I know and would love to have along will still be asleep (or hard at work) ... and a quick check confirms my assumptions ! Shame really but that's the thing with last-minute plans ... you just have to go with the flow, and use the opportunity to forge some new friendships.

Decide to head to Playa d'en Bossa to catch up with Nostrum (who will no doubt be up and working) ... and when I call on pulling in at Space car park, he is. Unfortunately he can't take time off to come out on the boat. The harsh reality of having a job in Ibiza in the Summer – you really struggle to find the time to take time out to enjoy yourself outside of work, no matter what's on offer.

Quick drink and a chat ... and decide to meet Spotlight's Jordan (who's able to take some time out and we have mutual friends off this forum). Turns out she's sharing an apartment with a couple of the guys who captain the Mamboats Mastercrafts, so should all work out very well. I've chartered boats on my own several times before but it's even better to have some good company.

So I bid my farewells to Nostrum (always a pleasure to meet up) and head off to San Antoni to rendez-vous with the boat concierge at Cafe Mambo. The traffic is truly hideous getting in to San Antoni from the Ronda and after failing to find parking near any ATMs, parking by Mambo, waiting for a credit card machine and dealing with all the paperwork, it's around 12.40pm by the time we finally meet up to board and get underway. Hey ho – at least I made it and there's still just under 3 ½ hours, which is plenty.

We're taking ‘Sapphire' out today. The boat's lovely. Captain Henry and 1st officer Ryan made us four. Mamboats newbie Liv, just arrived from UK, came along for the ride too. I guess that was 3 crew to 2 guests. Maybe a little over the top in fairness !!! Just as well I'm pretty easy-going, innit ?

Ryan - on Sapphire

A tasty front end ... (... and the rear's not too bad either )

Hope you don't mind Jordan .... but wanted to include this

As we pull out of the harbour I've already hit my “been up for 30 hours” mark. . But the hot sun, blue sky and beautiful sea melt away all fatigue and I feel great. It's such a luxury for me to be driven and to have someone else take all the strain and responsibility for once – takes a little while for it to sink in that I have nothing to do but sit here and enjoy myself.

 

[kimajy]

A bit of sport

We pull up in a little bay just along from Cala Bassa, where it's reasonably sheltered – and there's a chance of doing some watersports. There's one humongous messy wake on this boat (and would really benefit from a wedge) plus there's no wakeboard tower (though it's high enough out of the water that the ski-pole gives you a bit of a lift, enough for a very experienced rider to get some ‘pop'). You need a really long line to get out into the useable wake zone.

Constructively, if Mamboats are serious about offering their boats out to wakeborders they could do with investing in a couple of decent handles with non-stretch Spectra lines (rope has far too much stretch although it's fine for water-ski-ing) – and maybe getting a small modification which allows an extendable ski-pole . I'd take my board next time though – the wake was miles better than any other boat I've ever managed to rent on the island, even without a wedge, and would be worth it (first time I've ever said that ! 8)).

I go out for a first ride on their beginner board with universal bindings – taking up to size 10-11 feet ! So it's very ‘slidey' for my size 7s , which isn't the end of the world – just means the tendons round your ankles take an absolute hammering controlling it – and it's very hard to build an edge to jump, especially with the sea chop which steals your line tension all the time . Still – managed to stay up for my first set, which was great, and shook me out of my fatigue back into ‘active' mode very successfully !

Next up was Jordan. Can't imagine trying to get up for the first time behind a monster of a boat like that, with such a long line . She made a sterling effort tho' and I'm pretty sure will be up and riding in no time ! 8)

Next Ryan had a go – I threw down my camera to shout instructions after his first 2 attempts unfortunately ... as he got up and riding by the end of his set 8) after being body-dragged enough to swallow half of Cala Bassa ... and would have been great to have had the proof !

Couldn't resist but give Henry a go as Ryan took the helm (in truth as much to give myself more of a chance to recover enough to take on a 2nd set !). He rode really well in that wind and chop 8) 8) 8), which was up quite a lot by now and loads of boats crossing the bay generating cross-wakes. Managed to take a vid of this. I edited out the epic crash at the end .... (had a couple myself trying in vain to nail a wake-to-wake jump later so no shame at all !).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03SIgZKVThY

Feeling just about rested enough for another set, had another go. Rode much better this time – though in those conditions I reckon you need a sign on the boat which says “Man Up” to spur you on to ride as aggressively as you possibly can. It's f***ing hard work on the sea !

OK icey - here you go ... just to put you out of your misery and cure your curiosity - this pic was taken on my camera without my knowing and it's far enough away for me not to worry too much

Discovered a vid of my epic crash on my camera (Liv took it on the quiet, I think !) when I failed to build an edge completely for a jump and mis-timed standing tall completely. Gonna make an exception to my own rule and put it up as it's actually really funny and long-distance :


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VErVMKbGOgo

 

[kimajy]

A bit of snorkelling and freediving

The water was really clear in the bay so we also indulged in a bit of snorkelling and freediving 8). I took my own mask and snorkel out in my handluggage, but the boat carried some too, so there were enough to go around 8).

This is my first trip this year without a suitcase and my diving fins. So the first time I needed to borrow / use a pair. Another little constructive suggestion for Mamboats ... rather than only carry one pair of fixed-size swimming fins (size UK 8) on an equipment-supplied hire, why not get in some with adjustable straps which will do for most foot sizes ? It really helps to have them when you dive down in deeper spots - they're just impractical to bring out on short trips and punters often don't have time to go shopping for things like that .

In any case, we just did without and was actually fine as there wasn't much distance to swim and the maximum depth for diving couldn't have been more than 30-40 feet . Found a deep swim-through ledge by chance near the rocks at the edge of the bay – dived down and swam through it looking for lobsters ... but unfortunately was out of luck . It was on the right hand side as you look at the middle of the bay from the sea. I'm not sure how deep it was but took 2 pressure equalizations to get down there and almost a third as you hit the bottom of the bay .

Lots of fish around near where the boat was anchored ... nice clear water too. Took a little video of them from the surface and dived down to follow them to the sea grass at the bottom of the bay

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lj9LzWjnKkA

It was time to move on. We had between an hour and 1 ½ hours left and I wanted to go along the coast North of San Antoni towards Benirras. ... think everyone was a bit knackered by now and glad of a bit of boat-cruising

Actually, I reckon Ryan was more knackered than most

... but we head to the beautiful site of ses Margalides

 

[kimajy]

Awesome rocks and coast

Ses Margalides is an amazing place and a real favourite with divers. As I dive off the boat and get thrown my mask, I'm immediately struck by an amazing phenomenon. The water's an intense deep blue here, and looking down it seems like shafts of sunlight are emerging from the deep all around you . Quite beautiful. 8) I'm kicking myself for not going back for my camera in retrospect. Just clean forgot all about it by this stage .

Around the ‘other' side of the rocks (as you approach from San Antoni) Ryan shows us a swim-through between the rock walls, submerged just below the surface of the water, which is really great. It's about a 10-second breath hold so really accessible . You can use the top of the crevasse to push yourself down to start the swim too, if you want or need to (would help if you don't have fins and aren't comfortable getting yourself down to a lower depth before you start). Just watch the sides and use the roof instead as there are numerous black urchins on the walls near the surface.

I really want to jump this rock.. but I've no shoes and the exit from the water is over razor-sharp coral deposits and will definitely slice my feet open if I try barefoot. Jordan's already had a little taster scraping her foot on the side of the crevasse during the swim through (it gets much wider if you dive down a bit more) – but is stoically throwing it off like a pro !

We've just about time to take in one more bay for a look-see before heading home.

We head on to Cala d'en Sardina. It's hardly deserted – there are loads of boats here today.

I'm glad we went where we did earlier – would definitely have carried on if we'd come here first. But it's a lovely spot there's no denying it.

... and the cliffs of ses Balandres as we turn back towards San Antoni are stunning.

I reckon we're all pretty chilled out by the time we head back into port.

Really enjoyed this trip and was a nice way to meet some new people 8). Must just remember to take my own CDs next time ... ‘Save the World' on the final cruise home was pretty much the only thing which clashed with the natural beauty of the coast and an otherwise pretty perfect outing .

Bid my farewells and head off to start the rest of my day ... though it's already about 4.30pm by the time I get back to my car beside Cafe Mambo.

 

[stephen]

it's true. you learn something new every day. i thought spotlight's jordan was a boy.

 

[icebaer69]

... I spend 2 hours trying to switch off from the cringingly canoodling couple sat next to me .
Love's young dream is all well and good ... do that on a row of 3 ...

did you have the seat in the middle
why didn´t you join in the battle

 

[icebaer69]

...OK icey - here you go ...

... Gonna make an exception to my own rule and put it up ...

 

[diver]

You are officially the master of candle burning at both ends.

 

[Ikoda]

Enjoyed the read.

How much was the boat? We are looking at hiring out a boat next year ourselves - imagine it to be quite expensive though!

 

[Barnett08]

What a rubbish start to your getaway

Seriously, i love reading these reviews but makes the week at work seem even more unbearabley mundane than normal! MUST WIN LOTTERY!!!!

 

[Johnny Vodka]

Really impressed and inspired by your ability to go it alone (& make friends with random people).

My upcoming trip to Ibiza will be my first solo holiday for years - bit nervous, but also looking forward to the total freedom! 8)

 

[Bettty]

Well I wasnt expecting to see another review from you so quickly....love it

 

[Rebecca G]

A great read...indeed.

 

[kimajy]

Got completely waylaid today. Continuation deferred !

it's true. you learn something new every day. i thought spotlight's jordan was a boy.

... the view from the villa must be getting overgrown

did you have the seat in the middle
why didn´t you join in the battle

No - I was at the window ... she was in the middle, a bit of a minger ... and he had an enormous hairdo. Not quite the sort of setup you'd choose for reaffirming your vows to the Mile High Club

How much was the boat? We are looking at hiring out a boat next year ourselves - imagine it to be quite expensive though!

I'll send you a PM tomorrow Ben - when I've had a chance to look at my credit card statement !

Really impressed and inspired by your ability to go it alone (& make friends with random people).

My upcoming trip to Ibiza will be my first solo holiday for years - bit nervous, but also looking forward to the total freedom! 8)

You're gonna have such a great time, JV. You never have to go anything alone in Ibiza - unless you want to 8).

 

[Hywel]

You're gonna have such a great time, JV. You never have to go anything alone in Ibiza - unless you want to 8).

I can confirm this.

Another great write up, Spotlight should dedicate a sticky thread to reviews like this. It's better than most travel guides.

 

[kimajy]

Decide to go check in to Hotel Gran Sol, seeing as it's so close by and there's never a ‘good time' to have to go and see to one's alleged needs ! I'm struck by the impatience and lack of manners of some of the younger guests ahead of me checking in, and flying through from the computer room demanding help with a printer . The front desk are doing a great job of remaining polite – but it must be very wearing coping with this all day .

I'm given the same room as I had the last time – Room 101. Have a quiet chuckle to myself as images of Paul Merton, Frank Skinner - and George Orwell - come flooding into my head . There's a large sit-out balcony with table and 2 chairs (which thankfully locks properly given it's adjacent to a flat roof of potentially dubious security and overlooks the filling station), twin beds, a fridge, fan/aircon and a nice enough bathroom. Really was a steal at 50Euros for the night in peak season ! 8)

The electricals all get a charge as I take a welcome shower and make it on-line again (the wifi reaches the room, which is always a bonus when you want to work off the power supply) . Make contact with McRackin to arrange to hook up a bit later, and get some info on what's on around and about (thanks !) 8).

I'm not a great fan of hanging around hotels in Ibiza and I'm relieved to get out and about again. It's hot ... damned hot (33 degrees hot in fact )

Still cashless and running low on fags already. Head off to Kumharas in the Bay to see if the lunchtime barbecue is still on.. but it isn't and they aren't serving food off the main menu until 7pm . Absolutely starving, I wind up walking about 3 blocks to the nearest ATM (really should have done this at the airport :x !) and manage to grab a carton at the Tabac before throwing myself on the mercy of the little Spanish restaurant just next door (up the road) from Kumharas, called Moskorra (thanks McRackin !).

I was brought a half-roast chicken, falling off the bone, with chips, salad and a beer for the princely sum of 7 Euros . Absolute bargain, really tasty and a very friendly bunch. It was far better for me than pecking at a plate of sushi to be honest, especially after all that exercise earlier

It's a complete myth that you can't eat decently and cheaply in Ibiza. Of course if you go to touristy venues or want fancy presentation you'll pay for the privilege. But the restaurants catering to local residents are really good .. and simple hearty food is available for a very cheap price even in high season if you just look around.

Kumharas is filling up and Paco Fernandez is kicking off the music but I'm kind of ‘done' with being here right now. More to the point I've a plan to take the bull by the horns and see for myself what Ocean Beach Club is really like ... so I can judge from personal experience and not hearsay or speculation ! So stop off at a mini-supermarket on the way to get some drinks for later and head back towards Port d'es Torrent.

It's far too short notice for guestlists and the 35 Euro entry fee for their big Tuesday Deepflight party is something of a barrier to be overcome for a look around Ocean Beach Club. After a few enquiries and a little ‘casing', I manage to blag my way in for free . Not saying how – that's going to remain a secret !

First impressions ? It's busy and just getting going as punters are tiddly enough to start dancing as well as lounging around.

It's definitely very ‘Marbella'.... and very ... Orange ! Not sure whether the fake tans or the Widow Cliquot inspired the colour scheme ... or it's all just a co-incidence ! In the daylight, features which probably look good at night (such as the dancers/models on funfair-type aerial rides) look rather tacky . It's a perfect microcosm of a plastic society (not dissimilar to the kind you see, perhaps at its most raw and unpalatable, in parts of Dubai ) – only here you even have fake grass.

My general feeling is that the happiness of many people here is directly proportionate to how much attention they are being paid by others . They're relishing being looked at far more than looking at others.... which when you think about it could leave many a little unfulfilled – as there are only so many ‘lookers' inside to service the ‘looked at' !

Ocean Beach Club have a solution for this, of course.... in the form of barriers adjacent to a wall between the club and the Esplanade which are low enough for passers-by to stand on and gawp at the bikini and trunks-clad cast wiggling and strutting their stuff inside, whilst focusing their lenses on the pool . A bit like the concept of a zoo really, when you think about it ! The result ? Happy exhibitionists on the inside with a line-up of spectators on the outside .

Genius in its own way really ... after all, what would be the point of spraying champagne over each other as you frolick around your day bed if there's no line-up of covetous voyeurs outside to look at you whilst you're doing it But I digress ...

The bar staff here come across as (prettied up) hard-nuts, jaded by prolonged exposure to wanton excess . There is one little island of class in the middle of this sea of nouveau riche tack .. the little clothing pavilion near the massage gazebo. There's some classy ladies' beachwear in amongst the clothes on sale here and you really get a feel for the scale of the place from this corner of the site.

In fact, it would be great to see some of it on more of the club's punters rather than the gear they've chosen to parade about in. Co-incidentally, I just noticed a piece on it here :
http://www.ibiza-spotlight.com/night/reviews/2012/the_fashionable_ocean_beach_club_i.htm

But moving on ....
I don't last longer than about 15 minutes inside before I'm ready to get out . Went in with an open and curious mind .. and came out with all the answers I need .

The banner mounted on the adjacent building announces Ocean Beach will extend beyond the club and Pearl restaurant to incorporate a hotel, although it isn't open yet and will be something for next Season if all goes well. The whole thing smacks of a rip-off of the Ushuaia concept – except there's no architecturally significant main stage (or sandy beach) and there's just too much lacking for this to be in any way in the same category.

As far as the music is concerned, it was good . Funky without being cheesy and clearly getting the dancers and stoked-up punters going on the dancefloor beneath the suspended tube of what resembled miniature ice canons.

Thankfully, you can hear the music very well sat outside on the little benches on the Esplanade, where McRackin and I hook up and enjoy an altogether more beautiful vista 8) :

It really is a lovely spot here and as you look out across the palm-tree lined Esplanade and across the bay... I can't help but reaffirm my feeling that despite the new arrival alongside us San Antoni is a really attractive place and if you can look beyond it, no amount of isolated tack or sleaze seems to be able to take this attractiveness away from it 8).

You can't get anything with this feeling in Playa d'en Bossa. Chatting and watching the stream of progressively more wasted groups of punters staggering out of the club, the mood changes as night falls from merry to increasingly wasted Guys skinning up on the wall, girls tottering to their cars in bikinis and heels, and other Ocean Beach Club punters striding out in their posses, giving each other drunken or coked-up piggy-backs and littering the sea with drinks cups they brought out with them ( ) as they go. Apart from the more expensive beachwear in evidence, one could almost be round ... Linekers !

It's been a good evening so far all in all – and a nice spot for sunset and a chat .... on the ‘other' side of the barriers ! The (free) music has provided a good soundtrack as we've had Paul Lomax, Oliver Lang and The Shapeshifters to take us up to moving-on time. But although I've enjoyed the luxury of the boat earlier today, still don't feel I've “connected” with the real Ibiza yet in the way I always look forward to when coming here - something still seems to be missing from how I usually feel after my daytime activities.

Reckon there has been too much crafted at the hand of man between me and the island itself and I've had no ‘daytime' alone in the more natural parts of the island (love spending time with others but it's these times alone, even as little as a couple of hours, when I usually get my true ‘spiritual' island fix 8) !). With night already upon us and being scheduled to fly home at 10.30am tomorrow, I'll admit to feeling a little short-changed . Which probably sounds ridiculous and says more about how crazily high my expectations of what this place can deliver in a day have become

Check my phone and have a message from earlier ... my meeting in London tomorrow has been postponed . It's like an answer to a prayer and after about 10 seconds of contemplation it's obvious that if I can get a later flight home, I will . So we head off to meet my laptop and wifi at Gran Sol ... and to see what can be done ! I'm trying very hard (well, in vain actually) not to get too excitable yet at the prospect of a possible extension - if it's too astronomic I won't be able to justify the cost - but my heart's going a flutter and the way I'm feeling I may as well have won the lottery

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZYa_KfLTtM

 

[Johnny Vodka]

Eastenders music required after each cliffhanger.

 

[McRackin]

I think it's called Moscovskya .. (kicking myself for not writing it down to be sure!)

moskorra

 

[Johnny Vodka]

Will The Girl with the Coral Dress make an apperance in the next instalment