El-CapiDon
New Member
Saw this on a football forum and was so impressed i feel the need to share...
'Dear Mrs.Murray,
While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty
Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and
your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our
surveillance cameras:
1. June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when
they weren't looking.
2. July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products
aisle.
4. July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in
housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 14:
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. September 15:
Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department
and told shoppers he'd
invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.
7. September 23:
When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and
asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
8. October 4:
Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his
nose, and ate it.
9. November 10:
While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked
an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.
10. December 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the 'Mission
Impossible' theme.
11. December 6:
In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size
funnels.
12. December 18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK
ME!'
13. December 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal
position
and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'
And; last, but not least:
14. December 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very
loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.
'Dear Mrs.Murray,
While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty
Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and
your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our
surveillance cameras:
1. June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when
they weren't looking.
2. July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products
aisle.
4. July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in
housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 14:
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. September 15:
Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department
and told shoppers he'd
invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.
7. September 23:
When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and
asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
8. October 4:
Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his
nose, and ate it.
9. November 10:
While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked
an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.
10. December 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the 'Mission
Impossible' theme.
11. December 6:
In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size
funnels.
12. December 18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK
ME!'
13. December 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal
position
and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'
And; last, but not least:
14. December 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very
loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.
