Holding it together

S

small jinx

New Member
Its my Aunts service & cremation tomorrow, the bowel cancer finally took her last breath early Thurs 18/08 :evil: :cry:

Has anyone any tips regarding "holding it together" :?: I fell apart at Uncle's cremation 4 years ago (was a right snotty, weeping mess). I'm trying to avoid the severity of a repeat performance.

:idea: I've got waterproof mascara, and plenty of tissues :arrow:
 
So very sorry to hear this hun.........i know how u r feeling...i lost my mum in nov :( :cry:

The only advice i can give you.....is do ur own thing....i was being pressurised into goin to the pub afterwards....when all i wanted to do was be alone and reflect that i was never gonna see her again.....it helped...... :?

Also...cry...get it out.....you will feel better afterwards..... :)

I was very lucky too........i have some wonderful caring friends who stayed with me, looked after me and got me through it....dont be afraid to ask for help ;)

If u need anything just shout xxxxxx

Debs.....x
 
sorry to hear this girly, again, know how you feel, my aunt too died of cancer.

You shouldn't need to hold it all together, you've lost your aunt, so let it all out babe.
 
small jinx said:
Its my Aunts service & cremation tomorrow, the bowel cancer finally took her last breath early Thurs 18/08 :evil: :cry:

Has anyone any tips regarding "holding it together" :?: I fell apart at Uncle's cremation 4 years ago (was a right snotty, weeping mess). I'm trying to avoid the severity of a repeat performance.

:idea: I've got waterproof mascara, and plenty of tissues :arrow:
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear your bad news jinxy

Thing is, in my opinion, you don't need to hide emotions at a funeral. If you want to cry then you should. No one will possibly think bad of you for doing so, or laugh at your mascara!

Hope it goes well ;)
 
Very sorry to hear that you are going through a sad time.

I lost my dad through cancer earlier this year. It was a sad, surreal time that I still can't get my head round.

There are no right and wrongs for how you should behave when you lose someone.

You need to let your mind and body do whatever it needs.

If you conform to the view of carrying yourself how people think you should (stiff upper lip, being brave - all that garbage) you won't feel as though you were giving a good send off and saying goodbye in a way that you feel comfortable with.

I was fortunate in being able to write a short summary of my fathers character traits for the vicar to read. It brought some humour to the occasion and made me feel close to my dad as I could 'hear and see him' do all the stuff we remembered him for.

Big hug to you.
 
Im sorry to hear about your loss :( But I really wouldnt worry about falling apart, its completely natural :)

My mother died in my arms when I was 14 and I wasnt allowed to go to the funeral (understand why now, but still think I should have gone) so I bottled all my grief up and it wasnt until I was 20 that I actually cried over her death 8O :cry: and boy did I cry!!!!!!!!!

People are meant to grieve, its our way of dealing with death and whichever way you need to express your grief, then do it and theres no need to feel ashamed about it :)

My thoughts are with you :)
 
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Got the shades ready too!

God bless you all, I'll take your heartfelt thoughts to carry me through.x
 
Leese said:
You shouldn't need to hold it all together, you've lost your aunt, so let it all out babe.
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Jinxie, I agree with Leese. When my grandma died, I had prepared a speech speckled with fun stories about her so we could all smile... I rehearsed it a million times... but when I went up there to deliver, I just couldn't. I started talking and it was like someone was choking me, then came these big huge raindrop tears. My daddy stood up and asked everyone to "give me a minute." I took a few breaths and finally went back up. Everyone was so supportive.

I am sure you will do fine Sarah, and I am really sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts are with ya sweets. -xoxo Sara
 
Hope this helps

Sarah,

Sorry to hear about your loss.

Heres something that someone sent me when my gran died. Hope it helps

Craig

========================================

She is gone
By Anonymous

You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she's gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
 
SJ sorry just seen this, first all of so sorry for your Aunt and you and your family :cry:

In my 29 years I have been 'fortunate' enough to only have to go to 4 funerals.

The worse 2 were my best friend at university dieing in motorcycle accident (due to a drink driver :evil: :cry: ) and my great aunt (who was like another gran to me :cry: ) and I was an absolute wreck at both. Just do whatever you want to do, if you want to cry, cry, if you want to sit on your own afterwards and shout at everyone, then shout, if you can face the after-stuff then do it. You don't know how you'll feel at the time, I just know that as long as you've got good ppl around you, you WILL get over this and time is a great healer (as much of a cliche as it is).

Hope you get on ok xx
 
I agree with Stuie .. if you want to cry, you cry .. Many thoughts with you SJ xx
 
Don't worry about your emotions, it's all a part of the healing process. I lost my brother in June, thought I might be able to hold it together at his funeral but it didn't happen.

It does get easier as time goes on, hope everything goes as well as it can do.
 
yeah let it out mate, my nan is going to pass away immenintely (she has septacemia and is 89) and its tearing the family apart, people blaming eachother for doing or not doing things. feel for ya mate really do :cry:
 
Thank you all for your kind words & shared experiences. She was a 2nd paternal Nan to me, and the only paternal Nan to my lil sister. Unfortunately my sister never met her paternal Nan as she was killed whilst waiting herself & her other sister were waiting at a bus stop & some van driver drove into them 8O :cry: (back in 1982).

The ride to the crem semed like a life time :arrow:

During the ceremony I kept thinking of the last time I saw her (a good memory), and practised breathing exercises so my grief wasnt externally monumental.

At the wake it was one of my Aunts nephew in law that was inconsolable, unfortunately he was caught up in a traffic jam of a motorway accident and missed the ceremony. Lump in the throat to hear & see a 40 year old 6ft 5" man in pieces :(

I haven't been able to have a proper cry :? or sleep properly. So I refraining from going to club in Brum this wknd cos I'm sure I'll end up doing something very silly, gunna sit on my hands & stay local.

So you all go out and shake your asses for me this weekend ;)
 
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