23 Aug - 31 August 09 - First Timer
Ok, so I'm 40 years old and never been to Ibiza, always been meaning to but you know...anyhow this year since I'm half way there thought me and a mate would solve the problem.
Sun 11am - San Antonio
Arrive in the morning checked into the hotel in San Antoni, grab a pint and go get our bearings. Go into town and end up having a dirty late night in the West End and ripped off for all sorts of fake things, learnt the town layout, job done.
Mon - Tiesto @ Privilege
I was warned by my partner in crime that I wouldn't like what Tijs is doing these days, but no way, at 50 euros its got to be something special, surely?
Got there early and listened to some dull electro set for what seemed an eternity. When the man eventually arrived the audience went mental and he set off on an electro path himself. For a while I was getting worried about that money I'd spent funding his private jet I saw the day before at the airport. Then he mixed into LED "Let There Be Light", here we go I think....., but no we're back into electro???
I got a "told you so" and we went walking about taking in the club but keeping an ear on the music, some vain hope there. I got offered a "freestyle" by a Spanish guy, no idea what that is, but probably not my cup of tea. The visual effects at Privilege are just breathtaking; 3d laser images drawn in a waterfall that pours in front of the stage, a screen the size of which I've never seen before, dancing girls, certainly something to behold.
Our cue to leave was at about 6am when the electro went without warning into Kings of Leon, everyone beserked and waved their arms. We got an illegal taxi and a bag of Novacaine - ripped off again.
Tues - Armada @ Amnesia.
Markus Schulz is my favourite Producer/DJ. When I saw the Armada line up of Armin and Markus in the main room and Release Yourself/Roger Sanchez on the terrace I thought it had the makings of a good night.
Went to buy tickets at Itaca and saw that Markus was playing the Armada pre-party there, dream come true. After a few beers we went to Itaca only to be told that
Markus Schulz had missed his plane from Barcelona and wouldn't be at the club either, that was disappointing, really disappointing.
The Itaca house, House DJ (the guy with the hat) tries to stand-in for Markus and plays a bit of Cosmic Gate etc. twas ok but it wasn't Markus. We wait half hour for the free bus, it doesn't arrive so we and a couple of other Brits flag down a taxi and go it alone.
I'm not in the mood at this point, but we walk in and there on the balcony is Markus Schulz and the place is roaring. I didn't move from that spot for six hours. My mate took too much gas and got his wallet stolen but wouldn't have missed it for anything.
When the World's No 1 DJ came on I thought the gang of Italian lads near me were going to explode into epilepsy, one of them was in tears. Armin kicked out a really hard set, he can do it when people are up for it else he sometimes can get a bit vocal and dull. About an hour off the end Markus came back on to a massive cheer and there commenced a dual Armin/Schulz mix the likes of which has not before been heard on planet earth. My snowboarding friends would describe it as really "sick".
Didn't get to see Roger Sanchez on the terrace, there was too much going on in the main room. Those boys can mix.
Wed - Atomik @ BOHO.
Having been to a Tidy weekender and enjoyed it, I thought a bit of Hard House would go down well and the price was cheap. Rob Tissera was headlining and he's pretty bloody good, seen him before, thought we were onto a winner.
Turned up at the club in San An, very smart and good bar prices, smelled of paint, place was empty. Waited until about 2am to see if it would fill up but didn't so we left. Went down to Eden and Es Paradis and considered going in one of them but it was soooo towny, we might as well have been in Blackpool and no one could tell us what music was being played. Pop dance hits probably, so early bath. A girl who was selling tickets said that Hard House "had passed Ibiza by", whatever that means I don't know. shame.
Thurs - Cream @ Amnesia
We saw that Ferry was headlining, then a star studded cast of John O'callghan (who I'd seen and loved in June), Lange, Eddie Halliwell, Solarstone, it had to be done. I told a Cream rep. that I was looking forward to Lange cos I'd not seen him before. "Who is Lange?" she says. I found this happening quite a bit in the dance music capital, that an old man like me who is probably out of touch, has to explain to people who live and work in Ibiza music who these DJs are. If it's not Radio 1 or House music the eyes glaze over. We apparently broke the law by not going to see Pete Tong...not while I draw breath.
Anyhow, back to the plot. Great night, "peaked" a little early and did actually make it onto the terrace for a breath. There was a real big guy in a wheelchair who nearly tipped over when Ferry dropped "Radio Crash", well it was pretty good I must admit. I've never heard a sound system quite as good as that at Amnesia.
Friday - The big question
So what do we do on our last club night? We both want to see Sven Vath but it means going back to Amnesia again...we make the worst decision of the holiday and decide to go to Pacha in Ibiza Town.
I didn't realise how upmarket Ibiza Town is, how many Super Yachts do you need?
We get a Taxi into town, have a bit of a walk about then hit the six euro a pint bars. My mate gets talking to a Transvestite who tells us to go to Cocoon because its the last time in this format or something. She warns us that we will hate Pacha and we'll be ripped off. At least try El Divino she pleads, ha we think, what does an old tranny know??....quite a lot as it turns out.
This night they have Cassius and Justice playing, which according to my comrade who knows his music are fairly big names in house(?), at least Cassius had a hit once.
We pay our 45 euros entry, and they let us in (but I thought Pacha is for the Uber cool, how come we get in?).
Straight away we get onto the dance floor and we're probably moving too much for this music because if you happen to touch someone while dancing you get a dirty look from some Armani jeaned cretin with a stupid haircut. Most people aren't dancing, because it means you might spill your 30 euro cocktail.
We get billed 24 Euros for two bottles of San Miguel and go up into the "Funky Room", and then on into some terraces. There's more VIP areas than normal areas and very pretty rooms. Nice rooms, shame about the music, but we find Pacha aint about music, its about being seen.
With a bit of help we stick it out and annoy the beautiful people, and it gets to half six and some DJ starts playing Queen, "Radio GA Ga", then tries to mix it with an RnB track by crashing it badly together, the beautiful masses cheer...have they not noticed he keeps screwing the mix?
We Leave, and learn a great Ibiza lesson - Do what the transvestite says!!
Conclusion: we loved it, I wish the DJs at the Sunset Bars would be a bit more diverse. From my hotel pool I could hear them play the same tracks over and over. I know nothing about House but surely there's a lot more to that scene than 15 tracks? After the second day I gave up and turned on the IPod.
The only interesting set I heard was the last late night in Kanya, place was pretty dead and the DJ started playing back to back AnjunaDeep, I nearly choked. Perhaps that's too challenging for the daytime.
Sunsets, pretty good for Europe, but if you go to the Islands on the Thai-Cambodian border, now that's a sunset!
Next time I'll try and make Space, get to the Jazz Festival and take in a couple of good restaurants.
Question: why is Cafe Del Mar empty every evening?
Ok, so I'm 40 years old and never been to Ibiza, always been meaning to but you know...anyhow this year since I'm half way there thought me and a mate would solve the problem.
Sun 11am - San Antonio
Arrive in the morning checked into the hotel in San Antoni, grab a pint and go get our bearings. Go into town and end up having a dirty late night in the West End and ripped off for all sorts of fake things, learnt the town layout, job done.
Mon - Tiesto @ Privilege
I was warned by my partner in crime that I wouldn't like what Tijs is doing these days, but no way, at 50 euros its got to be something special, surely?
Got there early and listened to some dull electro set for what seemed an eternity. When the man eventually arrived the audience went mental and he set off on an electro path himself. For a while I was getting worried about that money I'd spent funding his private jet I saw the day before at the airport. Then he mixed into LED "Let There Be Light", here we go I think....., but no we're back into electro???
I got a "told you so" and we went walking about taking in the club but keeping an ear on the music, some vain hope there. I got offered a "freestyle" by a Spanish guy, no idea what that is, but probably not my cup of tea. The visual effects at Privilege are just breathtaking; 3d laser images drawn in a waterfall that pours in front of the stage, a screen the size of which I've never seen before, dancing girls, certainly something to behold.
Our cue to leave was at about 6am when the electro went without warning into Kings of Leon, everyone beserked and waved their arms. We got an illegal taxi and a bag of Novacaine - ripped off again.
Tues - Armada @ Amnesia.
Markus Schulz is my favourite Producer/DJ. When I saw the Armada line up of Armin and Markus in the main room and Release Yourself/Roger Sanchez on the terrace I thought it had the makings of a good night.
Went to buy tickets at Itaca and saw that Markus was playing the Armada pre-party there, dream come true. After a few beers we went to Itaca only to be told that
Markus Schulz had missed his plane from Barcelona and wouldn't be at the club either, that was disappointing, really disappointing.
The Itaca house, House DJ (the guy with the hat) tries to stand-in for Markus and plays a bit of Cosmic Gate etc. twas ok but it wasn't Markus. We wait half hour for the free bus, it doesn't arrive so we and a couple of other Brits flag down a taxi and go it alone.
I'm not in the mood at this point, but we walk in and there on the balcony is Markus Schulz and the place is roaring. I didn't move from that spot for six hours. My mate took too much gas and got his wallet stolen but wouldn't have missed it for anything.
When the World's No 1 DJ came on I thought the gang of Italian lads near me were going to explode into epilepsy, one of them was in tears. Armin kicked out a really hard set, he can do it when people are up for it else he sometimes can get a bit vocal and dull. About an hour off the end Markus came back on to a massive cheer and there commenced a dual Armin/Schulz mix the likes of which has not before been heard on planet earth. My snowboarding friends would describe it as really "sick".
Didn't get to see Roger Sanchez on the terrace, there was too much going on in the main room. Those boys can mix.
Wed - Atomik @ BOHO.
Having been to a Tidy weekender and enjoyed it, I thought a bit of Hard House would go down well and the price was cheap. Rob Tissera was headlining and he's pretty bloody good, seen him before, thought we were onto a winner.
Turned up at the club in San An, very smart and good bar prices, smelled of paint, place was empty. Waited until about 2am to see if it would fill up but didn't so we left. Went down to Eden and Es Paradis and considered going in one of them but it was soooo towny, we might as well have been in Blackpool and no one could tell us what music was being played. Pop dance hits probably, so early bath. A girl who was selling tickets said that Hard House "had passed Ibiza by", whatever that means I don't know. shame.
Thurs - Cream @ Amnesia
We saw that Ferry was headlining, then a star studded cast of John O'callghan (who I'd seen and loved in June), Lange, Eddie Halliwell, Solarstone, it had to be done. I told a Cream rep. that I was looking forward to Lange cos I'd not seen him before. "Who is Lange?" she says. I found this happening quite a bit in the dance music capital, that an old man like me who is probably out of touch, has to explain to people who live and work in Ibiza music who these DJs are. If it's not Radio 1 or House music the eyes glaze over. We apparently broke the law by not going to see Pete Tong...not while I draw breath.
Anyhow, back to the plot. Great night, "peaked" a little early and did actually make it onto the terrace for a breath. There was a real big guy in a wheelchair who nearly tipped over when Ferry dropped "Radio Crash", well it was pretty good I must admit. I've never heard a sound system quite as good as that at Amnesia.
Friday - The big question
So what do we do on our last club night? We both want to see Sven Vath but it means going back to Amnesia again...we make the worst decision of the holiday and decide to go to Pacha in Ibiza Town.
I didn't realise how upmarket Ibiza Town is, how many Super Yachts do you need?
We get a Taxi into town, have a bit of a walk about then hit the six euro a pint bars. My mate gets talking to a Transvestite who tells us to go to Cocoon because its the last time in this format or something. She warns us that we will hate Pacha and we'll be ripped off. At least try El Divino she pleads, ha we think, what does an old tranny know??....quite a lot as it turns out.
This night they have Cassius and Justice playing, which according to my comrade who knows his music are fairly big names in house(?), at least Cassius had a hit once.
We pay our 45 euros entry, and they let us in (but I thought Pacha is for the Uber cool, how come we get in?).
Straight away we get onto the dance floor and we're probably moving too much for this music because if you happen to touch someone while dancing you get a dirty look from some Armani jeaned cretin with a stupid haircut. Most people aren't dancing, because it means you might spill your 30 euro cocktail.
We get billed 24 Euros for two bottles of San Miguel and go up into the "Funky Room", and then on into some terraces. There's more VIP areas than normal areas and very pretty rooms. Nice rooms, shame about the music, but we find Pacha aint about music, its about being seen.
With a bit of help we stick it out and annoy the beautiful people, and it gets to half six and some DJ starts playing Queen, "Radio GA Ga", then tries to mix it with an RnB track by crashing it badly together, the beautiful masses cheer...have they not noticed he keeps screwing the mix?
We Leave, and learn a great Ibiza lesson - Do what the transvestite says!!
Conclusion: we loved it, I wish the DJs at the Sunset Bars would be a bit more diverse. From my hotel pool I could hear them play the same tracks over and over. I know nothing about House but surely there's a lot more to that scene than 15 tracks? After the second day I gave up and turned on the IPod.
The only interesting set I heard was the last late night in Kanya, place was pretty dead and the DJ started playing back to back AnjunaDeep, I nearly choked. Perhaps that's too challenging for the daytime.
Sunsets, pretty good for Europe, but if you go to the Islands on the Thai-Cambodian border, now that's a sunset!
Next time I'll try and make Space, get to the Jazz Festival and take in a couple of good restaurants.
Question: why is Cafe Del Mar empty every evening?
