My name is Dr Fox-Bauer, I work for CCCU, Counter Crap Club Unit. This story takes place on 8th March 2003, possibly the strangest 24 hours of my life....
I'd been looking forward to going to Ampersand all week and had not felt this excited about a night out for some time. Can't quite put my finger on why, perhaps it was due to it being billed as the most glamourous, funky house fueled night around. It was going to be the promised land.
Myself and my mate BeerMatt, made our way to Bar38 to meet Milo a mate from work. Due to last week's weekend of doom (a 3 day sesh), the unit was at it's bare minimum...the troops had dropped like flies. I digress. The house was pumping within the Bar - Backfired filled the air, Kronenbourg 1664 was being sunk at a rate of knots and there was plenty of eye candy ahoy! Alas, we had a date with Twisted Elegance and had to make our way to the club. As it opens at 10.30pm, we got there about 11ish to make sure we didn't have to wait in the drizzell. Outside the club there was no queue and all looked good. 2 bouncers stopped us and asked us to wait. 4 lads joined us in the queue. It was then that I heard those immortal words eminating from the opening door "...guest list". As soon as I heard them, I felt my gut wrench. A gimp with a clipboard came out of the club asked us how many were in our party and then proceeded to look us up and down. Baring in mind that we had pants, shoes, shirts and had scrubbed up well...."Sorry lads, not tonight, you can't come in. You are too casual," the gimp proclaims. Now I'm not one for keeping quiet in situations like this and am usually quite vocal when i regard somebody as taking the p1ss. However on this occasion, i was that bewildered I couldn't speak and walked off flabbergasted. (I still feel disgusted with myself, it's so unlike me to not say even a word....)
Whilst standing about in shock, BeerMatt suggests we go to Holy City Zoo at the hanger, so we jump in a taxi, who takes us up the road to the Hanger, where the Zoo is situated. Only he drops us off on the corner and drives off. We walk round the bend and I instantly notice that the Hanger is boarded up and the street is like a ghost town....cue tumbleweed. Now i'm mad, but we thought , we won't let this spoil out night and headed for Revolution on Oxford Rd, stopping off at Krome bar for a swift pint on the way.
Revolution was on fire, a young kid on the decks was having the tiime of his life spinning the tunes and things were looking up. We decide to head for Funkademia around the corner after half an hour as we wanted to go to a club. Queued up again and entered what I can only describe as hell on earth....although hell isn't that hot! It was full of the weirdest people i have ever had the misfortune to meet, along with a 70's James Brown inspired funk theme tune. We bought 1 can each, drank it as fast as we could (I felt like pouring it over my head in desperation). Sack this, we beat a hasty retreat out in to the cold air...what a sh1thole.
Next stop Venus, at least we knew what we'd get in there, as it was our home-from-home. Unfortunately we realised Elemntal was just up the road and made a decision to go there instead. It's fair to say our entrance doubled the contingent already in the club.....
and that included the bar staff. Only joking, there was about 30/40 people in max. At least we could get to the bar ok. We had cut our losses and decided to set-up basecamp for the night. Although it was quiet, the two sisters on the deks in the main room played to the crowd as if their lives depended on it. I heard some tracks I'd never heard before and was literally gobsmacked (twice in one night???) by the quality that blazed across the dance floor. The Dj's played their set just like the young kid in Revolution, with a passion that was really refreshing. Danced for 4 hours solid and escaped just before the Venus afterparty revellers turned up at 4am. It was time to leave as soon as i nearly fell over some guy who was lying on his back in the corridor, lights out, only to be whipped from his slumber by 2 gorillas and escorted to the rear entrance......what a night.
Oh by the way did I tell you, Ampersand probably the finest house club I've never been to....did have a groovy front door though!
I'd been looking forward to going to Ampersand all week and had not felt this excited about a night out for some time. Can't quite put my finger on why, perhaps it was due to it being billed as the most glamourous, funky house fueled night around. It was going to be the promised land.
Myself and my mate BeerMatt, made our way to Bar38 to meet Milo a mate from work. Due to last week's weekend of doom (a 3 day sesh), the unit was at it's bare minimum...the troops had dropped like flies. I digress. The house was pumping within the Bar - Backfired filled the air, Kronenbourg 1664 was being sunk at a rate of knots and there was plenty of eye candy ahoy! Alas, we had a date with Twisted Elegance and had to make our way to the club. As it opens at 10.30pm, we got there about 11ish to make sure we didn't have to wait in the drizzell. Outside the club there was no queue and all looked good. 2 bouncers stopped us and asked us to wait. 4 lads joined us in the queue. It was then that I heard those immortal words eminating from the opening door "...guest list". As soon as I heard them, I felt my gut wrench. A gimp with a clipboard came out of the club asked us how many were in our party and then proceeded to look us up and down. Baring in mind that we had pants, shoes, shirts and had scrubbed up well...."Sorry lads, not tonight, you can't come in. You are too casual," the gimp proclaims. Now I'm not one for keeping quiet in situations like this and am usually quite vocal when i regard somebody as taking the p1ss. However on this occasion, i was that bewildered I couldn't speak and walked off flabbergasted. (I still feel disgusted with myself, it's so unlike me to not say even a word....)
Whilst standing about in shock, BeerMatt suggests we go to Holy City Zoo at the hanger, so we jump in a taxi, who takes us up the road to the Hanger, where the Zoo is situated. Only he drops us off on the corner and drives off. We walk round the bend and I instantly notice that the Hanger is boarded up and the street is like a ghost town....cue tumbleweed. Now i'm mad, but we thought , we won't let this spoil out night and headed for Revolution on Oxford Rd, stopping off at Krome bar for a swift pint on the way.
Revolution was on fire, a young kid on the decks was having the tiime of his life spinning the tunes and things were looking up. We decide to head for Funkademia around the corner after half an hour as we wanted to go to a club. Queued up again and entered what I can only describe as hell on earth....although hell isn't that hot! It was full of the weirdest people i have ever had the misfortune to meet, along with a 70's James Brown inspired funk theme tune. We bought 1 can each, drank it as fast as we could (I felt like pouring it over my head in desperation). Sack this, we beat a hasty retreat out in to the cold air...what a sh1thole.
Next stop Venus, at least we knew what we'd get in there, as it was our home-from-home. Unfortunately we realised Elemntal was just up the road and made a decision to go there instead. It's fair to say our entrance doubled the contingent already in the club.....
and that included the bar staff. Only joking, there was about 30/40 people in max. At least we could get to the bar ok. We had cut our losses and decided to set-up basecamp for the night. Although it was quiet, the two sisters on the deks in the main room played to the crowd as if their lives depended on it. I heard some tracks I'd never heard before and was literally gobsmacked (twice in one night???) by the quality that blazed across the dance floor. The Dj's played their set just like the young kid in Revolution, with a passion that was really refreshing. Danced for 4 hours solid and escaped just before the Venus afterparty revellers turned up at 4am. It was time to leave as soon as i nearly fell over some guy who was lying on his back in the corridor, lights out, only to be whipped from his slumber by 2 gorillas and escorted to the rear entrance......what a night.Oh by the way did I tell you, Ampersand probably the finest house club I've never been to....did have a groovy front door though!
