Just like that he slapped me across the face with his penis. Just once. But it knocked me back a few steps. It was like being struck by a wet kipper. No one could believe what they saw! Can you imagine how embarrassing it is to be smacked across the face with a 14″ pork sword in front of your team mates? It was the worst moment of my life. No one said anything for what seemed like an eternity, the silence was only broken when Ashley Cole asked “Is it my turn?” It was then I knew I had to leave. When Wenger found out what he’d done he merely high fived him and shouted “And that’s why he’s the captain. POW! Look at that thing!”
So did Vieira intentionally strike Anelka? Or was Arsene evading the question to protect his former captain?
“Well let’s put it like this. I think if he intentionally struck Anelka round the face with it, and really followed through, then he wouldn’t be around to write an autobiography. If you catch my drift. Unless he wrote it in a Stephen Hawkins, one button at a time with his nose, sort of way. So yeah it was an accident and Anelka should grow up. And that’s the last I’m saying on Penis Gate.”