advice for friends wedding

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Ibiza-girlie

New Member
We are a group of peeps, 7-8 who know eachother really well and party, hang out ect...this one guy in the group (who ´s always been single) who attended our wedding with dinner and all, is now getting married. To a girl from the Phillipines he hardly knows (they´ve been dating for 7 weeks and he is marring her because he loves her but also because of immigration policy) And the first time we will all meet her is at their wedding. So the whole situation is WEIRD!

Nevertheless, he wants us all to come and witness the wedding Monday around 11.00, and I asked him what he wanted for present. So we will all chip in for the gifts he wants. BUT then I asked: what is going on afterwards....? He said that only his family were invited to the "afterparty" with dinner, none of his friends are! We were stunned.

This is the guy - a good friend of ours - who attended my wedding and we payed (not that its the biggest issue but still)...around 150 pounds per person for our wedding reception all things included....and we get NOTHING. NO coffee afterwards, Nothing....he even mailed me by mistake asking me to participate in the party and then I though "oh he has come to his senses". 5 minutes later he apologizes and askes me to delete the message telling us it was a mistake and that it was only supposed to be family who got it! !! that´s even more insulting!! what does he expect? that we just hand over the present in the city hall and leave?

THIS IS THE WEIRDEST WEDDING IM ATTENDING!!

So, we have decided to give him a very small present, only give 10 pounds per person and go for coffee on our own afterwards. We have taken time off work to go to this, and still there´s this feeling of emptyness amongst his friends that he´s not including his friends in this arrangement!

what do you guys feel?
Im like. IF YOU GET MARRIED ON A MONDAY AT CITY HALL; EXPECT PRESENCE FROM FRIENDS AS WELL AS PRESENTS - one must expect to be invited for at least a drink and a snack afterwards???

we are ALL pretty bummed by his behavior!
 
aye fair enough, a small lunch would be nice, but i've learnt in such situations not to expect anything, circumstances might be such and maybe theres something he isn't telling you (i.e. money problems, or his families have problems etc.) A friendly tactful word might help establish why he is acting weird. At the end of the day, the union itself is the significant part. Not everyone likes a party.

basically at the end of the day, if you don't like it or feel snubbed, politely decline his invite.
 
I'm sorry IG, but when I invite people I don't expect anything back 8O

I'm not married and if I ever got married trust me I'm not going to invite every couple I've been to their married, so it means I'm making big wedding presents that I won't get back. Shall I make presents just for 10€? 8O 8O 8O
 
It does seem a bit shallow IG to consider not going because you're not getting invited to the party afterwards. Maybe he cant afford to invite everybody, maybe he just wants it to be a really private family affair?

Whatever the reason, if you really do value him as a friend then you should go to his wedding, regardless of what you get in return.
 
Much ado about nothing......

My friend did the same recently, (ie had a wedding do and only invited his family) and it's just a case of respecting his wishes and / or financial priorities. I didn't take it personally.


He's your friend, so be one.
 
The thing people forget is that a marriage is about 2 people, and 2 people only and the marriage should be however those 2 people want it to be.
 
If i ever get married i probably wont be able to invite everyone to the meal too regardless of how much of a friend they are.

IG you should be thankful that your going to witness your friend get married, its not all about the meal chick!
 
A wedding should be about what the 2 people want, not trying to keep family and friends and whoever else happy. For whatever reason they've chosen to celebrate their wedding in this way cos they want to and you either go along with it and share it with them their way or if you won't go because they're not feeding/wining you then don't.
 
I Think the type of wedding you want to do depends of yourself and you can't decide whats is going to be you wedding like on what others prefer. not thinking I have to invite as many people as wedding I have been invited.
You choosed to get married your way and you friend is choosing his way. Personnally I would like a little wedding with no fuss, maybe a little dinner with family and later on, maybe even another day a litle party with my dearest friends. I still havent got to take the decission so I dont know what I would do, but what is for certain I would like a quite one. I think you should understand your friend and dont think he should pay you back for you inviting him to his wedding. He invited you to his, don't forgett that. I also think that maybe is not a financial thing maybe is just the much preferred this way.
 
you all have inteesting insights definately.....ill take these into concideration. Just that, I come from a country where we have a very different tradition for weddings and what to expect than in f.i UK and Spain.
so there is a cultural difference....all danes think this way.

Here, we celebrate differently. And invite all, or none! Im not the only one who´s dissapointed. The guy is loaded, sure he could have afforded it and I would never have made any comments about it, that would be an insult towards his financial situation. Besided just a cup of coffee or some kind of reception afterwards is minimum requred and expected when they have sent out a gift-wishlist!

We are just sad that he´s inviting his entire family and NO friends whatsoever, and that´s a shame because we have all known him for so long and didnt expect him to devide his wedding into categories like this. And its weird because we are talking about ALL his friends...
 
Ibiza-girlie said:
you all have inteesting insights definately.....ill take these into concideration. Just that, I come from a country where we have a very different tradition for weddings and what to expect than in f.i UK and Spain.
so there is a cultural difference....all danes think this way.

Here, we celebrate differently. And invite all, or none! Im not the only one who´s dissapointed. The guy is loaded, sure he could have afforded it and I would never have made any comments about it, that would be an insult towards his financial situation. Besided just a cup of coffee or some kind of reception afterwards is minimum requred and expected when they have sent out a gift-wishlist!

We are just sad that he´s inviting his entire family and NO friends whatsoever, and that´s a shame because we have all known him for so long and didnt expect him to devide his wedding into categories like this. And its weird because we are talking about ALL his friends...
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To be honest, IG, I don't think there's too many differences between a traditional wedding in Spain and a traditional wedding in your country.
The most shocking thing is that you don't respect your friend's decision. I have friends who decided to have a very intimate wedding with just the family and the closest friends and it's fine for me and I even make them a nice pressie cos it's about they are getting married, not about the party and the oportunity to get a new fancy dress
 
Ibiza-girlie said:
you all have inteesting insights definately.....ill take these into concideration. Just that, I come from a country where we have a very different tradition for weddings and what to expect than in f.i UK and Spain.
so there is a cultural difference....all danes think this way.
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I don't think it's a cultural difference, I know people in UK who have had the biggest most elaborate wedding you could think and invited every man and his dog and then I know people who for whatever reason have wanted something much low-key with just immediate family there. It's entirely to do with the individuals getting married and people should respect that.
 
silvia i never mentioned anything about getting a new dress or attending a big dinnerparty...I am saying that OUR GROUP OF FRIENDS not just me and hubbie, are dissapointed that he expects expensive gifts and that we attend the wedding on a monday and take time off work to do so - and dont even get invited for coffee.

Surei ve attended lots of weddings, some were just small, other large like mine - and others we werent invited to at all because they got married at city hall and didnt expect anyone to show up with gidts.
We are only saying he seems to want our precense and the gift and it will be really weird to hand over a large gift outside city hall after the marriage and just dirve away.
this is a mutual feeling between all his friends, that everyone is dissapointed that he demands presents and our precense - but doesnt offer a simpel cup of coffee afterwards. I think that´s rude!
 
stop thinking about money IG, a wedding gift list is only put out so that people find it easy to choose from. people don't expect you to buy anything from the list...

my brothers fiance wanted a smaller wedding, but my brother found it impossible to meet her wishes cause of pressure from friends and family. at the end of the day it was a cracking day, and all agreed we wouldnt have had it any other way, but thats not to say that people don't want small weddings in any culture.

seriously, at what price do you place on your friendship with this guy? i was pissed off cause i got snubbed over a day invite some time ago, then it dawned on me a year after how selfish i was being. at least you are getting a day invite, why don't you arrange your own post-wedding meal with your friends.
 
I AM NOT GETTING ANY INVITATION

MY FRIENDS ARE NOT GETTING THE INVITATION

NONE OF HIS FRIENDS ARE EVEN INVITED TO ANYTHING BUT THE % MINUTE WEDDING CEREMONY AT CITY HALL

THE GUY KEEPS ON SMSING and mailing ME AND TELLING ME WHAT HE WANTS AND ALL THE GIFTS ARE REALLY REALLY ExPENSIVE!

now WHO is being selfish? he expects us to get him expensive gifts
how many times do I have to stress this? i´D SAY HE´S THE ONE BEING SELFISH: expecting presents most peeps cant afford and not doing anything...
 
Ibiza-girlie said:
I AM NOT GETTING ANY INVITATION

MY FRIENDS ARE NOT GETTING THE INVITATION

NONE OF HIS FRIENDS ARE EVEN INVITED TO ANYTHING BUT THE % MINUTE WEDDING CEREMONY AT CITY HALL

THE GUY KEEPS ON SMSING and mailing ME AND TELLING ME WHAT HE WANTS AND ALL THE GIFTS ARE REALLY REALLY ExPENSIVE!

now WHO is being selfish? he expects us to get him expensive gifts
how many times do I have to stress this? i´D SAY HE´S THE ONE BEING SELFISH: expecting presents most peeps cant afford and not doing anything...
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No-one is forcing you to buy a present, sometimes for weddings I'll buy off the list sometimes I'll buy somethng more personal, it depends on the individual couple. I doubt he expects anything from you but most couples these days do have a wedding list just to avoid duplication of gifts etc.
 
belive me he expects gifts, the guy textmessages me every day saying "i want this, I want that" and im like....well all I wanted was an invite to a after-wedding cup of coffee somewhere.
so all his friends and us have decided to go out and have some coffee by ourselves and we are going to get him a coffee mashine and in the note it will say "so you´ll always have enough for guests" :-) - that wasnt MY idea, I must stress. That was my friend´s idea, and well...im not arguing against it.
 
Buy him a present you think is appropriate. Simple.

(Just don't go small purely for the reason that he hasn't invited you to his chosen 'intimate' style gathering.)

It seems you just want to gossip with us about how odd the situation is!!
 
Ibiza-girlie said:
belive me he expects gifts, the guy textmessages me every day saying "i want this, I want that" and im like....well all I wanted was an invite to a after-wedding cup of coffee somewhere.
so all his friends and us have decided to go out and have some coffee by ourselves and we are going to get him a coffee mashine and in the note it will say "so you´ll always have enough for guests" :-) - that wasnt MY idea, I must stress. That was my friend´s idea, and well...im not arguing against it.
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Ok, gossip side coming out. Yes he does sound like a pr1ck (but I also appreciate we're only hearing one side of this!)

But then you sound quite bitchy tbh!!!
 
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