who's the funniest man on spotlight

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NITEFLY

Active Member
Dave is walking along the street one day when he notices a man with an orange for a head walking along the other side. Puzzled, Dave crosses the street to enquire.
"Scuse me mate", he asks, "but do you mind me asking why you have got an orange for a head?"
"Sure", says Mr. OrangeHead. "I rubbed a lamp i found in the attic and a genie popped out granting me three wishes. So i thought for a minute and i quite liked the idea of being a millionaire, as its always been a struggle for me to make ends meet. So i asked the genie if this was possible".
"So what happened?", quizzed Dave.
"Well, sure enough, that Saturday night all of my numbers came up on the lottery and now i own millions".
"Great!", said Dave. "Im really pleased for you. What did you wish for next".
"Well", said the man with an orange for a head, "since me and my wife split i havent had much action, so i wished for the ten most beautiful supermodels in the world to come to my house and satisfy all my sexual fantasies".
"And did that come true", Dave asked.
"Yes", said the man with an orange for a head, "ten of them knocked on my door ten minutes after the wish and we were at it all night".
"Thats brilliant", exclaimed Dave, "i'm really pleased for you, but what on earth was your third wish?" he asks.
"I wished that i had an orange for a head".


beat that :P
 
Very Funny!

'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. '

Is it common? '

"It's not unusual."
 
Two Iraqi women meet in the street and one says to the other

"How is your little boy, I haven't seen him for a few days"

"Ah" she said "He became a martyr and blew himself up at an American Checkpoint yesterday"

"Oh" said the first woman "Kids eh! don't they blow up quick!"
 
Jam Man said:
Two Iraqi women meet in the street and one says to the other

"How is your little boy, I haven't seen him for a few days"

"Ah" she said "He became a martyr and blew himself up at an American Checkpoint yesterday"

"Oh" said the first woman "Kids eh! don't they blow up quick!"
Click to expand...

See also 'Does My Bomb Look Big In This' :lol:
 
NITEFLY said:
Dave..... edited for length
Click to expand...

Please explain that gag for me, unless it's one of those "like, it's sooo ToTtAllY RAnDoM that's why it's funny..."

(yet another post from Gurn I see ;) :? )
 
What do they sing at the alzheimers protest march??

"what do we want?
we dont know?
when do we want it?
what???"
 
this isn't really a joke but a true story, but funny as hell! happened to a mates friend.

Basically, it was this guys mother's 50th birthday, so for a joke him and his sister gave her a book called 'sex in the 21st century'. She was a little bemused, but thought it was quite funny and promised to read it.

Round the dinner table a few days later, when a couple of friends of this guy and his sister were present, the mother makes a statement about the book

'After reading that book you gave me, I never realised how open you guys were nowadays about sex'

'what do you mean mum?' said her son

'well, take fisting, back in the 70's I used to do a lot of fisting, but I never spoke about it amongst my friends'

The poor guy and his sister were mortified and had to explain to their mother that noone really spoke about it now either...
 
This one always go down well at El Boozer (a few in mind it has to be said!)

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious'.
Little Suzy, gets up and says,
"Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Suzy"
"Can anyone else try?"
Katie, stands up and says,
"My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie"
"Anyone else?"
Little Irish Sean jumps up and says
"Miss mi next door neighbour is painting his house with a two-inch brush and my Da says it will take the c@nt ages!!"
 
The Queen and Camilla were having a chat over a nice cup of tea.
Camilla: I always seem to get heartburn when Im giving Charles a Blow Job.
The Queen: Have you tried Andrews?
 
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