From www.ibiza-voice.com
IT'S TWISTED SISTER 3 ...the bitch is BACK! This time it's personal... again.
Did you know readers (and those of you just looking at the nice pictures) that the title of the fine film adaptation of Alan Bennet’s Play ’The Madness of King George III’ had to be changed for American markets because the test audiences were complaining that they had not seen the movies ’King George’ and ’King George 2’!!(true)
The Season is finally fully underway and all the club millionaires are breathing a sigh of relief. People are here and the tills are ringing their dull tune. The millionaires are like the polluters and corporations of the world breathing a sigh that the planets’s atmosphere is still here for another year. One year or five, one day it will end in disaster and everyone will wonder why(!). Every year the problem of customer numbers in Ibiza will get worse and the irony is the Disco Mafia every year close down clubs and put up prices and they are the ones who will suffer the most. They need to change or die. One day someone will open another location where our money goes a long way, with great clubs and a liberal attitude (don’t forget sunshine!) and we will all be there partying. Possibly the Greek islands, or maybe the coast of Yugoslavia. It’s not an impossible thought. I warn you. Greed is a terrible thing. The professional Gambler knows exactly when to stop and walk out with the money. When to reinvest and when to rest. Greed is the enemy of progress.
Sister’s insider advice? cap your crazy prices (I’m sorry but 50+ Euros for a night out before expenses?? I want to dance, not hire a prostitute!) get some new, fresh DJs and ease up the PPP’s crazy attitude. Change Ibiza into a hotel-based resort and curb the nightlife? are you insane?! why the f*** do you think people come here!! Hotels, Sun and cheaper prices are anywhere to be had all over the world. Why compete? The nightlife here is unique. Politicians! really! if a child of mine said "Mummy I want to be a politician", I’d have him adopted! Actually i’d hire a professional hit-nanny and get the job done properly.
Speaking of political attitudes, the World Corporation of Pacha is having it’s annual ’Awards’ soon. Don’t make me laugh! Go on, if you fancy a chuckle go to their website and look at the ’nominations’. Almost every ’catagory’ has a Pacha contender. Sometimes two or three. I wonder who will win? I wonder which democractic method they use to choose the nominations? I wonder who decides really?
Pacha has displayed it’s intent for global domination by putting a club on almost every street corner in the world! but the line ups this year are sad. Giant US and UK dinosaurs. BORING! Jurassic Disco. And don’t get me started on Morillo! I could do a whole page on the boy. Surely the most over-rated DJ in the world! Every tune an obvious, predictable and unadventurous choice and he can’t leave the controls alone for a second. He’s like a teenage boy with a bra-strap! he fumbles excitedly while us girls yawn. He might be a self-styled ’ladies man’ although he leaves this hot momma girl stone cold. It’s a good idea isn’t it!? tell everyone in interviews from day one that you are irresistable to women and arrange to have paid harlots in every photo with you and soon enough everyone believes you (I am a 7 foot tall farrah fawcett looking 1000 kilowatt man-magnet with a diamond encrusted pussy by the way...see!). If you are happy with gold-digging sluts then good luck boy. When the starlight starts to fade and you are left cold and loveless in the old DJ retirement home, you’ll be lonely because none of us good girls want you for your self-given ’reputation’, you’ll always have the memories and a nostalgic selection of diseases and genital warts. I’m sorry but I didn’t like his attitude but his ’DJing’ is the thing that really GET’S MY FOXY GOAT if you’ll forgive the extravagant british wildlife curse. Many Djs can do the tricks with the Pioneer CDJ1000s and the idiot-proof FX units. The reason they don’t do those tired tricks every 5 minutes like Morillo, is because they have restraint and taste. JUST PLAY THE f***ING RECORD! Leave your knobs alone boy! He reminds me of a little kid, desperate to please. Jumping up and down in his playpen. You can please us by playing something low down and dirty. Not all this happy-clappy nonsense. I have to agree with Clive Henry and the truly excellent Peace Division.
NO MORE SUBLIMINAL SHIT
Now that’s the sort of music we like in our house...
...that segues nicely to my next outpouring of bile.
LAWLER!
Now, young Steven has a lot of fans. And when the pint-sized powerhouse is on-form he almost reaches (forgive the short gags) his goal of being the Danny Tenaglia you can afford. Sometimes. But he is prone lately to the playing the ocassional awful tune. I mean, I’ve heard Tenaglia play some howlers, Right Said Fred : ’I’m too sexy’ being one. BAD! but after about 18 hours you forget and forgive the old Tenaglosaurus. But towards the end of the terrace there has been some unpleasant blasts from the past from Lawler’s cobwebbed box of memories.
BUT it’s not Steve’s DJing I’m placed on this earth to criticise. No. You may not believe this so follow me and to use a Star Trek analogy.. ’set your faces to stun-ned’. I was watching young Steve from the pit of the great unwashed and noticed there are always a couple of people in there with him. I thought they might work for Space but after I got close to the booth I heard their delicate booming english voices. A couple of weeks ago one was with Steve when he played upstairs in nastydirtysexmusic’s room. So this one basically works for Steve. Brilliant deduction Miss Marple!
Now, DJ Butlers are not an unusual thing. DJ Butlers are fairly common. Or in Smokin Jo’s case you get the nearest man, or DJ you are working with to carry everything! (sorry girl, couldn’t resist). Danny Tenaglia’s manager Kevin, doubles as his DJ Butler. There was one memorable moment a few years ago on the Space Terrace when an industry figure was talking business to Danny after his set and Danny said ’you’ll have to talk to my manager, he’s the one to talk business’ while turning to find Kevin rolling and gurning laying on the shelf for record boxes behind the decks and licking his own eyes. Priceless moment. Sorry, I digress...
No, DJ Butlers are not a new phenomena Steve. It’s not why you are mentioned STEVE. But employing a guy, a human being and not a trained monkey, who’s sole job is.....wait for it.....wait for it.... TO TAKE THE NEEDLE OFF THE RECORD THAT HAS FINISHED!!!
I repeat. Steve Lawler employs a man to LIFT THE NEEDLE OFF THE RECORD. I’ll repeat that in case you can’t believe what you are reading... Steve Lawler employs a man to take the needle off the record. Steve has single handedly taken the easiest job in the world and divided portions of THE EASIEST JOB IN THE WORLD to a sub-contractor. "So, what line are you in mate? what’s your job? your reason for existence? Oh, I take the needle off the record. I’m a stylus-removal-consultant". Great! I love this job.
Obviously Steve has taken the classic lyric "Put the needle on the record" and taken it a bit too far. It’s the sort of thing an American Lawyer would do. "Your Honour, the lyric CLEARLY says ’Put the needle ON the record but my client, Mr Lawler would contest that NOWHERE it is mentioned that it is his job to take the needle OFF the record. Your Honour I rest my case, next I would like to present my appeal, the State versus Satan, who I will prove was meanly slandered and is a lovely family guy....etc ad nauseum".
The man who put the LAW in Lawler.
It reminds me of the time Paul Oakenfold arrived at a gig without his records. "Did the airline lose them Paul?". "No I forgot them."
He FORGOT them. Bless him, he’s nothing if not honest. Let’s just break this down because some of you might still be thinking,"well, the records are quite heavy, the job has it’s pressures and travel can be quite tiring and tedious". NO, stop rationalising for these people!!
All the easiest-job-in-the-world requires is that :
A. You remember to get out of bed. (for no less than 10,000 euros!)
B. You remember to tell your DJ Butler to take your records.
C. Arrive at gig, take cocaine and play.
D (optional). Leave as quickly as possible with random bird/expensive prostitute/wife You don’t have to do ’D’ because by this point you are 10,000+ euros richer and off your head on drugs and adoration. Repeat A ,B and C until a millionaire or a corpse.
Paul forgot stage B. But as it was his DJ Butlers ’fault’ he sent his driver the 800 miles round trip to get them just in time for him to play.
SO, If Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you have too much money, what is he trying to say if you have a DJ Butler?
Till next time. YOU f***ING LOVE ME!
Twisted Sister
Hitlist
Getting up and going to the Beach
Shitlist
Spending your summer in paradise but only seeing the inside of nightclubs and the inside of your eyelids zzzzzzzz.
IT'S TWISTED SISTER 3 ...the bitch is BACK! This time it's personal... again.
Did you know readers (and those of you just looking at the nice pictures) that the title of the fine film adaptation of Alan Bennet’s Play ’The Madness of King George III’ had to be changed for American markets because the test audiences were complaining that they had not seen the movies ’King George’ and ’King George 2’!!(true)
The Season is finally fully underway and all the club millionaires are breathing a sigh of relief. People are here and the tills are ringing their dull tune. The millionaires are like the polluters and corporations of the world breathing a sigh that the planets’s atmosphere is still here for another year. One year or five, one day it will end in disaster and everyone will wonder why(!). Every year the problem of customer numbers in Ibiza will get worse and the irony is the Disco Mafia every year close down clubs and put up prices and they are the ones who will suffer the most. They need to change or die. One day someone will open another location where our money goes a long way, with great clubs and a liberal attitude (don’t forget sunshine!) and we will all be there partying. Possibly the Greek islands, or maybe the coast of Yugoslavia. It’s not an impossible thought. I warn you. Greed is a terrible thing. The professional Gambler knows exactly when to stop and walk out with the money. When to reinvest and when to rest. Greed is the enemy of progress.
Sister’s insider advice? cap your crazy prices (I’m sorry but 50+ Euros for a night out before expenses?? I want to dance, not hire a prostitute!) get some new, fresh DJs and ease up the PPP’s crazy attitude. Change Ibiza into a hotel-based resort and curb the nightlife? are you insane?! why the f*** do you think people come here!! Hotels, Sun and cheaper prices are anywhere to be had all over the world. Why compete? The nightlife here is unique. Politicians! really! if a child of mine said "Mummy I want to be a politician", I’d have him adopted! Actually i’d hire a professional hit-nanny and get the job done properly.
Speaking of political attitudes, the World Corporation of Pacha is having it’s annual ’Awards’ soon. Don’t make me laugh! Go on, if you fancy a chuckle go to their website and look at the ’nominations’. Almost every ’catagory’ has a Pacha contender. Sometimes two or three. I wonder who will win? I wonder which democractic method they use to choose the nominations? I wonder who decides really?
Pacha has displayed it’s intent for global domination by putting a club on almost every street corner in the world! but the line ups this year are sad. Giant US and UK dinosaurs. BORING! Jurassic Disco. And don’t get me started on Morillo! I could do a whole page on the boy. Surely the most over-rated DJ in the world! Every tune an obvious, predictable and unadventurous choice and he can’t leave the controls alone for a second. He’s like a teenage boy with a bra-strap! he fumbles excitedly while us girls yawn. He might be a self-styled ’ladies man’ although he leaves this hot momma girl stone cold. It’s a good idea isn’t it!? tell everyone in interviews from day one that you are irresistable to women and arrange to have paid harlots in every photo with you and soon enough everyone believes you (I am a 7 foot tall farrah fawcett looking 1000 kilowatt man-magnet with a diamond encrusted pussy by the way...see!). If you are happy with gold-digging sluts then good luck boy. When the starlight starts to fade and you are left cold and loveless in the old DJ retirement home, you’ll be lonely because none of us good girls want you for your self-given ’reputation’, you’ll always have the memories and a nostalgic selection of diseases and genital warts. I’m sorry but I didn’t like his attitude but his ’DJing’ is the thing that really GET’S MY FOXY GOAT if you’ll forgive the extravagant british wildlife curse. Many Djs can do the tricks with the Pioneer CDJ1000s and the idiot-proof FX units. The reason they don’t do those tired tricks every 5 minutes like Morillo, is because they have restraint and taste. JUST PLAY THE f***ING RECORD! Leave your knobs alone boy! He reminds me of a little kid, desperate to please. Jumping up and down in his playpen. You can please us by playing something low down and dirty. Not all this happy-clappy nonsense. I have to agree with Clive Henry and the truly excellent Peace Division.
NO MORE SUBLIMINAL SHIT
Now that’s the sort of music we like in our house...
...that segues nicely to my next outpouring of bile.
LAWLER!
Now, young Steven has a lot of fans. And when the pint-sized powerhouse is on-form he almost reaches (forgive the short gags) his goal of being the Danny Tenaglia you can afford. Sometimes. But he is prone lately to the playing the ocassional awful tune. I mean, I’ve heard Tenaglia play some howlers, Right Said Fred : ’I’m too sexy’ being one. BAD! but after about 18 hours you forget and forgive the old Tenaglosaurus. But towards the end of the terrace there has been some unpleasant blasts from the past from Lawler’s cobwebbed box of memories.
BUT it’s not Steve’s DJing I’m placed on this earth to criticise. No. You may not believe this so follow me and to use a Star Trek analogy.. ’set your faces to stun-ned’. I was watching young Steve from the pit of the great unwashed and noticed there are always a couple of people in there with him. I thought they might work for Space but after I got close to the booth I heard their delicate booming english voices. A couple of weeks ago one was with Steve when he played upstairs in nastydirtysexmusic’s room. So this one basically works for Steve. Brilliant deduction Miss Marple!
Now, DJ Butlers are not an unusual thing. DJ Butlers are fairly common. Or in Smokin Jo’s case you get the nearest man, or DJ you are working with to carry everything! (sorry girl, couldn’t resist). Danny Tenaglia’s manager Kevin, doubles as his DJ Butler. There was one memorable moment a few years ago on the Space Terrace when an industry figure was talking business to Danny after his set and Danny said ’you’ll have to talk to my manager, he’s the one to talk business’ while turning to find Kevin rolling and gurning laying on the shelf for record boxes behind the decks and licking his own eyes. Priceless moment. Sorry, I digress...
No, DJ Butlers are not a new phenomena Steve. It’s not why you are mentioned STEVE. But employing a guy, a human being and not a trained monkey, who’s sole job is.....wait for it.....wait for it.... TO TAKE THE NEEDLE OFF THE RECORD THAT HAS FINISHED!!!
I repeat. Steve Lawler employs a man to LIFT THE NEEDLE OFF THE RECORD. I’ll repeat that in case you can’t believe what you are reading... Steve Lawler employs a man to take the needle off the record. Steve has single handedly taken the easiest job in the world and divided portions of THE EASIEST JOB IN THE WORLD to a sub-contractor. "So, what line are you in mate? what’s your job? your reason for existence? Oh, I take the needle off the record. I’m a stylus-removal-consultant". Great! I love this job.
Obviously Steve has taken the classic lyric "Put the needle on the record" and taken it a bit too far. It’s the sort of thing an American Lawyer would do. "Your Honour, the lyric CLEARLY says ’Put the needle ON the record but my client, Mr Lawler would contest that NOWHERE it is mentioned that it is his job to take the needle OFF the record. Your Honour I rest my case, next I would like to present my appeal, the State versus Satan, who I will prove was meanly slandered and is a lovely family guy....etc ad nauseum".
The man who put the LAW in Lawler.
It reminds me of the time Paul Oakenfold arrived at a gig without his records. "Did the airline lose them Paul?". "No I forgot them."
He FORGOT them. Bless him, he’s nothing if not honest. Let’s just break this down because some of you might still be thinking,"well, the records are quite heavy, the job has it’s pressures and travel can be quite tiring and tedious". NO, stop rationalising for these people!!
All the easiest-job-in-the-world requires is that :
A. You remember to get out of bed. (for no less than 10,000 euros!)
B. You remember to tell your DJ Butler to take your records.
C. Arrive at gig, take cocaine and play.
D (optional). Leave as quickly as possible with random bird/expensive prostitute/wife You don’t have to do ’D’ because by this point you are 10,000+ euros richer and off your head on drugs and adoration. Repeat A ,B and C until a millionaire or a corpse.
Paul forgot stage B. But as it was his DJ Butlers ’fault’ he sent his driver the 800 miles round trip to get them just in time for him to play.
SO, If Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you have too much money, what is he trying to say if you have a DJ Butler?
Till next time. YOU f***ING LOVE ME!
Twisted Sister
Hitlist
Getting up and going to the Beach
Shitlist
Spending your summer in paradise but only seeing the inside of nightclubs and the inside of your eyelids zzzzzzzz.