Ikoda
Well-Known Member
Saw this on Mixmag, thought I'd share.
http://www.mixmag.net/words/features/clubbing-etiquette
1. Space invasion
Person A spends 20 minutes carefully carving out a little area on the dancefloor for themselves. Person B capitalises on their hard work by planting their worthless carcass 10 millimetres in front of them. Person B is a *****.
2. Bitching
People-watching is one of the great things about clubbing. But sitting on your arse sniggering at anyone dressed slightly unusually/dancing with enthusiasm/who has crap hair undermines the communal euphoric spirit of rave. And makes you a twat. Leave it to us professionals, eh?
3. Lechery
The vacant, glassy-eyed, slavering full-body stare is pathetic enough, but bundle-rushing, groping sexpests have no place in society, never mind a nightclub. These guys (and it's always guys) can actually turn out dangerous. Is immediate castration too harsh? No.
4. Backpacking
Plaguing dubstep nights especially right now, any goon who keeps their Invicta-style backpack on all night (thus turning themselves into a human wrecking ball on a busy dancefloor) is a thoughtless idiot too cheap to pay £1 for a cloakroom. NB: inside the bag is another, smaller raver, also with a backpack on – and so it continues, like a Russian doll.
5. Fighting
Is it steroids? Or economy cocaine? You've got to wonder what's next for the kind of Neanderthal who rucks in a club – crapping in their hand and throwing their faeces around? The first rule of Fight Club: **** off somewhere else, you mindless baboon.
6. Harassing the DJ
This isn't a wedding reception and no, you don't know best. If you ask the DJ, “Got anything good?†the bouncers have the right to take you out back and play keepy-uppy with your privates. Um, not that anyone would ever ask us that, obviously.
7. Showing off
Two semi-quavers into the mix and you're already shouting “Choon! I love this one!†to anyone daft enough to make eye contact. OK, you're a dance music expert, a veritable human ****ing Shazam; congratulations. What do you want, a medal?
8. Guffing
The smoking ban didn't just turn many dancefloors into busy thoroughfares; it also removed the camouflage once extended to body odour, halitosis and malodorous bodily emissions. In other words, have a shower and stop farting, you disgusting pig.
9. Barging
Hold on there, Walter Payton. No need to push your way through the crowd like you are attempting to score a touchdown in the Superbowl. A smile, an apology, and some semblance of timing and appreciation for picking your moment are required. Or expect a drink poured swiftly, but carefully, into your back pocket.
http://www.mixmag.net/words/features/clubbing-etiquette
1. Space invasion
Person A spends 20 minutes carefully carving out a little area on the dancefloor for themselves. Person B capitalises on their hard work by planting their worthless carcass 10 millimetres in front of them. Person B is a *****.
2. Bitching
People-watching is one of the great things about clubbing. But sitting on your arse sniggering at anyone dressed slightly unusually/dancing with enthusiasm/who has crap hair undermines the communal euphoric spirit of rave. And makes you a twat. Leave it to us professionals, eh?
3. Lechery
The vacant, glassy-eyed, slavering full-body stare is pathetic enough, but bundle-rushing, groping sexpests have no place in society, never mind a nightclub. These guys (and it's always guys) can actually turn out dangerous. Is immediate castration too harsh? No.
4. Backpacking
Plaguing dubstep nights especially right now, any goon who keeps their Invicta-style backpack on all night (thus turning themselves into a human wrecking ball on a busy dancefloor) is a thoughtless idiot too cheap to pay £1 for a cloakroom. NB: inside the bag is another, smaller raver, also with a backpack on – and so it continues, like a Russian doll.
5. Fighting
Is it steroids? Or economy cocaine? You've got to wonder what's next for the kind of Neanderthal who rucks in a club – crapping in their hand and throwing their faeces around? The first rule of Fight Club: **** off somewhere else, you mindless baboon.
6. Harassing the DJ
This isn't a wedding reception and no, you don't know best. If you ask the DJ, “Got anything good?†the bouncers have the right to take you out back and play keepy-uppy with your privates. Um, not that anyone would ever ask us that, obviously.
7. Showing off
Two semi-quavers into the mix and you're already shouting “Choon! I love this one!†to anyone daft enough to make eye contact. OK, you're a dance music expert, a veritable human ****ing Shazam; congratulations. What do you want, a medal?
8. Guffing
The smoking ban didn't just turn many dancefloors into busy thoroughfares; it also removed the camouflage once extended to body odour, halitosis and malodorous bodily emissions. In other words, have a shower and stop farting, you disgusting pig.
9. Barging
Hold on there, Walter Payton. No need to push your way through the crowd like you are attempting to score a touchdown in the Superbowl. A smile, an apology, and some semblance of timing and appreciation for picking your moment are required. Or expect a drink poured swiftly, but carefully, into your back pocket.
!
at Digweed someone did that and actually cleared a 5' square area of dancefloor - alas no one appreciated that No 1 had in effect been nullified