Mental Health- It’s a bit of a bugger

eclipse15

Active Member
So, this is my 1000th post and I suppose a fairly important one. I’ve been drafting it for a few weeks, and it will be long and rambling, but here goes...

A few weeks back, I posted that I was thinking about writing about my mental health, but was uncertain as it might come across as a bit self indulgent and inward looking, but a few of you said you were cool with it, so thought I would give it a crack. This isn't a deep dive into all aspects of mental health over all people and all time, but more a view on how I have experienced it, and how my experiences and approach have changed over time, particularly over the last year or so during C*vid times.

So, up to maybe two years ago, I considered myself to be in pretty good shape, mental health wise. Good home life, decent job, a few select friends and enough cash to be able to do nice things. The strange thing is that I can’t pick an event or an instance that caused things to change a bit.

I started to experience some pretty anxious feelings that rational me would know are ridiculous, but the anxious me seemed to suppress that rationalisation somehow. This led to sleepless nights, struggle for focus, worry about so many little things all across normal life that previously wouldn’t have been of any concern to me at all. I wish I could say that I had some magic solution that caused me to crack it, but the reality is that I haven’t found it (yet) and the anxiety has become almost an accepted part of my life.

At no point would I have considered myself to be at the extreme end of things, no drastic considerations about not carrying on or anything like that, but it has just become a sort of constant hum in the background of day to day living.

The last year or so has been both good and bad for me in relation to this- good in that it has made me not be subject to those stressful social scenarios that caused me so much strain, but bad in that of those situations aren’t there, it’s almost impossible to combat the feelings around them- fire or fury!

If you met me for the first time, you would probably walk away thinking I was relatively confident, fairly talkative, but maybe a little quiet on occasion. Generally, you'd be right, but what you can't see is the constant inner dialogue that's going on, the stress about saying the right thing, saying anything at all, or saying nothing. The lack of seeing people too much recently has removed this from my worry list.

However, I desperately want to be able to be that social person, to chat to anyone when out and about, to be able to present to work colleagues with confidence and doubt- I’ve got a fair old way to go to get back to there again.

I don’t consider myself to be “ill”, more that there’s just this unwanted aspect to my way of thinking that I’d like to sod off and set me free again before it’s too late and the opportunities dry up. There are many many people out there who have it much much worse than I do.

Now, all of this might be a load of self indulgent bollocks, or it might resonate with you a little, a lot, or not at all. You might think I'm strange, or perfectly normal. However, this is how I am, and how I suspect a lot of people are as well.

This post has not been designed for attention, or sympathy, or to kick off any deep conversation, but more to set out my experiences in writing, and it might light a bulb with one or two of you. Maybe this is my own therapy, and you folks have just been subjected to it in a forum which has little to do with it- if so, I apologise.

I suppose my overall message is that I am a bit weird, and you probably are a bit too. Talk if you're comfortable, but don't feel under any pressure to if it's not your thing. You know you, and those that are close to you care if they are genuinely good people.

Look after yourselves and each other, we're all on this mad ride together, and I really really hope to meet some of you very soon for a welcome Fanta Limon and a filthy rave up- this group of people have been super valuable to me- I don’t know any of you, but I feel like I know you all a little bit.

Always happy to chat with anyone about anything, either in here, or via DM, on the phone or in real life. Don’t forget the great motto of life- Don’t be a dick.

xx

PS- hope you’re all being nice to each other in the C*vid thread!
 

NickyT

Active Member
So, this is my 1000th post and I suppose a fairly important one. I’ve been drafting it for a few weeks, and it will be long and rambling, but here goes...

A few weeks back, I posted that I was thinking about writing about my mental health, but was uncertain as it might come across as a bit self indulgent and inward looking, but a few of you said you were cool with it, so thought I would give it a crack. This isn't a deep dive into all aspects of mental health over all people and all time, but more a view on how I have experienced it, and how my experiences and approach have changed over time, particularly over the last year or so during C*vid times.

So, up to maybe two years ago, I considered myself to be in pretty good shape, mental health wise. Good home life, decent job, a few select friends and enough cash to be able to do nice things. The strange thing is that I can’t pick an event or an instance that caused things to change a bit.

I started to experience some pretty anxious feelings that rational me would know are ridiculous, but the anxious me seemed to suppress that rationalisation somehow. This led to sleepless nights, struggle for focus, worry about so many little things all across normal life that previously wouldn’t have been of any concern to me at all. I wish I could say that I had some magic solution that caused me to crack it, but the reality is that I haven’t found it (yet) and the anxiety has become almost an accepted part of my life.

At no point would I have considered myself to be at the extreme end of things, no drastic considerations about not carrying on or anything like that, but it has just become a sort of constant hum in the background of day to day living.

The last year or so has been both good and bad for me in relation to this- good in that it has made me not be subject to those stressful social scenarios that caused me so much strain, but bad in that of those situations aren’t there, it’s almost impossible to combat the feelings around them- fire or fury!

If you met me for the first time, you would probably walk away thinking I was relatively confident, fairly talkative, but maybe a little quiet on occasion. Generally, you'd be right, but what you can't see is the constant inner dialogue that's going on, the stress about saying the right thing, saying anything at all, or saying nothing. The lack of seeing people too much recently has removed this from my worry list.

However, I desperately want to be able to be that social person, to chat to anyone when out and about, to be able to present to work colleagues with confidence and doubt- I’ve got a fair old way to go to get back to there again.

I don’t consider myself to be “ill”, more that there’s just this unwanted aspect to my way of thinking that I’d like to sod off and set me free again before it’s too late and the opportunities dry up. There are many many people out there who have it much much worse than I do.

Now, all of this might be a load of self indulgent bollocks, or it might resonate with you a little, a lot, or not at all. You might think I'm strange, or perfectly normal. However, this is how I am, and how I suspect a lot of people are as well.

This post has not been designed for attention, or sympathy, or to kick off any deep conversation, but more to set out my experiences in writing, and it might light a bulb with one or two of you. Maybe this is my own therapy, and you folks have just been subjected to it in a forum which has little to do with it- if so, I apologise.

I suppose my overall message is that I am a bit weird, and you probably are a bit too. Talk if you're comfortable, but don't feel under any pressure to if it's not your thing. You know you, and those that are close to you care if they are genuinely good people.

Look after yourselves and each other, we're all on this mad ride together, and I really really hope to meet some of you very soon for a welcome Fanta Limon and a filthy rave up- this group of people have been super valuable to me- I don’t know any of you, but I feel like I know you all a little bit.

Always happy to chat with anyone about anything, either in here, or via DM, on the phone or in real life. Don’t forget the great motto of life- Don’t be a dick.

xx

PS- hope you’re all being nice to each other in the C*vid thread!
I'm really glad that you went ahead and posted that.

I can certainly relate to some of the things that you have mentioned. I've no doubt they'll also resonate with many others on here.

Thanks for sharing and for your openness x
 

CasaNegron

Active Member
Nice post. I see a lot of myself in what you wrote. Social anxiety can be a real bitch and limits many, social and professionally. I have felt that way since a child. The mask fits a bit better the older I get though...

The one place where I seem to throw it off is Ibiza (and I don't do pills). 🤔
 

MrHullMysterious

Well-Known Member
Been an introvert/extrovert I can relate to a lot of what you said.

Eg Leaving the house can make me anxious at times, anything that is a change of routine really. When I go to ibiza I take the 1st day to settle in the hotel and take it easy; get used to a new routine and I'm fine.

As I'm aware of it, and know it's just transient, I just segment/box it and defer the feeling till after I settle.

Bit like if watching a movie, and there is a scary bit, just watch that bit on fast forward and not pay it too much attention 😂

As for socialising, I find I can interact with many groups/types of people. Just mindful to listen and not interrupt or cut people off as that can work against you (unless they talking shite and I tell them🤭).

Few years ago was with a group of randoms and they said what a cool guy I was. I almost burst out in laughter! As mentioned above, ibiza does feel different and better for socialising. Perhaps because everyone is in holiday mode💁‍♂️

I think the key to coping with anything is to think how it will be in an hour, a day, a week or a months time and how you'd look back on the moment you had a bit of a wobble. So the time box/skip ahead mentally thing.

Ymmv.
 

lee111s

Well-Known Member
A very good read.

Been a tough few months for myself, made a pretty big life changing decision and due to lockdown and other things, I don’t really feel the benefits just yet and as a result have also had a lot of irrational anxiety. Worrying about things which I know deep down are absolutely nothing to be concerned about, going over and over scenarios which are insignificant and never going to happen but it’s impossible to just stop thinking or turn off your brain.

I put this down to almost exlusively having sod all to do at the moment except work, watch TV and try to sleep. There’s very little external influences, releases or positivity in the way we’re living at the moment.

I’ve not slept well for a couple months, prior to the change I’d never suffered with any anxiety or sleeping issues. I’ve certainly learned a lot about mental health and myself since October.

Lockdowns definitely don’t help, but I think if we can make it through the next 6 weeks or so, things are going to be a lot brighter and life should get that little bit easierx
 
Last edited:

B_Falls

Active Member
So, this is my 1000th post and I suppose a fairly important one. I’ve been drafting it for a few weeks, and it will be long and rambling, but here goes...

A few weeks back, I posted that I was thinking about writing about my mental health, but was uncertain as it might come across as a bit self indulgent and inward looking, but a few of you said you were cool with it, so thought I would give it a crack. This isn't a deep dive into all aspects of mental health over all people and all time, but more a view on how I have experienced it, and how my experiences and approach have changed over time, particularly over the last year or so during C*vid times.

So, up to maybe two years ago, I considered myself to be in pretty good shape, mental health wise. Good home life, decent job, a few select friends and enough cash to be able to do nice things. The strange thing is that I can’t pick an event or an instance that caused things to change a bit.

I started to experience some pretty anxious feelings that rational me would know are ridiculous, but the anxious me seemed to suppress that rationalisation somehow. This led to sleepless nights, struggle for focus, worry about so many little things all across normal life that previously wouldn’t have been of any concern to me at all. I wish I could say that I had some magic solution that caused me to crack it, but the reality is that I haven’t found it (yet) and the anxiety has become almost an accepted part of my life.

At no point would I have considered myself to be at the extreme end of things, no drastic considerations about not carrying on or anything like that, but it has just become a sort of constant hum in the background of day to day living.

The last year or so has been both good and bad for me in relation to this- good in that it has made me not be subject to those stressful social scenarios that caused me so much strain, but bad in that of those situations aren’t there, it’s almost impossible to combat the feelings around them- fire or fury!

If you met me for the first time, you would probably walk away thinking I was relatively confident, fairly talkative, but maybe a little quiet on occasion. Generally, you'd be right, but what you can't see is the constant inner dialogue that's going on, the stress about saying the right thing, saying anything at all, or saying nothing. The lack of seeing people too much recently has removed this from my worry list.

However, I desperately want to be able to be that social person, to chat to anyone when out and about, to be able to present to work colleagues with confidence and doubt- I’ve got a fair old way to go to get back to there again.

I don’t consider myself to be “ill”, more that there’s just this unwanted aspect to my way of thinking that I’d like to sod off and set me free again before it’s too late and the opportunities dry up. There are many many people out there who have it much much worse than I do.

Now, all of this might be a load of self indulgent bollocks, or it might resonate with you a little, a lot, or not at all. You might think I'm strange, or perfectly normal. However, this is how I am, and how I suspect a lot of people are as well.

This post has not been designed for attention, or sympathy, or to kick off any deep conversation, but more to set out my experiences in writing, and it might light a bulb with one or two of you. Maybe this is my own therapy, and you folks have just been subjected to it in a forum which has little to do with it- if so, I apologise.

I suppose my overall message is that I am a bit weird, and you probably are a bit too. Talk if you're comfortable, but don't feel under any pressure to if it's not your thing. You know you, and those that are close to you care if they are genuinely good people.

Look after yourselves and each other, we're all on this mad ride together, and I really really hope to meet some of you very soon for a welcome Fanta Limon and a filthy rave up- this group of people have been super valuable to me- I don’t know any of you, but I feel like I know you all a little bit.

Always happy to chat with anyone about anything, either in here, or via DM, on the phone or in real life. Don’t forget the great motto of life- Don’t be a dick.

xx

PS- hope you’re all being nice to each other in the C*vid thread!
First - congrats on being self aware enough to understand what's happening and being open to it. That's REALLY hard to do.

Second - In my experience, this all sounds super normal. As people grow up/get old/whatever priorities tend to change along with worldviews/outlooks. In your 20s you work to party, in your 30s you slow down and have kids concentrate more on work, 40s are quieter, etc. When you slow down and have more time bang thoughts around in your head you start to question things more, which leads to self doubt or uncertainty. PLUS the older you get you see your priorities shift - i.e. instead of looking forward to a party weekend away, you start planning for retirement. Lots more "what ifs" in life as you get older, shit can be scary AF.

I had some similar thoughts/feelings a few years ago. Pretty much what brought me to this page and Ibiza in general. I had put off a large portion of my life for a couple years after having a kid and had become depressed and really unhappy. I wasn't OK with that and set about making changes in my life that resonated with me after some soul searching about what would really make me happy.

Thanks for sharing, you definitely aren't alone! :)
 

Buckley

Well-Known Member
This post has not been designed for attention, or sympathy, or to kick off any deep conversation, but more to set out my experiences in writing, and it might light a bulb with one or two of you. Maybe this is my own therapy, and you folks have just been subjected to it in a forum which has little to do with it- if so, I apologise.
No apologies necessary as far as I'm concerned. There's a decent community here, and in my opinion, some of us have done a lot of growing up here, in Ibiza and sometimes with people from these very boards in real life. As part of this community, I'm proud you felt able to write your post and very pleased if it helps you and others.

(As a slight aside, I wonder if we, as a community, have mirrored the world at large in becoming more aware of mental health issues, got there a bit quicker as the demographic here aged, or perhaps, lagged behind a little as we waxed lyrical over roofs on clubs, cheaper drinks, travel kettles and tinned potatoes? )
 
Last edited:

Bahamas

Active Member
I salute you, a person should be praised for putting his/her inner feelings on (digital) paper.
This doesn't sound like bollocks nor strangeness to me.

It's not my intention to come across hoity-toity, but these things were accurately documented and dealt with some 2000 years ago.
You may want to get you a copy of these books:
  • Marcus Aurelius - Meditations
  • Seneca - Letters From A Stoic
Buy it on paper, get away from the screen and take notes.
Penguin Classics has some excellent hard cover editions which are well-priced.

Don't take it lightly, but get into discussion with the authors.
Don't expect a miraculous healing after first reading.
Insight gathering and changing habits do take time and require a fair amount of repetition.
That's just how the human brain works. It's all about rerouting brain pathways. Look for a moderate steady pace.

Some excerpts so you get a taste of it:
Be like a promontory against which the waves are always breaking. It stands fast, and stills the waters that rage around it. "Wretched am I," says one, "that this has befallen me." "Nay," say you, "happy am I who, though this has befallen me, can still remain without sorrow, neither broken by the present nor dreading the future." The like might have befallen any one; but every one would not have endured it unpained. Why, then, should we dwell more on the misfortune of the incident than on the felicity of such strength of mind? Can you call that a misfortune for a man which is not a miscarriage of his nature? And can you call anything a miscarriage of his nature which is not contrary to its purpose? You have learned its purpose, have you not? Then does this accident debar you from justice, magnanimity, prudence, wisdom, caution, truth, honour, freedom, and all else in the possession of which man’s nature finds its full estate? Remember, therefore, for the future, upon all occasions of sorrow, to use the maxim: this thing is not misfortune, but to bear it bravely is good fortune. (Marcus Aurelius, Book IV §49)

Run ever the short way. The short way is the way according to Nature. Therefore speak and act according to the soundest rule; for this resolution will free you from much toil and warring, and from all artful management and ostentation. (Marcus Aurelius, Book IV §51)

[...] Where, then, lies the mistake, since all men crave the happy life? It is that they regard the means for producing happiness as happiness itself, and, while seeking happiness, they are really fleeing from it. For although the sum and substance of the happy life is unalloyed freedom from care, and though the secret of such freedom is unshaken confidence, yet men gather together that which causes worry, and, while travelling life's treacherous road, not only have burdens to bear, but even draw burdens to themselves; hence they recede farther and farther from the achievement of that which they seek, and the more effort they expend, the more they hinder themselves and are set back. This is what happens when you hurry through a maze; the faster you go, the worse you are entangled. (Seneca, Letter XLIV)

[...] But I wish to share with you today's profit also. I find in the writings of our Hecato that the limiting of desires helps also to cure fears: "Cease to hope," he says, "and you will cease to fear." "But how," you will reply, "can things so different go side by side?" In this way, my dear Lucilius: though they do seem at variance, yet they are really united. Just as the same chain fastens the prisoner and the soldier who guards him, so hope and fear, dissimilar as they are, keep step together; fear follows hope. I am not surprised that they proceed in this way; each alike belongs to a mind that is in suspense, a mind that is fretted by looking forward to the future. But the chief cause of both these ills is that we do not adapt ourselves to the present, but send our thoughts a long way ahead. And so foresight, the noblest blessing of the human race, becomes perverted. Beasts avoid the dangers which they see, and when they have escaped them are free from care; but we men torment ourselves over that which is to come as well as over that which is past. Many of our blessings bring bane to us; for memory recalls the tortures of fear, while foresight anticipates them. The present alone can make no man wretched. (Seneca, Letter V)

Afterwards you may also want to get some secondary literature on these (to brush up context or to diversify repetitions), of which there is plenty to find.
For example "Donald Robertson - How to Think Like a Roman Emperor" is very accessible. Author is a Scottish psychotherapist who turned to stoicism after similar personal struggles.

If you're not (yet) into reading but want some kind of 'speed course mental health' you may want to give this a listen (no need to listen the entire song, ok to cut off the track at 5:13):

And may a wonderful light always guide you on the unfolding road.

B
 
Last edited:

Bahamas

Active Member
Insight gathering and changing habits do take time and require a fair amount of repetition.
That's just how the human brain works. It's all about rerouting brain pathways. Look for a moderate steady pace.

PS: the same goes for all other things you want to change. Eating more healthy, living more actively, learning music/a foreign language,...
Repeating means also you'll have less time to do other things. Use your time wisely.
 

Ikoda

Well-Known Member
I’ve not slept well for a couple months, prior to the change I’d never suffered with any anxiety or sleeping issues. I’ve certainly learned a lot about mental health and myself since October.

Interestingly, that's been the same for me. Started sleeping much worse the last 4 or 5 months (not that I slept great to start with)
 

Padster

Active Member
I was diagnosed as bi polar just over 10 years ago. It finished my career in nursing and literally turned my life on it's head for a few years but you CAN learn to cope. You have to be sensible about it. Reduce your drug intake- cutting everything out straight away can send you off the deep end as anything else especially if you've become psychologically dependent on some substances. I barely take anything (the occasional spliff if I visit friends and literally just one or two bottles of ale a week). It gives you clarity of thought and makes life much easier to cope with.

Talk to your GP about your concerns- they see all kinds of people from all walks of life with all manner of mental health issues. Don't be afraid, it's a massive positive step and they are in the best position to judge if you just need some advice, some temporary medication or further help. Be HONEST with them, especially about your recreational drug use. They're not going to judge you, they're there to help and if you try to hide things from them you may get the wrong sort of help which can be even more counter-productive than no help at all.

Learn to recognise triggers. Triggers can be people, places and situations that cause your symptoms. The more you can avoid them the more you can learn to manage your life and take control of it again. When I was first diagnosed almost anything could trigger me, so I made a decision to stick to routines where I felt in control. At one point I had so many routines it was like I was autistic but as I learned to manage my life I was able to relax my routines and start to live a normal life again.

Don't kid yourself. If you feel something's wrong then do something about it. I had known something was wrong for at least a couple of decades before things came to a head and I finally got a diagnosis and proper treatment. In the meantime I have broken, torn, twisted burned or otherwise seriously injured every single part of my body except for my pelvis thanks to manic behaviour which totally diminishes any sense of risk or consequence, and have had four serious suicide attempts that have landed me on life support in hospital. Don't put off asking for help, it simply isn't worth it, and you can take my word for that.

Consider the impact on those around you. Although your primary motive for seeking help and getting better must be YOU, your actions are like ripples in a pond. Everyone around you is affected in some way or another, whether it's seeing that you're not well (which can have a significant impact on their mental health as well), or worrying that every time you go out you might not come back or whatever. Think of those you love- even if at that particular time you don't value yourself they DO. Their lives don't function properly if you're not functioning properly, and they don't want you out of their lives, they want you, the real you to be a part of theirs otherwise they wouldn't be there. Let them help you where they can, and let them be included in your life.
 

cunninghamali

Well-Known Member
I was diagnosed as bi polar just over 10 years ago. It finished my career in nursing and literally turned my life on it's head for a few years but you CAN learn to cope. You have to be sensible about it. Reduce your drug intake- cutting everything out straight away can send you off the deep end as anything else especially if you've become psychologically dependent on some substances. I barely take anything (the occasional spliff if I visit friends and literally just one or two bottles of ale a week). It gives you clarity of thought and makes life much easier to cope with.

Talk to your GP about your concerns- they see all kinds of people from all walks of life with all manner of mental health issues. Don't be afraid, it's a massive positive step and they are in the best position to judge if you just need some advice, some temporary medication or further help. Be HONEST with them, especially about your recreational drug use. They're not going to judge you, they're there to help and if you try to hide things from them you may get the wrong sort of help which can be even more counter-productive than no help at all.

Learn to recognise triggers. Triggers can be people, places and situations that cause your symptoms. The more you can avoid them the more you can learn to manage your life and take control of it again. When I was first diagnosed almost anything could trigger me, so I made a decision to stick to routines where I felt in control. At one point I had so many routines it was like I was autistic but as I learned to manage my life I was able to relax my routines and start to live a normal life again.

Don't kid yourself. If you feel something's wrong then do something about it. I had known something was wrong for at least a couple of decades before things came to a head and I finally got a diagnosis and proper treatment. In the meantime I have broken, torn, twisted burned or otherwise seriously injured every single part of my body except for my pelvis thanks to manic behaviour which totally diminishes any sense of risk or consequence, and have had four serious suicide attempts that have landed me on life support in hospital. Don't put off asking for help, it simply isn't worth it, and you can take my word for that.

Consider the impact on those around you. Although your primary motive for seeking help and getting better must be YOU, your actions are like ripples in a pond. Everyone around you is affected in some way or another, whether it's seeing that you're not well (which can have a significant impact on their mental health as well), or worrying that every time you go out you might not come back or whatever. Think of those you love- even if at that particular time you don't value yourself they DO. Their lives don't function properly if you're not functioning properly, and they don't want you out of their lives, they want you, the real you to be a part of theirs otherwise they wouldn't be there. Let them help you where they can, and let them be included in your life.
Thanks for sharing your story.... :) its amazing that you are at a place where you can live a relatively normal life...

I am always interested in people that have to live with bipolar or schizophrenia etc

Great advice for people suffering
 
Top