For those that work in a customer facing job..

J

Jam Man

Active Member
http://notalwaysright.com/



Ice Cream Shop | Costa Mesa, CA, USA
(Keep in mind I’m gay, although it’s not too obvious.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [ice cream shop]. What can I help you out with today?”
Customer: “Hey there, I was wondering if I could have a raspberry sorbet in a sugar cone?”
Me: “Cool. That’s going to be $1.39.”
Customer: *seductive voice* “I was hoping you could lower the price for me. I’m a little low, if you know what I mean…”
(The customer unbuttons the top two buttons on her blouse and bites her lip at me.)
Me: “Ehhh. Sorry, ma’am. I can’t fall for that.”
Customer: “What’s the matter? A little shy?” *bounces her boobs in my face*
Me: “Because that’s not ethical, and I don’t like boobs.”
Customer: “What?!”
Me: “I’m gay!”
Customer: “Oh my god! You’re sick! And you looked down my shirt, you pervert!”
Me: “You undid your shirt to get free ice cream!”
Customer: “Oh my god, sickos like you are just… just SICK! All men are filthy dogs. All you think about are naked girls and sex! I’m calling your manager to tell him what gross, perverted employees he has!” *leaves*
Me, to coworker: “That… that wasn’t right, was it?”
Coworker: “You should put that on notalwaysright.”
Me: “I think I will.”
(She never did call our manager.)
 
:lol:

i like this one

… And We Wonder Why Everyone Hates Us

Frozen Yogurt Shop | Pasadena, CA
Customer: “Are you Hispanic?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “Middle Eastern?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “Egyptian?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “What are you?”
Me: “Chinese.”
(customer puts on offended face)
Customer: “I don’t appreciate you treating me like I’m dumb.”
Me: “Excuse me? I’m being honest.”
Customer: “NO CHINESE PERSON WOULD EVER HAVE EYES AS BIG AS YOURS!!!”
Me: *mouth wide open*

:eek: :lol:
 
(A customer comes in to return a powerhorn. We’re often wary of these returns, as customers often put them under their car to increase their radio’s volume and blow them out within a day.)
Customer: “I don’t need this. I didn’t open it.”
Coworker: “Okay, let me take a look at it…”
(The packaging HAS been opened, but it still might not be a big deal. However, my coworker finds a chicken bone in the box.)
Coworker: “Ma’am, I think you left something in here.”
Customer: “Oh! That’s my lunch!”
Coworker: “You said you didn’t open it?”
Customer: “Yeah.”
Coworker: “But there’s a chicken bone in the box. And the wiring has been cut. And the unit is cracked.”
Customer: “It CAME like that.”
Coworker: “With a chicken bone in the box?!”
Customer: “YEAH!”
 
:lol:
This site is great. I could read this stuff all day! This one is good:

… And We Wonder Why Everyone Hates Us, Part Two

Retail | Birmingham, AL, USA
Customer: “I’m looking for something that ain’t made in China. This one says made in EU… what’s that mean?”
Me: “It means it’s made in the European Union.”
Customer: “Billy! Billy come quick! This lady says Europe’s a union now!
Me: “No, ma’am, it means…”
Billy: “Europe united? ”
Me: “Sir, the European Union is…”
Billy: “‘Bout g*d**n time. It was them d*** countries that started the war!”
 
great site

Customer: “Excuse me, where are your graphic novels?”
Me: “Graphic novel section? If you’ll just follow me, I ca–”
Customer: “No. Graphic novels.”
Me: “Graphic novels. Right this way–”
Customer: “No! Graphic novels!”
Me: “Graphic novels.”
Customer: “No… graphic novels!”
(A moment of silence passes…)
Customer: “Sorry, I’m feeling contrary.”
 
It (Almost) Never Hurts To Check

Sporting Goods Store | Baltimore, MD, USA
Customer: “Let me see that knife in the case.”
Me: “Here ya go.”
Customer: “I don’t think this knife is sharp enough.”
Me: “Really? ”
(The customer pulls the blade across his palm, slicing his hand open and spilling blood all over the floor.)
Customer: “I guess it is.”
Me: “Would you like some paper towels?”

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol::lol:
 
(I work as a bouncer in a bar and check all IDs at the door. Indiana IDs don’t include a middle name, just an initial.)
Me: “What’s your full name?”
Customer: “Joe D. Smith.”
Me: “What’s your middle name?”
Customer: “DANGER!”
(I let him in.)

:lol:
I’ll Have Whatever He Had

Bar | Edinburgh, UK
(A VERY drunk WHITE guy comes in 5 minutes before closing time.)
White guy: “F*ck you! You’re not going to serve me are you?”
Me: “Nope, sorry, we’re just closing.”
White guy: “Awww, go on, please…just a quick pint!”
Me: “No, we’re closing.”
White guy: “F*ck you, is it because I’m black?”
Me: “…Yes.”

:lol:
 
Wasting some more time with this site today. Quite enjoyed this one :lol:

Well Played, Indeed

Fast Food | North Dakota, USA
(This is a friend’s experience while working at a popular fast food place on the overnight shift.)
Employee: “Thanks for calling, how may I help you?”
Customer: “Hi. I came through drive-thru earlier tonight, and there’s something wrong with my food.”
Employee: “Um, okay…what’s wrong exactly?”
Customer: “Well, I ordered ***, and there was a used condom on the sandwich.”
Employee, holding in a laugh: “Sir, that’s impossible. We don’t practice safe sex here.”
Customer: “Well played.” *hangs up*
 
Drug Store Des Moines, IA, USA

Customer: “Excuse me… HEY! Excuse me.”
Me: “How may I help you sir?”
Customer: “I need you to find a battery for my Timex.”
Me: “You are standing next to our entire selection. If it isn’t there, we don’t have it.”
Customer: “How do I know which one it is?”
Me: “Didn’t you bring the watch with you?”
Customer: “Yeah…”
Me: “Well, sometimes it is stamped on the back cover.”
Customer: “I can’t decipher this. Can you open the watch and check?”
Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t offer that service.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Me: “I mean, we don’t offer that service. I have neither the tools nor the training to work on your watch.”
Customer: “But you sell the batteries!”
Me: “Yes, we do. I’ll gladly help check that you are buying the right one, but I won’t work on your watch.”
Customer: “But you sell the batteries! You HAVE to put it in for me!”
Me: “Sir, I could also sell you toilet paper, but you would still have to do the wiping yourself…”
 
I just had my own little notalwaysright-type of moment.
Trying to order some stuff from Macy's back home. Nice sale on at the moment.
After waiting a good half hour for someone to show up in their chat services, I had this conversation

Inga M: Welcome to our live chat service.

Inga M: I would be happy to help you with that.

John: Great

Inga M: What form of payment are you using?

John: Visa

Inga M: Was the visa issued by a United States bank?

John: Yes
John: I think the problem might be that I'm overseas at the moment
John: But the billing and shipping addresses are my US address


Inga M: Unfortunately, our web site is unable to accept orders placed from the international ISP (Internet Service Provider) you are currently using. You may place your order by phone at 1-800-289-6229. If you are unable to contact us toll-free, please call 00-1-513-573-7912. To assist us in locating your items quickly, please have the Web ID available. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

John: That's pretty lame

Inga M: I sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.

John: I understand if I were shipping things somewhere outside of the country, but I'm trying to ship stuff to my own home
John: Which is also the registered address of the debit card in question
John: Furthermore, a hold has already been put on the debit card!

Inga M: When a customer attempts to place an order online or via telephone, the amount of the order is wired electronically to your credit card's issuing bank. The bank will then place an authorization hold on your account for the amount of the purchase.
Inga M: We would be happy to contact your card-issuing bank to request that the authorization hold is removed expeditiously. However, most banks require that you are on the line for this type of request. I suggest that you contact us directly via telephone at our customer service number 1-800-289-6229. A representative would be happy to assist you with the authorization hold removal process.

John: So, let me get this straight. You put a hold on my account, THEN decide to reject my order?
John: And then ask me to call a 1-800 number from overseas (no, that's NOT toll free) to resolve the matter?

Inga M: If you are unable to contact us toll-free, please call 00-1-513-573-7912. To assist us in locating your items quickly, please have the Web ID available. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

John: Please inform your superiors that, when I get home for Christmas, all Macy's stores in my area can expect to find a steaming bag of poo outside their doors. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

Inga M: Do you have any additional questions I may answer for you?

John: Do you enjoy working for a company that operates entirely outside the realm of simple logic?
John: (I guess that's a no)
 
I have just spent 25 mins typing a reply in here on to find that it logged me out. Logged in again then lost all the post!!!!!
 
I dealt with a complaint on Monday from a guy who had apparantly been sworn at by someone in our Luton depot when he asked what time he could expect his parcel.

He is trying to get through to my CEO and gets me as I'm his PA and I'm one of those horrible 'gate-keepers' that all Telesales callers hate :twisted:

(incidentally why do all complainants think that the CEO will actually talk to them about swearing depot employees or missing parcels? I don't expect to get through to Richard Branson when my cable is down and I've had to talk to India for the 24th time that week in a vain attempt to get an engineer to visit me?)

After much ranting from him we arranged a special courier to get his parcel to him but this wasn't good enough. He STILL wanted to talk to the CEO.

After 10 minutes of tearing strips off me I get a bit sick of his belligerent attitude

Me:- "Sir - your parcel is coming out to you by special courier and will be with you this afternoon. What. Else. Do. You. Want. Me. To. Do?"

Customer:- "I want you to arrange to get the Luton depot manager kicked in the crotch so hard that his eyes water"

Me: "Sir - violence is not the answer"

Customer slams phone down.

:lol:
 
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