Friday Funny



Apologies if youve heard it before

;) Back in the Swinging Sixties, Michael Caine is holding a big Showbiz party in his swanky new house. Everyone who's anyone is there - top stars from the worlds of movies and music, fashion and art. There's a feast of pints, the best wines that money can buy, oysters, champagne, Lennon and McCartney are helping themselves at the bar, Jim Morrison and his band are sitting on the couch singing "Light My Fire", and over in the corner George Peppard's getting very pally with Sophia Loren.
All's going really well, until Jim Morrison decides he's bored out of his skull, and wants to go home for an early night. "Oi, Jim," objects Michael Caine, "the party's just got started. How's about I get one of 'the ladies' to take you into the spare bedroom for a bit of 'how's yer father?'" "Fair play," nods Jim, "as long as she does the rest of the band, too." "Not a problem, Jim," smiles Michael, as he pulls a young dolly bird in close and whispers some instructions in her ear.
Half an hour later, the young lass is just wiping her chin, when in walks Ringo Starr from the Beatles. "Alright, luv?" he drones, "don't suppose you fancy extending that service to me do you?". The young woman thinks about this for a second, then says "What the hell!" and proceeds to unzip Ringo's fly and get to work. Ringo's having a grand time, until, mere moments before the end, the door opens and Michael Caine bursts in.

He grabs the young woman by the hair and slaps her hard across the face! "Wh-what was that for?" she whimpers. "I told you," Caine snarls... ...."you're only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off..."
nice one jamesyboy, here is another ;)

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack
and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil
is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil.
"You are on my list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell
you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple folks
here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one
of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll
even let YOU decide who leaves."

Bush thought that sounded pretty neat,
so the devil opened the first room.

In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water.
He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed.
Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a
good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all
day long." The devil led him to the next room.

In it was Newt Gingrich with a sledgehammer and
a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that
hammer, time after time after time.

"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder.
I would be in constant agony if all I could do
was break rocks all day," commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw
Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms
staked over his head, and his legs staked in a
spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky,
doing what she does best.

Bush took this in disbelief and finally said,
"Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you're free to go."
A last quick one for you


Do NOT buy a dwarf with learning difficulties.......

It's not big and it's not clever!!!

Have a great weekend folks whatever you are doing

See you back here on Monday! 8)