Parents. Make your child the envy of every other on your local housing estate by providing them with their very own pet dinosaur. Simply find a stray cat, glue Jacobs cream crackers onto its body to resemble 'armoured scales' and stapel or tie three biro pens to its head for horns.
Sex offenders. Avoid prison by taping a poster of Miley Cyrus to the wall of your bail hostel and focussing on this while thrusting your erect penis into the neck of a beer bottle.
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