Soooo funny!

L

Leese

New Member
How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to
lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice
stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a
pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo'
sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Wee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the
whole time.

Admire willy size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor,light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the
'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.
 
One of my men sent me this yesterday - How to Better Understand Men... :roll:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BECAUSE I AM A MAN

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle
with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in.
The AA is not an option. I will win.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will
pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm
looking at. If another man ! shows up, one of us will say to the
other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all
these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to
start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of
Holy Communion.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to
bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
You're a woman. Y ou never get as sick as I do, so for
you this isn't a problem.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I
know, these are the same thing. And never, under any
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which
"feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.


Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
_____________________________________________________!

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control
in my hand while I watch TV . If the thing has been misplaced,
I may miss an entire show looking for it (though one time I was
able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The answer is always either sex, cars or football.
I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have
your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or
think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got
her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.
And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn' t....
and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will
certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too.! Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
_____________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will
share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll
do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering
around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
_____________________________________________________

This has been a public service message for Women to better
understand the Male.
 
I'm sure every girl can relate to having the "woo-woo" move done at her :roll:

The sad thing is blokes think it's so funny and original :roll: :lol:
 
Reminds me of the following:

The Pefect Day

According to her:
8:45am Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00am 3kg lighter on the scales
9:30am Light breakfast
11:00am Sunbathe
12:30pm Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45pm Shopping
2:30pm Bump into boyfriend's ex & find that she has put on 20lbs
3:00pm Facial & massage
4:00pm Nap
7:00pm Candlelight dinner for 2, followed by dancing
9:00pm Make love
11:00pm Pillow talk in his big strong arms

According to him:
10:00am Wake up
10:02am Oral sex
10:10am Big breakfast
11:30am Drive up coast in Ferrari with gorgeous babe with big hooters
1:30pm Enormous lunch
2:20pm Oral sex
2:30pm Play sport with the guys
4:00pm Drink lots with the guys
6:40pm Meet Angelina Jolie
6:50pm Oral Sex
7:00pm Huge dinner, followed by more drinks with the guys
11:00pm Arrive home
11:05pm Full-on, get-down, gorilla sex
11:20pm Fall asleep
 
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